Why did my body fail me?

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by AcrylicAbi, Apr 6, 2016.

  1. AcrylicAbi

    AcrylicAbi Member

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    It's taken me nearly a week to bring myself to write on here. Last Thursday I found out my 7wk baby's heart beat was gone. As horrific as that is, I'm really struggling with the fact my body hasn't recognise the fact the baby is dead. Apart from some mild cramps, I've had nothing. No bleed, no spotting, nothing. Now I have to make the horrible decision whether next week I have the pills or whether I have D&C. How do I make a decision that was always my nightmare?

    I'm really struggling. I'll appear okay and start to believe I am. Then I see a baby or see something baby related and it starts me off again.

    I have a scan picture and decided to place it in a box with a teddy bear that my fiancé got me for Valentine's Day and bury it with my grandma and great grandparents as its then somewhere I have to grieve.

    How do you get over or accept that you're never going to meet your baby, hold your baby, feel your baby or look in to its beautiful eyes? :'(
     
  2. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry for your loss. Sadly I don't think you will ever get over it. For me, the rawness of it all did eventually fade but it still hurts and I'm still sad about our losses. I think one thing that would help me to accept it would be a living child, but so far we don't have one yet so in the meantime I'm just carrying on the best I can and holding it together for my oh.
     
  3. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    You never really get over it, i basically had a meltdown down and moved into a hotel for a week with my second one. With the first i just stayed in bed or on the sofa crying all the time. I still get angry and sad at times. But one day we will have our rainbow babies x
     
    #3 PeanutButter, Apr 7, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2016
  4. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. 5 months later I still feel the pain, it does get easier but I think it always feels like a little hole in your heart. Initially it's the loss you feel within, now I feel like I've lost the future. I torment myself with how far I should be now and what I should be planning but no longer have. I just hope one day soon I get another little baby to heal my heart! I hope we all do. Sending you big hugs! Feel however you need to and do whatever you need to, nothing is the right or wrong way xxx
     
  5. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

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    Hi Abi I have had 2 missed miscarriages at 11weeks & 10weeks with twins - in Ireland the recommended path is a D&C, for me physically the D&C was ok and I only had spotting afterwards, I had never been to hospital or had a GA before this had happened but it wasn't as scary as I expected. Emotionally it has taken time to start to heal, I was sad, upset, angry I felt my body had let me down by nor creating a strong baby bean, I hated the wait between finding out my babies had passed & having the D&C but for me I found comfort that my body wanted to keep them. as the other girls said there is no right or wrong way to feel, just take a day at a time, hugs x
     
  6. AcrylicAbi

    AcrylicAbi Member

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    Hi girls. I have an appointment next week to meet a doctor to discuss in depth my options. I just wish there was answers as to why it died. It's the 'what ifs' that I'm battling against today, what if I did something or didn't do something, ate something, missed a folic acid. Really isn't nice.

    Thankfully, I have two beautiful healthy children who are 6 and 3 so I'm finding a lot of strength from them but at the same time puzzles me more how I had two healthy pregnancies and one ended in miscarriage.

    TMI but is discharge normal too? I just feel like I'm waiting to bleed. Every mild cramp, I'm there at the ready with a sanitary towel. But nothing. Though I haven't passed the baby, I know it's definitely gone as apart from remaining bloated, all my symptoms have stopped now.

    With my first two, my pregnancies were so sicky. But this one I had no sickness so I know that no sickness to me, means it isn't a strong pregnancy.
     
  7. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    I had a lot of CM with both my pregnancies, right up until I actually lost them, so for me that was normal. Once my symptoms stopped with my second I started wearing a pad straight away as I knew what was coming. For both my mcs I had a sudden very heavy bleed with no warning at all, so I wanted to be prepared the second time and I'm glad I did as I was out when it started. As both mine started naturally I didn't have any treatment other than monitoring so I have no advice over the different options.
     
  8. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    I've had 5 miscarriages it is so hard but thankfully I do have my son now which makes it a little easier as if those pregnancies had carried on I wouldn't have him. For every one of them iv'e planted a rose bush in my garden so I can watch them grow. It breaks your heart I'm just over 6 weeks now, I am not excited,I'm worried and waiting for bad news, there's nothing u can do to stop it unfortunately but hope u will b ok no matter what happens
     
  9. MsKittyCat

    MsKittyCat Well-Known Member

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    Hi AcrylicAbi, could it be that the baby was under 7 weeks and just the heartbeat cant be heard yet hun? Are they not suggesting you are scanned again in a week or two?

    I've read a similar story before where a heartbeat was not heard at her 7 week scan she had cramps and a little spotting, she return a week later to find a heartbeat and find she was only 6 weeks pregnant, she ovulated late.. i'll add the link hun. I feel for you, such a worrying time x x

    http://www.babycenter.com/400_no-heartbeat-detected-at-7-weeks-mild-cramping_975219_300.bc
     
  10. AcrylicAbi

    AcrylicAbi Member

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    Hi everyone.

    I had a rescan last Monday and there was definitely no heart beat and it was breaking down. Thursday I had medical management for the tablets. I was discharged at 2.30 and didn't start bleeding until about 5/6. It was really really heavy and huge blood clots. Size of my hand some! However, two days on and I'm barely bleeding. I don't need to wear a sanitary towel but choose to. It's blood when I wipe (tmi sorry!). So is this it? Or is my body failing me more and not passing the pregnancy as it should?
     
  11. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    No that sounds about right now if you are concerned you can ask for a rescan to check for anything remaining, so sorry this happened to you, do not give up hope and take care of yourself X
     
  12. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss, we lost our 2nd angel just over 2 months ago, I opted for medical management with the pills, d&c wasn't an option as I hate hospitals, I found it very successful and it happened at home where I felt safe, everyone is different but personally for me it was the best choice to take in that situation, hugs to you xxxx
     
  13. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    It sounds to me like it was a successful procedure my bleeding stopped after a few days too, and I was worried in case it had failed, as I really didn't want to go back, the timescale was the same as me too pretty much, I had the treatment at half 1 and 4 or so hours later it started, I hope this helps xx
     

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