What should i do?

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by Amylize, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Amylize

    Amylize Well-Known Member

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    Obviously finding out just before xmas i was pregnant was and is fantastic news for me my OH and everybody that knows! Not many people dont!

    But,

    We had plans for a stag do and hen party (my friends are getting married)

    Girlies were going to Blackpool or Manchester on 30th June (ill be about 7 months) so i wont be going!

    Guys were going to York, staying over on 20th June.

    I feel it's unfair him going out and i cant!? is this wrong?

    Im also so worried about money this year, baby stuff to buy, family wedding anniversary in June and a wedding in July! I derent tell him i think it's unfair he goes i just know it will cause problems! :wall2:

    Long storey cut short (we have trust issues or he does and it makes me have them too) i cheated he knows and were working through it because we love each other and this year is our new start.

    But i know he will think it's because of this that i dont want him to go!?

    What should i do?

    x
     
  2. frankie247

    frankie247 Well-Known Member

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    Personally if it was me, I would say he could go. Just because you don't want to go, doesn't mean he shouldn't and if you were both planning to go on the parties before you fell pregnant then I don't see the problem.

    I'd just tell him that I'd expect lots of tlc to make up for it :) dinner, massage chocolates etc. :) your other option is to talk to him, he may not really want to go and leave you for the weekend. But make sure you make it clear that's it's not because you are jealous that you don't want him to go.
     
  3. Tanya4beauty

    Tanya4beauty Well-Known Member

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  4. pregpixie76

    pregpixie76 Well-Known Member

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    why arent u going?u will be 7 months not 9 and it will probably be the last time to go have some real fun before baby arrives.
    most people who cheat generally have trouble trusting others and themselfs imo,but everyone makes mistakes and u have to move beyond that and trust yourself to do the right thing then u can work on trusting your OH.i'd let him go to the do and not make a fuss.
     
  5. Amylize

    Amylize Well-Known Member

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    it's nothing to do with trust at end of the day whats done is done, i cant change that and he was the one who wanted to make us work.

    I'm not going because i cant, the hen party lands on the day i am in scotland at a family do, family comes first.

    It's the money that i have issues with, baby, parties, wedding then living once baby is here. granted people say you will cope etc but i dont just want cope i want to be comfortable
     
  6. kra0

    kra0 Well-Known Member

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    Hi, if it was me I'd just discuss the money side of things with him and maybe say you're glad that you can't go because it will save some money and see what his reply is to that? You might find he agrees with you.
     
  7. pregpixie76

    pregpixie76 Well-Known Member

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    sit down with your partner and go through your bills ,debts, living expenses how much u can save for the baby and how much u have for entertainment and try to stick to it.personally i think the uk will be hit even harder this yr financially .throw a baby shower like the americans do for extra baby things.
     
  8. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    It seems, maybe I'm wrong, but if u weren't going to be pregnant over this date then ud be happy to go.

    Money is always going to be an issue, I know it will for me and my DH, but if his friend is getting married and having a stag do, I'd never expect my DH not to go. I'd let him decide for himself.

    It is unfair of u to expect him not to go imo.

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     
  9. Amylize

    Amylize Well-Known Member

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    Its not just his friend tho the girl is my friend as well. Its nothing to do with being fair its making sure we can live comfortably when our baby is here and give everything we have to them. I can go without but at end of the day its a journey were meant to be taking together not be trying to do it all alone. It is his choice at end of the day I wouldnt stop him going but he would know how I felt about it
     
  10. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    Maybe set a budget that he can spend on his night out?
    Are you peeved that you can't go so you don't want him to go either? (I can be a bit like that :blush:)
     
  11. Joanne1982

    Joanne1982 Well-Known Member

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    I also found out i was pregnant just befor christmas me and the hubby were made up. The baby is due in august and i was supposed to be brides maid 1st of septemeber and my hubby the best man. The groom is having a stag doo for 4 days abroad and my hubby has told him that he wont be going - its 4 weeks before the due date and (touch wood) if anything happened while he was there he would never be able to forgive himself. The hen party will take place when im 7 months pregnant and im not going togo - it might be my last chance to go out with the girls but being the only soba person with 20 drunken girls is no my idea of fun. Plus the pennies that will be spent could/will be used for the baby. Its all about priorities i wouldnt want my hubby leaving me over night whilst pregnant - im with you i dont think he should go regardless of the trust issues x
     
  12. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    Aw I'd let him go, it's possibly the last blow out he'll have for a while once baby is here x
     
  13. Joanne1982

    Joanne1982 Well-Known Member

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    get him a crate of beer he can have a blow out in the comfat of his own home ha ha - i know what you mean cosmo and if i wasnt pregnant id probably say the same but maybe its just me but id get nervous knowing that my hubby wasnt close by. Dont get me wrong my hubby still goes to the pub with his mates and the gym after work and everything that he has always done but being somewhere that would put a lot of distance between us i wouldnt feel comfy with in case there was an emergancy x
     
  14. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I think if you're anything over 35 weeks then yeah, I'd want oh to be within 2hrs of our house but before that I think you're safe. As long ad you could get hold of him on the phone if needed x
     
  15. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Maybe I'm too laid back.
    I'd never expect him not to go just because I'm pregnant.
    If we agreed on a budget and he phoned me every day, I really don't see what the issue is.

    Although, to be fair, my husband would probably elect not to go, but if he did decide to go, I'd be ok with that.

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     
  16. Kirsty.Y.84

    Kirsty.Y.84 Well-Known Member

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    I think if it is the money you are worried about then discuss that with him. There are things that we were going to do this year which we are not doing now that we're pregnant.

    It's not unfair to expect him not to go as your circumstances have changed dramatically and before you probably wouldn't have thought twice about spending money on a stag do! Obviously it would be unfair if the only reason was because you weren't going, but you've said it's mainly due to the money thing.

    Speak to him hun, I'm sure he will understand, and if not, then like some of the others have said, set a budget for the wknd that he has to stick to.

    Good luck x x
     
  17. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    Would it be possible for you both to arrange to do something together with the stag and hen on another day locally before the wedding?

    that way neither of you miss out and your friends will also feel like you've shared a mini stag/hen do with them. Even if it's just going out for a nice walk and a Sunday roast at your house or a cheap pub lunch, might be an alternative that makes everyone happy.
    Xx
     
  18. Ashley89

    Ashley89 Well-Known Member

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    I'm with the majority I would never expect oh not to go and my friend is getting married in march and her hen do is in february due to it being a drinking weekend I won't be going but I have arranged a surprise one back home for her (meal and a drink for them :) ) as why should miss out because I'm pregnant.

    The thought of not wanting my oh to go away when I'm 7 months pregnant would never cross my mind now if it was 3 weeks before my due date that would be different!

    And personally if u don't want to start anything I would not tell him how ur feeling, like most have said u where both going to be going if u wasn't pregnant and the fact u won't be going will be saving u money so just tell him not to go over board and use the money u would have spent on the baby! That's what I have done anyway! And there's never a right time to with money and u will never believe you will be comfortable but everybody gets by and you'll have an amazing little one to look at and you will wondering why you stressed so much!
     
  19. Amylize

    Amylize Well-Known Member

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    We do speak and i am a massive worrier always have been and always will be. I hate people saying "you'll get by" it's not the point. I pay everything and if he knew exactly what we paid on a monthly basis he would prob see where i am coming from. If he wanted to go then thats up to him but i wouldnt sit back and not tell him how i felt because it will only make things worse on my part.

    Our friends would understand why we arnt going they have two kids of their own! We were meant to be going to Amsterdam in June for my birthday but i wont be going now due to i dont fancy walking around amsterdam for 4 days at 7 months pregnant. We have both decided not to do this and i have spoken to the Hen and she didnt think i would want to go because of being the only "sober" lady out with drunken women and stupid men who have been drinking!

    Granted you may think i am up tight but far from it, I have given him a choice. We spoke last night i got loads of my chest told him exactly what we pay out and i want to be able to enjoy our time as a twosome while we can because become August we will have a little bundle of joy which will no doubt take up all our time.

    We are still going to the wedding in September so we arnt missing out on the best bit so i dont think i am in the wrong.
     
  20. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Good :)

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     

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