Why is it so difficult?

Discussion in 'Breastfeeding' started by Gravidgecko, Jan 5, 2017.

  1. Gravidgecko

    Gravidgecko Well-Known Member

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    Surely this is the very thing my breasts were designed for. So why is breastfeeding so hard!?
    I'm up to a JJ cup and have put up with them being huge since I was 14. I always thought that it would at least be worth it if I could breast feed my baby, and now I'm finding it near impossible.

    My nipples are totally flat so baby won't latch on. I've been using a nipples shield on my smaller side but she still fusses and comes off a lot, or she'll just fall asleep and refuse to feed from me. So far I've been unable to feed from the larger breast as it's so big I can't actually position her far enough away from myself to feed from it! Plus I had mastitis on that side from day 2 :/

    Luckily I do seem to have plenty of milk so I've been able to express and top up her feeds (sometimes I just give her the bottle without trying to bf) but it's exhausting.

    Overall I'm actually hating the whole experience so far and clearly so is she. I dread every feed and feel close to tears every time people ask to visit, I'm so terrified they are around when she needs fed.
    It takes an hour or longer bfing and she still wants the bottle top up afterwards.
    I'm so overwhelmed by it all. I keep feeling like I should just give her back so they can find her someone whose tits actually work! Feeling so rubbish :(

    Totally on board with hiring a wet nurse at this point. The Victorians had the right idea!

    Sent from my Hudl 2 using Tapatalk
     
  2. Maaaaaac

    Maaaaaac Well-Known Member

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    Im so so sorry youre having trouble :( it really isnt easy at all. Have you thought about pumping your breastmilk and giving her a bottle? Please contact your health visitor and they can point you to breastfeeding peer support and lactation consultant. Also see if there's a local la leche league near you. There's lots of help out there and they will support you 100%. Just hang in there, its you she loves regardless of what way you feed her so remember that.

    I also think a wet nurse would be fantastic!
     
  3. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    What's a wet nurse?

    Well done for persevering it is not a easy job yet I think most of us expect it to be. Definitely get on to HV or call your local breast feeding supporter. You can do this you just need the right support and guidance x
     
  4. Maud

    Maud Well-Known Member

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    I definitely agree with seeking out as much support as you can get. A good breastfeeding counsellor might be able to give you some tips to help make things more comfy for you both. Please do keep in mind that once you've got the hang of it it really does get easier so if you can push through these difficult first weeks it is totally worth it.

    Blueclass a wet nurse is a woman who breastfeeds other people's babies. It used to be the norm for the wealthy
     
  5. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Oh yes i remember. I didn't know people still used them.
     
  6. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    Don't put so much pressure on yourself to breastfeed! I would definitely recommend going to a feeding support group so they can check positioning, latch etc and you may well get the issues sorted out. I recently read a website called Fed Is Best and I absolutely agree - your priority is to feed your baby and keep you both healthy whichever method that is.

    I was disappointed that I couldn't breastfeed my first for longer (only about 3 months) but we had a lot of problems due to undiagnosed tongue tie. Aside from that in the first few days I was unsure whether he was getting enough (or anything), by the time he went home at 2 days old he was showing signs of jaundice and was slow to get back to his birth weight. Looking back I think I gave into the pressure to stick with breastfeeding no matter what. I'm 24+5 with my second and have already decided I will supplement every feed with formula from birth and see how it goes. I'm not going to be made to feel guilty for feeding my baby. Let go of whatever guilt or pressure you're feeling and do what's right for you and your baby. Feeding is a great time to bond and it shouldn't make you feel dread xx


     
  7. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Not trying to make you feel bad or anything as its your choice how you feed your little one. I just wondered why you have decided to supplement every feed from birth? You might not have problems this time and if you top up from birth you won't make enough. I had issues as I had a c section and baby was jaundice and 8 weeks with tongue tie. I then weaned my baby of the top ups and it was very difficult and stressful. If your planning on breastfeeding then why not just breast? Your know baby is getting enough if he or she is content after a feed. Remember babies feed all the time for the first couple of months to built your supply. Just keep an eye on the nappies ect.
    Of course you feed how you like and I don't want to sound rude or argumentative just wanted to ask the question. X
     
  8. babybee

    babybee Well-Known Member

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    Breastfeeding is a pain in the arse at first. I have flattish nipples and my eldest found it hard to latch but eventually we got used to each other. I found it so difficult in fact that I trained up as a bf peer supporter to try and help mums who are trying to breastfeed but are struggling.
    One thing we suggest for women with large breasts is the rugby hold. Have a youtube of that if you can.
    I would definitely find a local bf support group in your area and not rely on midwives or hvs as their training on breastfeeding is very minimal and often they do not give good advice.

    Definitely dont put pressure on yourself to breastfeed as for something that's meant to be so natural it takes a good while to establish. But I would definitely seek help, feel free to cry and vent all your frustrations out in these groups, its brilliant therapy and everyone there is used to it!
    good luck hun and well done for getting this far.x
     
  9. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    Of course, that's fine! My baby was very sleepy after birth so much so that he wasn't waking for feeds, was falling asleep on the breast and when he did feed there was no evidence he was actually taking anything in as I never saw any colostrum/milk. One of the midwives gave him a few ml of formula from a cup but then just said to carry on with the breast which I did but I didn't really feel confident enough to do anything else. Like I said my lo became jaundiced (which I know is common) and really struggled to regain his birth weight. This time around I feel more confident as a mum to listen to my instincts so I'm prepared to offer top ups from the off unless at the time I don't think it's necessary. Reading Fed is Best has helped me feel more confident about this. I'd like to breastfeed but I want to be totally open to doing whatever feels best xx


     
  10. Gravidgecko

    Gravidgecko Well-Known Member

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    Quick update.
    Baby is 2 weeks tomorrow and is officially back up to her birth weight. She's been mostly getting expressed breast milk from a bottle, though I do still try her on the breast regularly. Apparently the tissue behind my nipples is very soft which is partly why she finds it difficult to latch on. As soon as anything touches them they just disappear inwards :/
    Still, at least we know she's getting enough to eat now :)

    Sent from my Hudl 2 using Tapatalk
     
  11. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    That's great new keep going your doing so well x
     
  12. Maaaaaac

    Maaaaaac Well-Known Member

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    Awk thats brill though, glad to hear it! My lb didnt get back to birth weight until day 22 so youre really doing excellent! Hopefully when she gets a bit older she can lstch on, my lb now takes himself on and off with no assistance, breastfeeding is a skill you both have to learn. :)
     

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