Hi all
My husband and I are really private on social media and shared our news the first time at about 25 weeks (this was only because I had my best friends wedding and as MOH I was worried people would notice in her wedding photos and I wanted everyone to just focus on her for her wedding day so posted a photo with my bump on show a week before).
I had a traumatic birth and it’s taken me a long time to try for a second and I’m terrified of everything. My friend at work had a stillbirth last year which I think also had an impact.
I’ve started showing so I’ve been telling my closest friends at work my parents and my daughter told my sister before I could. I’m seeing my best friends in a few weeks so holding off telling them until we’re together.
My question really stems from one of my SILs. My husband no longer talks to her. He is very close with his nephews now late teens and she ditched them when she had her daughter a few years ago. She was also awful when we had our daughter and it was a danger for me as she sent my BP sky high when I was still high risk. However, my husband does talk to his sister when they cross paths. He wants to be civil but he knows any additional contact leads to drama. Their mother is very sick and has a few months left so he doesn’t want to upset his mum by having another major fall out where they don’t speak at all for years.
My husband told his parents at 13 weeks on the phone and sent a message to his other two siblings but didn’t contact his sister. However, he knew his Mum would tell her later that day, we checked she had been told second hand and his Mum confirmed.
Personally I occasionally talk to her so she doesn’t blame me for their falling out but sadly she is an awful woman with no respect for other people’s wishes so I keep my contact minimal.
My question is should I let her know directly? We both know she’s already known for a week and a half and hasn’t said congratulations (which I completely understand). I’m not close with her but there’s so many friends and family I’m still yet to tell anyway. I’m sure she is annoyed not to find out at the same time as her siblings but they do not have any contact anymore and he told them before I’ve told a lot of my friends and family.
She can be very dramatic so I’m hoping to avoid a family drama. Just not sure what’s best to move forward.
TIA
A side note for anyone wondering some of the reasons why we’re not on good terms;
She chooses not to work and makes her father pay for all her petrol and food shopping, plus a fortnightly shopping trip and every DIY project.
She kicked out her eldest on the request of her new partner.
She emotionally blackmailed her youngest to the point where he left his home at 15.
She took her eldest son’s savings from his grandad and never repaid them.
She ignored all our requests when we had our daughter. Giving our newborn to her two year old to hold after I had specifically said not to.
She complained about my breastfeeding constantly.
She’d intentionally tried to make our daughter sick just after I fed her.
She would say things to our daughter like ‘No one loves you as much as me, I love you the most in the whole world’.
Her partner is an idiot (too long to go into).
She has tried to use our daughter as a pawn to get points in her family (also too long to go into). She pretends to want to take her out but only if its on her own which she knows we’d never agree to as she’s a stranger to her now.
We live an hour apart so even on good terms it would be difficult to see her.
This last one is really petty but she buys all the grandchildren’s Christmas presents for her Mum and Dad, which we’ve all said isn’t needed. She spends 100s on Disney merch for her own daughter and a buys a few Asda sale pieces for the rest then tells her parents they all got the same.
My husband and I are really private on social media and shared our news the first time at about 25 weeks (this was only because I had my best friends wedding and as MOH I was worried people would notice in her wedding photos and I wanted everyone to just focus on her for her wedding day so posted a photo with my bump on show a week before).
I had a traumatic birth and it’s taken me a long time to try for a second and I’m terrified of everything. My friend at work had a stillbirth last year which I think also had an impact.
I’ve started showing so I’ve been telling my closest friends at work my parents and my daughter told my sister before I could. I’m seeing my best friends in a few weeks so holding off telling them until we’re together.
My question really stems from one of my SILs. My husband no longer talks to her. He is very close with his nephews now late teens and she ditched them when she had her daughter a few years ago. She was also awful when we had our daughter and it was a danger for me as she sent my BP sky high when I was still high risk. However, my husband does talk to his sister when they cross paths. He wants to be civil but he knows any additional contact leads to drama. Their mother is very sick and has a few months left so he doesn’t want to upset his mum by having another major fall out where they don’t speak at all for years.
My husband told his parents at 13 weeks on the phone and sent a message to his other two siblings but didn’t contact his sister. However, he knew his Mum would tell her later that day, we checked she had been told second hand and his Mum confirmed.
Personally I occasionally talk to her so she doesn’t blame me for their falling out but sadly she is an awful woman with no respect for other people’s wishes so I keep my contact minimal.
My question is should I let her know directly? We both know she’s already known for a week and a half and hasn’t said congratulations (which I completely understand). I’m not close with her but there’s so many friends and family I’m still yet to tell anyway. I’m sure she is annoyed not to find out at the same time as her siblings but they do not have any contact anymore and he told them before I’ve told a lot of my friends and family.
She can be very dramatic so I’m hoping to avoid a family drama. Just not sure what’s best to move forward.
TIA
A side note for anyone wondering some of the reasons why we’re not on good terms;
She chooses not to work and makes her father pay for all her petrol and food shopping, plus a fortnightly shopping trip and every DIY project.
She kicked out her eldest on the request of her new partner.
She emotionally blackmailed her youngest to the point where he left his home at 15.
She took her eldest son’s savings from his grandad and never repaid them.
She ignored all our requests when we had our daughter. Giving our newborn to her two year old to hold after I had specifically said not to.
She complained about my breastfeeding constantly.
She’d intentionally tried to make our daughter sick just after I fed her.
She would say things to our daughter like ‘No one loves you as much as me, I love you the most in the whole world’.
Her partner is an idiot (too long to go into).
She has tried to use our daughter as a pawn to get points in her family (also too long to go into). She pretends to want to take her out but only if its on her own which she knows we’d never agree to as she’s a stranger to her now.
We live an hour apart so even on good terms it would be difficult to see her.
This last one is really petty but she buys all the grandchildren’s Christmas presents for her Mum and Dad, which we’ve all said isn’t needed. She spends 100s on Disney merch for her own daughter and a buys a few Asda sale pieces for the rest then tells her parents they all got the same.