When will he learn!!!

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by tabbi, Jun 30, 2013.

  1. tabbi

    tabbi Well-Known Member

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    My daughter's dad and I split 3 years ago, been through court more times than I'd like to remember. His contact is in a contact centre as he doesn't wish for myself or my partner to supervise and vise visa because of how controlling etc he is.

    Anyway today I've turned up early to contact, and warned them that last night when I told my daughter she was having contact today she freaked out and wouldn't stop crying, and that she did the same this morning. She kept telling me she didn't want to see him and wanted stay with her brother.

    Anyway I'd not long got her on the toilet so she wouldn't need go first thing as it wouldn't be fair the first few minutes her been on the loo. I leave the room only to here my ex saying 'Yeah, looks like she is scared of me' at that point took a great deal of strength to stop myself going in to the hall where he was and yelling that he isn't there so he wouldn't know, unlike my health visitor who's seen her reactions.

    After contact started at 2pm I sat talking to other mums only for at 2.15 have a member of staff say to me, that she was in the bathroom and she'd wet herself and had I got any spares on me. Now I was thinking right she'd done a dribble sort of thing. So I go with the contact staff to where my daughter is.

    I open the door to find my nearly 4 year old lying on a baby changing mat with No clothes on at all, her clothes soaking wet and her crying. I ask what has happened as I'm cleaning her up. they told me that she told my ex she needed the toilet when she first got into the hall with him, and he only then took her the loo when he noticed she was damp inbetween her legs.

    Right now will mention the staff had seen and heard all this yet did nothing. He is not meant to be left alone with her whilst she goes loo, as she has come home a few times with marks across her. Yet they let him. And they also let him treat her more like a baby than a toddler. (who is fully dry at night, and doesn't have any accidents when she is with anyone else including my 11 niece).

    They then went on to say that he has said I have to go home to get spare clothes to bring back so contact can carry on, to which I refused due to the distance cost and the fact it should never of happened in the first place.
    then they said they'd just put the wet clothes that were soaked back on her, again to which I refused. Instead I tell them, I'm leaving with her once I ring a taxi, I take off my hoody and zip it around her so she is at least wearing something as she said she was getting cold by this point. All this time my ex is in another room as he can't face me...wonder why!

    The staff kept saying I couldn't leave with her and that I should just put the wet clothes back on her and that she'd be fine, all this time knowing full well they didn't do there job right by looking after her or getting her on the loo themselves.
    I am reporting the contact centre for neglecting there duties to my daughter and Me.

    Am I the only one who thinks it is disgusting them asking/telling me to put her wet clothes back on her?
    I am fuming here and stressing as court is in less than a week and my stress levels are sky high.
    I have my family saying to me, 'be the bigger person' 'you shouldn't of left now you look bad' etc... I have been the bigger person since giving birth within her first few hours at home all he said was 'shut that fucking baby up' and needless to say SS were involved due to him to the point I nearly lost her...I fought and won only by leaving him and sorting myself out...he did nothing and still doesn't.

    I just need I guess some help to know if I am doing the right thing by my daughter as I dont want her to hate me when she is older and at the same time I don't want him anywhere near her....

    thanks for reading the essay if you did x x x
     
  2. Gayle30

    Gayle30 Well-Known Member

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    Gosh. This post has made me feel sad. I hope your little girl will be ok. I would absolutely be fuming too. You need to report it for sure. Xx

    tapatalking
     
  3. Princess81

    Princess81 Well-Known Member

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    Def report It. They have a duty of Care and at least to make sure they implement the contact conditions. Such a shame :(

    Still practicing on the new phone.....
     
  4. tinkerbates

    tinkerbates Well-Known Member

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    Oh gosh this is horrible and I absolutely think you did the right thing. I would report them as soon as you can, your poor daughter should not be going through this xx
     
  5. brand new

    brand new Well-Known Member

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    Deffo report it Hun. They have neglected ur daughter on so many levels. This actually made me really sad reading this! I feel sorry for u. U totally did the right thing by taking her home! Big hugs Hun xxx
     
    #5 brand new, Jun 30, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2013
  6. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    Def complain. Ur poor daughter :( and poor u. Disgusting x

    mummy to ds 11/7/11
    pregnant *team pink* due 12/9/13
     
  7. kayuki123

    kayuki123 Well-Known Member

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    You have every right to complain hun you put your trust into this place to look after your little girl. I cant believe they even suggested to put her back into wet clothes! Let alone knowing your ex shouldnt be on his own with her.poor mite... You did the right thing hun. Big hugs xxxx
     
  8. busymummy

    busymummy Well-Known Member

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    You have absolutely done the right thing! I am disgusted that they were trying to insist on putting the wet clothes back on her and carrying on with the session, that is bang out of order! And I am shocked that they have allowed him in the toilets with her by himself. The whole point supervised contact is for it to be SUPERVISED at all times! I would phone your lawyer 1st thing tomorrow morning and let them know what has happened. This situation isn't about who is the bigger person, it's about doing what's best for your daughter and leaving her in urine soaked clothes is not in her best interest x
     
  9. tabbi

    tabbi Well-Known Member

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    Thank you ladies. Glad to know I'm not the only one other than my OH to think that. I'll be on the phone with my lawyer first thing for sure, you would of thought a church where the priest is doing the supervision would of been better but they weren't. They kept saying I was asking her leading questions I can't see how 'Did you tell daz you needed the toilet?' and 'Did you wet yourself before you went the toilet or after?' How is it mis-leading with a child. She knows when she has done it on purpose/or for attention as she pulls a certain face/look and she was upset. I pissed more that they treated her like a baby and had her on a changing mat...she is fully dry at night and in the day and gets herself changed even after her bath so why she was like that I don't know.

    Thank you, for showing me I'm doing the right thing by her, she has asked me if she was naughty to which I have said no, and she keeps saying when I change her brothers nappy 'I don't need a nappy I'm a big girl and don't wet myself' so she knows and she knows that he didn't do what he should of. If I can she won't be seeing him again anytime soon. x x x
     
  10. nbrintz

    nbrintz Well-Known Member

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    U r def doing the right thing put wet clothes back on a 4 year old I don't think so especially urine that would make her sore due to the acidity in it what complete idiots go even suggesting that as for court they should see this your way Hun u were doing what was best for your daughter by taking her home for fresh clothes not just to get at him u r not i. The wrong at all well done u for not letting them talk u round x
     
  11. missyeovil

    missyeovil Well-Known Member

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    That's exactly what I thought. It's not like she just tipped a glass of water over herself - it was urine and it would cause her to be incredibly sore if she remained in those clothes. I can't believe they would have suggested that at all! Not to mention that they have obviously neglected their duties to your daughter in the first place. Poor thing xxx
     
  12. Emma.b

    Emma.b Well-Known Member

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    oh my god i am shocked and appalled at this :(

    You are doing brilliant by her hun, you did exactly as i would and good on you for not backing down.

    There are so many wrong things in what you have told us, for starters they should never have let your ex take your little on on his own, they have broken the contact conditions, idiots :/ They have a duty of care to your child and should have stepped in when it was obvious he wasn't going to take your LO to the toilet.

    Who in there right mind puts a near 4 year old on a baby changing mat? Nothing like degrading the poor girl, and to leave her naked after she had wet herself so obviously she'd have been damp and no doubt cold :( It's a contact center where they deal with children, i'm assuming daily?, you'd have thought they'd have blankets yet or some thing to cover her up as soon as they had stripped her. And to demand you put her back in her urine soaked clothes....if you'd have done that in any other instance and you'd be accused of neglect! Not too mention the urine would have irritated her delicate skin.

    This hole thing has me raging! You definitely need to report them hun. x x x
     
  13. tabbi

    tabbi Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, ladies. They have been reported now, my lawyer was very upset as she has known myself since my daughter was born and has now contacted his lawyers and the contact centre in response to there actions/dealings. She was as fuming as me and has said the exact same as all of you. Thank you for your support will update when I know what the out come is, can't wait now until Friday as I have found out I got my amazing barrister again, who hates my ex with a passion. And he always wins my case...it's put a smile on both mine and OH's face knowing he'll be there to fight for us. x x x
     
  14. busymummy

    busymummy Well-Known Member

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    All the best for Friday, let us know how you get on x
     
  15. nbrintz

    nbrintz Well-Known Member

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    Best of luck on Friday x
     
  16. Sunbeam638

    Sunbeam638 Well-Known Member

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    Bless you thank god you reported that. Shocking to be fair you were totally right to leave when you did. Good luck at court xxxxx
     
  17. kayuki123

    kayuki123 Well-Known Member

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    Good luck fri hun and get on you for reporting it! Xx
     
  18. Mellymoomin06

    Mellymoomin06 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear this hun! Im appalled at the contact centres actions!! Let us know how court goes...good luck sweets xxx
     
  19. tabbi

    tabbi Well-Known Member

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    Well today is court, am lucky my consultant has agreed I cannot be there due to the increased stress, but I still have to be available via the phone in-case. I am hoping for some good news now, it's 2 and half years an end in site would be amazing so I can at least get on with my life and my family. Thank you all. Will let you know what the judge said about what happened at the contact centre am hoping it's the same as yourselves x x x
     
  20. nbrintz

    nbrintz Well-Known Member

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    Good luck I'm sure the judge should agree x
     

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