What is the matter with me?!

[Natalilly1288]

Hi ladies after finding out I was pg last week with a lovely strong line but then tests started getting much lighter I've started bleeding today I knew I would deep down but I'm still gutted I would only be 5 weeks but after a poss chem last month where I got a bfp in the day my period was due then a bfn the very next day and the month before a mc at 5 5 I just feel at a loss what is wrong with my stupid body? What have I done to possibly deserve this? My doc said he doesn't think there is a prob and its just bad luck but it doesn't feel like that today I want to be a mummy So bad but I don't no if I can take much more heartbreak you never think it will be you it scares me So much to think it may never happen xxx

 

[flisstebbs]

I'm on my 5th pg after 4 losses. Its the toughest, most awful thing to go through recurrent mc. Some very lovely ladies gave me some very good advice last year when i was in a dark place with it all and going through the rmc tests.

Carnat told me that 70% have normal test results: we fell into that group.

My consultant and a few other ladies have told me along the way that if you want a baby, you have to keep trying, and bear the heartbreak. Statistically, if you can bear the pain, you will get what you want... eventually.

Take some time to get over this, and you'll be able to carry on. In Dec after my 4th mc, i thought we should give up, but by Feb, i willingly got back into ttc again. Time really does heal.

Be kind to yourself and don't blame yourself. Most mc are down to bad luck in the end, but it doesn't feel like that when your going through it. So sorry for your loss x

 

[Natalilly1288]

Thankyou for your kind words I don't think I can give up I have always wanted children and I'm still very young I go on holiday in 2 weeks so after my holiday I'm hoping I will feel refreshed and in time we will try again my oh is supportive and says he's ready whenever I am. How many weeks gone are you Hun? I wish you all the luck in the world xxx

 

[lozzalozza]

Obviously I have no way of knowing what will happen in the future with you or myself or anyone else, but it is still very early days and what your doctor says is right. Frustrating and heartbreaking as it is we just have to keep trying till we get to hold our baby. Maybe we'll need some medical help, maybe we won't ( more likely not) but we still have to keep going and one day it will all be worth it. Why some people's roads are longer and harder than others I don't know, it isn't fair but as someone said to me every hurdle jumped gets you closer to your sticky bean. So sorry you are having all this heartache, take care of yourself, lots of hugs xxx.

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi hun,

Firstly I am sorry to hear this.

Losses always upset me but women who have recurrent losses always stand out to me.

I had 3 losses in 2011 @ 8w, 5w and 6w.

Luckily the Dr I saw was amazing and referred me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic despite the fact I hadn't actually "reported" my middle loss (it happened on a Friday night and by the Monday I knew it was all done)

If it is something you wish to pursue then you can go back to your GP and be as forceful as possible about being referred.

It can take a while to get an appointment and they do take quite a lot of blood [they took 14 vials from me in one go ], they will also take blood from your OH and do some basic chromosome tests. Also they'll do an internal scan. It's a lot to go through BUT I am older [I was 31 in 2011] and I just couldn't face losing another pregnancy.

As Fliss says I was advised a high percentage of people who suffer recurrent losses show no obvious reasons and I fell into that category. By the time we went back for our results I was pregnant for the 4th time and this pregnancy was successful. In fact my 4th pregnancy is 7 months old today!!!

Take some time out, enjoy your holiday and take it from there - if you have any questions just yell.

xxxxxxx

 

[Natalilly1288]

Wow thankyou carnat that does give me hope! I never reported my middle one as it was over before it began! I think I've got myself so tense since April with this ttc journey and works so stressful at the min that I def need a holiday I'm happy I haven't got long to wait tonight my oh gave me a big hug and said we will get there let's just try and take comfort in the fact that it obvs wasn't meant to be let's have a great hol without having to worry about anything and see what happens when we get back it has made me feel better I think tbh I knew deep down this one wasn't meant to be xxxx

 

[Sophie_P]

I'm sorry Natalie xx

 

[T84]

So sorry your going through this again Natalie. Massive hugs x x

 

[timtam78]

Hey hun, so so sorry for your loss. ...there's quite a few of us going through or been through this, you're not alone hun. I've been ttc for almost 2 years, I don't seem to get preg that easily but I've had 2 mc in that time. One at 11 wks, one at almost 5. I often wonder if there's something wrong with me. We've all just got to keep battling on and when we get there it will be so worth it!!

 

[Pearl999]

Sorry to hear this hugs xx

 

[BBaby]

I'm so sorry to read this, big hugs and don't give up .... You will get there in the end xxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

I'll be rooting for a fellow Natalie

Just do what feels right hun and enjoy yourself a little.

I spent a year TTC / being preggers / getting over a loss and it really effected all that was good in my life.

I took a step back and bingo! Sticky bean

xxxxxxxx

 

[flisstebbs]

I'm like Nat, I took a mental step back, and I'm now 17 weeks! Not there yet but def getting there! Have a fab holiday with your OH, we had some crackers over the 2.5years its taken us and its been lovely time together. Don't put life on hold for this, its always better to have to cancel stuff cos you've cracked it!

I'm sure you will get your sticky bean. X

 

[laurat]

Im sorry for your loss honey! Go away and have an amazing holiday and think about it when you get back!!

 

[Natalilly1288]

Thankyou for your kind words despite being in a lot of pain today I'm not giving up I can't! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I'm just going to take some time enjoy my hol and see what happens xxxxxx

 

[Lou1103]

So sorry to hear of your losses hun, the uncertainty is the worst part of it. Try not to beat yourself up, none of this is your fault life is just shit hope you're ok, here if u need to talk xxx

 

[Lozzaste]

Oh Nat, I'm so sorry
The one thing that keeps me going is that I never want to look back on my life and think that I didn't at least try, and keep trying. That way I know I did my best!
I have every faith you will get your sticky bean xx big hugs xx

 

[Natalilly1288]

Thank you ladies I'm trying to keep busy and not get too down its harder said than done tho! I will get there I'm not 'trying' as such this month as going on hol soon but I'm not using any protection I'm hoping a relaxed approach may help! Also ordered some baby asprin and vit d to take so I'm really hoping its my turn for a sticky bean soon xxxxxx

 

[AJay]

Hi Hun

I am so sorry for your loss. I found your thread when searching for recurrent miscarriage. Stay strong and focus on what you really want. You are young and if strong and resilient to the heartache that miscarriages bring, you will get that baby/babies in your arms (big hugs).

My situation is different. I already have a wonderful four year old son. I became pregnant with him within 4 moths of tttc and on the first month I used opks. Since trying for our second child in 2011 I have been pregnant twice both ending in silent misarriages in T1. (we took a couple of tcc breaks of 2-3 months in 2012 for various reasons) I am now on the waiting list to be seen as a recurrent miscarriage patient. It is usually 3 miscarriages that triggers this but as I am over 35, they will start the process with 2.

For me positive mental attitude is crucial and I need to keep thinking about when I have another healthy pregnancy not if. For me hearing about other people's bfps is very motivating and I love seeing gorgeous baby bumps. In the weeks surrounding my miscarriages these images made me quite upset, but this has quickly turned into hope this time. It took longer with my first mc.

Have a wonderful holiday - sending you lots of sparkly baby dust.xxx

 

[Natalilly1288]

Thank you so much for your kind words Ajay it's hard but Im not giving up I can't it's all I have ever wanted I'm keeping everything crossed for a healthy pg soon! Lots of love and luck to you too can't wait for my holiday 1 week today!! Need the break! Xxxxx