What would you do?

[holli]

Hey ladies just want your advise I'm not sure what to do and I'm currently shaking and my hearts pounding as I write this,
My landlord has just left he came to get something that had been left behind (I've known him 5 years and his wife is one of my best friends) he kept asking me about my fave sex positions and asking what knickers I was wearing he kept asking me to bend over and pull my leggings tight to see if I had camel toe (I didn't do any of it) I kept saying no but he kept saying go on I know you want too and I could clearly see he was aroused in his jeans and all the time my oh was on back yard with our neighbor and I was willing him to just walk in but he didn't luckily some one came to door so he got what he came for and went but now it's put me off going to their house and what if he comes back? i don't wana say anything to my oh cos he would kill him and I don't wana say anything to my friend as I don't wana ruin our friendship or cause shit for her family, me and oh are saving to buy this place too as my friend is letting me have it at a great price so I'm really torn and just shocked (sorry for essay I just don't know who else I can tell) xx

 

[Emily0505]

If he comes back you lock the door and don't let him in.

In the meantime you call the police and report him and tell your oh what happened.

That is disgusting behaviour!

Hope you are OK hun.

XX

 

[holli]

Thankyou, it's really thrown me as I've always looked up to him and my friend like a mum and dad they've always treat me like a daughter as they have 3 sons, I'm 31 and his oldest son is same age as me so you can see he's in his 50s as my friend was 50 at beginning of year, they both know we are ttc too, they have their own key with them been landlords. I have no proof though as it would be my word against his and I'm worried incase they say well why didn't you shout oh if he was on garden? It just shocked me that much I froze xx

 

[Emily0505]

Just tell the truth hun and if you were so shocked you froze then that's what you need to say.

Do you have a chain on the door?

I'm not sure what the law is in regards to landlords entering a property. Can he just come in uninvited or does he need to give notice?

Either way you should report his behaviour as it's completely inappropriate.

XX

 

[holli]

Yeah there's a chain on front door but not on back, I'm not sure wether they have to give notice as with them been like family they just walk in and I just walk in when going to theirs xx

 

[Donna88]

Are you ever in the house alone? Especially at times that he knows this?

I'm shocked and I agree with what's been said above, you need to tell your oh and not let him get away with this. Chances are if he's done it once and feels like he got away with it he will try it again.

If they do try and say you're making it up, all you can do is stand by your word. The most important person in this is your other half and I'm sure he will stand by you and believe you. Speak to him first. It's understandable that you didn't know what to do when it happened, I don't think I'd know what to do in a situation like that either.

 

[holli]

I think he was shocked to see my oh was home today as he had the day off work, I'm not sure of his shift patterns but I start a new job tomorrow so he doesn't know my shifts now either, unless oh is working I'm not home alone, I have a staffy but she's rubbish for a staffy she's as soft as anything and lets my landlords grandkids pull her about with out no bother so cos she knows him she wouldn't even protect me if he tried anything. I've not told oh yet I've just said don't leave me alone when or if he comes with out his wife again and he asked me why as he doesn't feel threatened by him and likes him and thought I did seen as we've been on holiday together and how close Iam to his wife I just said there's something creepy about him and that I don't trust him, I just keep thinking about everything he was saying and questioning Wether I'm been too dramatic but he was clearly hard especially asking me if shaved as he doesn't think I'm the kind of girl to have a bush, his wife just rung me (which she does) and it was hard talking normal to her especially as she mentioned him a few times xx

 

[Emily0505]

You need to tell your oh exactly what happened.

In fact I would write everything down while it's still fresh in your mind with the date and time it all happened.

XX

 

[Blueclass]

I agree write it all down why it's fresh. Also you really need to tell your OH. I'm sorry but if he comes back and dis worse your OH would be pissed ypu didnt tell him about this. His behaviour is totally out of order. Also land lords are not aloud to just enter you need to be given notice. Please please twll your OH and write this down. I'm sorry but I think your crazy if you dont.

 

[Donna88]

You really need to tell your oh, he could come back and do worse... or he might accuse you of something.
You are a victim here and keeping it secret only protects him.

 

[Blueclass]

How would you feel of he did this to someone else and you could have prevented that. I know it's hard believe me I do but that's why I feel you should stand up and say what this creep did. X

 

[holli]

I know I need to get my big girl pants on I'm just psyching myself up for all the shit that's guna happen that's what im not good at I can't deal with confrontation but who can? Oh can tell something's on my mind he keeps asking if I'm ok so I'm just guna psyc myself up, don't know what I'd do with out you ladies thankyou xx

 

[Donna88]

Your oh is clearly caring and has cottoned onto the fact that something isn't right.

Keep us updated on how it goes, you are right no-one likes confrontation and it is much easier for us to tell you what you should do than it will be for you to do it, but if you didn't tell anyone it would only result in you worrying on your own and possibly making yourself ill.

*hugs* xx

 

[Blueclass]

It's up to you of you take it further but by telling your OH you can make sure your not home alone ect. He could even say to the guy i know what you said to my gf and if you even look at her funny il tell your wife what a fucking prev you are!!! It's hard when you have to say something but once it's out you will feel better.
Keep us updated x

 

[MrsS15]

I can totally understand why you would be reluctant to say anything - it will change your relationship with your friend and your future with the house. That's a scary thought for you too! At the very very least I would tell your oh, ask to talk to him in a calm way and ask for his assurance that he will stay calm. Confiding in him and writing it down will cover your back if it was to ever happen again. If that was to happen I would go straight to the police!

My sister is a landlord and it's illegal for her to go into the property when you have tenants. She can do arranged inspections but can't just let herself in. Once you've spoken to your oh ask him to put a chain on the back and front door to give you reassurance.

If he come to the door, ignore it. If you have something arranged where you are all getting together, stay by your oh and make a point of doing it! You could go to the police now and ask for a record to be kept of the incident without them having to speak to him? As very unfortunately it would be your word against his, and I've no doubt a prick like him would deny it!

I hope you're as okay as can be hun xx

 

[holli]

Thankyou, sorry I've not updated I've just done a 12 hour shift the joys of care work, I spoke to oh last night as he kept asking what was wrong and kept saying don't say "nothing" I know there is, he went ape shit he wanted to go and bury him he said he's out of line but the fact he did it while oh was just on back yard infuriated him, he did calm down when he saw how bothered I was, he's agreed for my sake as he knows how I feel for my friend his wife not to touch him although he said he can't promise saying something to him when he next sees him, he's put a camera on front and on drive today when he finished work as he thinks he will try and push his luck he's warned me that if he does come again he will kill him and I won't be able to stop him xx

 

[Donna88]

Glad to hear you spoke to oh.

Also glad that he has taken you seriously and respected your wishes. Good idea to have the camera's installed. Does that make you feel a little safer?

At least now you know your oh won't leave you alone with him again, whereas before he wouldn't have thought twice considering he thought you were all friends and trusted this man.

 

[holli]

Yeah it does a little as I know I have proof if he did come, oh says it will make him feel better too while he's at work knowing I'm home alone he can keep checking on it as he's linked it to his iPhone he's now got the joys of trying to teach me how to put it on record! Wonder if my landlord notices them if he does come as they are quite small and the one on the drive way blends in with the guttering, I'm a little nervous that it's my day off tomorrow but it's also my friends day off so I'm hoping he won't show, It's not a nice feeling when you don't feel safe in your own home xx

 

[KHTW]

That's horrible! Sorry you had to experience that in you own home And good decision on telling OH.

But honestly, I would be looking for a different place to live. And also if my OH did something like that to my best friend, I would never forgive her for not telling me... If he was like this with you (a friend, almost family) I can only imagine what he is like with other women.

Hope you feel better soon and safer with the camera installed x

 

[Aqu]

Just run he is psychopath