Whats your 1 bit of advice for first timers

[Robbda]

Hi

I've been watching one born.. and I just wondered as I'm nearly half way to the finish line... what's the one thing/piece of about labor or the experience you wish someone had told you about when it was your first time?

I just wondered, for example.. I don't know whether to have my mum and BF in with me or whether its a special thing we should go through alone.. or advice for keeping your strength up? I read somewhere you should try and stick to soup before you go in during early labor as it might help with the old accidental bowel movement ..

 

[MrsS15]

Hi

Before I gave birth I sat both my sisters down and said give it to me straight. One needed a section and one had a ventous delivery. They laughed and told me EVERY good/bad gory detail. They also told me not to have ac strict birth plan as I could end up very let down. I was so grateful for it. I ended up having a very long drawn out not progressing labour which ended a bit scarily. I honestly took it in my stride because I felt prepared. As I had no birth plan, apart from writing down the odd likes/dislikes, I didn't feel disappointed or let down. Plus, with it being first time I had no idea how it was going to feel or how I'd cope with the pain so just taking it as it came definitely helped!

As for your boyfriend and mum, I think that's a very personal decision but one you should ask your boyfriend about. I asked my hubby what he would rather and he said he would prefer us to share this moment together. I respected that as, although it's my body going through it, it's equally his baby and his experience. I'm so glad we done it that way and he was amazing, I couldn't fault him definitely make that decision together!

Never heard of the soup idea. A lot of the time your body will clear you out in the run up to birth so try not to worry. Midwives are also very discreet so you may not even know you've done it

As it's your first it could be a bit longer so prepare some things to keep you busy. And take some snacks, even for your oh if you can't or dont feel like eating! Erm other advice, stay mobile as long as you can. I stopped and lay down and that's when I feel things slowed for me! I couldn't get a birthing pool but had about 10 baths and loved being in the water, I really felt it helped. Next time id avoid pethidine as this can make baby sleepy and not help with labour. Again this is personal preference but something you might want to look into!

If I think of anything else I'll let you know. Lots of luck when it comes xxx

 

[MrsB2105]

It's all personal choice however when I was pregnant with my son a friend told me to not listen to all the horror stories as she did and went in petrified and it was nothing as bad as she had been told ... She also didn't have the best labour so I trusted her words.
I also had no birth plan as I am high risk from a blood disorder so my options are limited, so I went in planning on doing as I was told
My mum came into the delivery room with me and my husband, my dad sat in the waiting room ... When I was ready to push my mum left .... This was always part of her plan as she said that the moment was special for myself and my husband, she said it killed her to leave but she didn't want to take away that moment.
Make sure you take a magazine or book, playing cards or some entertainment as labour can be long, mine was fairly quick but they are all different.
I googled hospital bag lists, read a few and have packed items that I think I will need from them rather than taking things we don't need.
I have also never heard of the soup thing but as Kate says midwives wouldn't tell you if you had anyway I don't think.
Also as difficult as it is try not to overthink the labour as you might work yourself up, just try and go with it, it's all down to baby from now on x

 

[KateK]

My number one piece of advice would be to try not to lose control. I wish i'd prepared mself better mentally for the contractions.. Some of them I really held it together and it was lovely and calm and others I just lost it and was screaming for all to hear! I was all over the place and it all felt very hectic. I'm definitely going to focus on that this time round..

Also, when it comes to pushing, put all your trust in your midwife and listen to what she's saying.. No matter how much it stings she is trying to save you from another world of problems with a tear! Not to scare you, but I pushed fast and furiously (she was out after 20 mins - 3 pushes!) and earned myself a nice almost 3rd degree tear which still hurts 4 years on..

I had my Mum and my boyfriend with me and it was perfect. They complemented eachother brilliantly. My Mum isn't too "busy" if you know what I mean and although she was wonderfully supportive she didn't tread on my partner's toes. I also loved the fact that she'd had 4 children of her own but then got to experience a live birth for herself (her first grandchild at that!) She had tears in her eyes when I delievered and it was just magical It's such a personal decision but I am so glad she was there

 

[KateK]

Oh, and you will not care one jot about poo when you're in the throes of labour ��

 

[Robbda]

Thanks everyone... I was thinking of having a really basic birth plan as I think I would stress if it wasn't going to plan I'm a bit of a control freak at the best of times!

I just don't want OH to say he wants my mum there because he thinks its what I want LOL bless him

KateK thanks for the advice for tearing and focus..good nugget !

 

[MrsMcc]

My mum is my birth partner. My husband is ..... a spectator he's rubbish at stuff like labour.

I didn't make a birth plan I told my mum n hubby what I wanted like the injection to get placenta out, no epidural, skin to skin and breast feed. That's about it. Just go with flow. Midwife will suggest things like having a bath or even some aromatherapy. Each time I've been I'm already 4cm so spend little time thinking about options but I would really go with the flow.
If using gas and air take lip balm my lips were so dry. Also breath deep into it at first I used little breaths but get it right in your lungs. When I had my second I got on with it straight away and the midwife said "oh you've been here before" haha

 

[mummywanabe]

It's prepare for your plans to change, I had my birth plan done, water birth nice music, I barely got my trousers off not even enough time to fill a sink never mind a bath, just go with the flow listen to your midwife, take any pain relief if you need it

 

[flexilexi394]

Some really great suggestions for you so far lol! I second the people that say just listen to your body, loosely have a birth plan and just be prepared for it to change, the calmer you are about things the easier it all goes.

I tore horrendously and that was because I didn't listen to the midwife, so my top advice is just listen to what she's telling you to do!

I personally just had my daughter's dad there, me and my mum wouldn't be good in that sort of situation together, I would just end up getting angry with her because she would get right on my nerves. Same situation this time, just me and my fiance!

Make use of having the midwives there on the ward after you deliver, they are there to help you and give you advice and ask them all you need, I didn't take advantage of this enough the first time round - I felt I went home with some unanswered questions.

I agree about losing control in labour too, I think I lost my mind a little bit every now and then so I would say just stay as calm as you can. Yes it hurts but in a weird way, if you breathe and keep calm I reckon that keeping in control would be easier.

If you think you will be breastfeeding I also recommend that you should get all the advice in the world from the midwives and help too, and don't give up too easily! The first few days are really hard work but once you are over them it becomes easy!

Hope that helps a tiny bit lol - I am trying to remind myself of these pointers as I am due tomorrow!

Oh and lastly, don't get cross if you go overdue, it happens and it isn't the end of the world! xxx

 

[Stupidred]

One born every minute.... Worst thing to watch hahaha i found either the women were screaming in agony or laughing throughout their labour because they'd had epidural or were waiting for planned sections. I ended up with a bit of everything... Birthing pool, loads of positions when pushing failed forceps and emcs. Honestly... the midwives and drs were amazing. I didn't ever feel things were out of control or dramatised. Actually quite calm considering. I vowed not to watch anymore obem this pregnancy.

Be open minded as things don't always go to plan. I liked gas and air and loved being in the water it just relieved the intensity of the contractions. But what works for one doesn't for another so just be open to trying different things.

I had a picture of me and my hubby alone in the room. I was adamant i didn't want anyone else there. But actually my Hubby was dead on his feet so my mum drove us to the hospital second time and she stayed for most of my labour. It relieved some pressure off Hubby as she took care of my bags and when he needed the loo or a coffee she could take over a little.

I second the lip balm x

 

[Summergurl]

My one main bit of advice is be prepared to have a c section.
I certainly wasn't and I really struggle to deal with that fact even now 4months on.

I was never told anything different than expecting a straight forward birth. Baby was even on her side in the last couple of weeks but again, midwife told me she would turn during delivery but it didn't happen and my cervix wouldn't go past 9cm even after 5hours & I was totally unprepared for a c section and how it would make you feel afterwards emotionally.

 

[MrsB2105]

My advice is don't get your heart set on anything, you will be upset and disheartened if your birth plan doesn't go to plan, or if you are unable to breastfeed etc ... always remember you are doing your best and your baby will love you know matter what

Also make sure you have packed your bag with things that are needed to hand, with my eldest my husband was so tired he couldn't find a thing in the bag and took him 5 mins to put an outfit together for the baby, so put a nappy, vest, grow, hat and cardigan on the top or in a side pocket and tell your other half where it is x

 

[MrsTS]

Realise this is an old thread but for anyone who reads it now....
One piece of advice from me would be hold off on pain relief as long as you can. With my first I went into hospital 5cm, they asked if I wanted pain relief and I hesitated, to which the midwife said if I was hesitating I didn't need it. I eventually got g&a at about 8cm and it was amazing. Great advice, I will never forget. Ended up having complications and needing an epidural (poor progression from there) but that's by the by!!

With my second went into hospital at 9cm and got g&a after examination. Again, amazing and didn't need any more pain relief after that. Wee one was born a few hours later.

I know it doesn't work for everyone and I was lucky with my second but that advice worked well for me.

And my advice fwiw for a newborn-get an ergococoon!! Tucks their wee hands in for a better sleep for all

 

[Blueclass]

Don't plan!! I think too many people plan it to a fine detail and in labour anything can happen. I had an induction and ended up in c section I was upset as I'd planned a water birth ect and was stressed saying no this is not meant to happen ect.

 

[wahmshie]

Don't plan!! I think too many people plan it to a fine detail and in labour anything can happen. I had an induction and ended up in c section I was upset as I'd planned a water birth ect and was stressed saying no this is not meant to happen ect.

I second this. Don't plan. At all. Lol

 

[CARNAT22]

Be flexible.

By all means have an ideal birth plan but be realistic and open to the fact it can (and probably will) change.

My first was about as far away from the ideal and it can be very disappointing. My best friend planned a home birth (even bought her own birth pool) and ended up being blue lighted and had an emergency section. She has a lot of guilt and disappointment about the birth but I think she was so absolute about her natural homebirth and so rigid on how she wanted things, she ended up feeling a failure before baby even arrived.

For what it's worth my second birth - when I had zero expectations and didn't bother with a birth plan - ended up being my ideal.

Be open minded and flexible and know that on the day you will do whatever you need to do to get baby here safely.

X

 

[DarcyHodge]

Be open minded.
be prepared for your partner to see all sorts of weird things. I was induced so had my waters broke and needed to pee, so with the help of a midwife we waddled to the loo holding and end up each of what was basically a big puppy pee pad lol. Also after birth I was so set on wanting to try bf but I felt she wasn't getting enough, so at one point my husband had to help me hand express and syringe the colostrum off my nipple. The first shower may seem like a scene from Carrie I endedcup getting a csection and it was still pretty bad.
For hospital bag I packed way to much, my essentials were big black pants though, lipbalm and a bottled water with a sports cap. I hope this helps a little and good luck when the time comes xx

 

[JustTrying]

love this thread.

thankyou to everyone

 

[GBLiz]

My midwife said, with every contraction just think of it as one more you don't have to do again, imagine there are a finite number of contractions and with each one down you are one closer to the goal. However, it only sounds helpful when you arent actually thinking the next contraction will kill you !!!!