Were you ever put under any pressure to have kids?

[bwakeling]

Hi all,

I'm writing a piece for BornFree about the pressure that childless couples sometimes have from friends and (mostly) family to have kids.

Were you ever put under any pressure to have children? Not direct pressure, but those snide few remarks said in jest but with a serious undertone. Were your parents desperate to become grandparents?

Your stories would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks,

Ben xx

 

[Mrs.s]

I wasn't no I couldn't wait to start my family I have always wanted children since I can remember!

 

[pixie17]

no but my OH and i did get asked and comments made to us from various family members about us ahving kids. if i didnt want to have them i would have felt under pressure to do so, im having them becuase i want them

 

[wifeywifey]

Not that it made any difference to my choice I was 26 when I had my 1st but my mum had kept saying she cant wait to be a grandmother since I was 16 which pee'd me off

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[JJ Mum]

My freind has been TTC for 4 years since her mmc, with no luck, I know she feels loads more pressure to have kids from the MIL! When she does get pregnant, she is not going to tell her for ages, as it will add to the stress in tri 1 . MIL already has a moses basket etc ready brought way to early in tri 1 last time, MMC was at 12 weeks). Better to be allowed to relax while TTC I think

 

[kaz1983]

I suppose in a way I put myself under pressure to have kids for a little while. My brother is gay and I know that isn't a reason for him not having kids not for one second but I got it into my head that if I didnt have children I would perhaps be letting my parents down and depriving them of being grandparents to more than just guinea pigs.

However this feeling passed years ago and I have wanted children for ages except wasny sure hubby did and it did get to me but I thought if thats what he wants then fair enough but we talked about it and he wanted kids all along just wasny sure he was ready and here we are finally having our first minion xx

 

[vickib_1984]

I had no pressure in fact as I had my son at 18 I was berated for doing it too early...........am expecting number 2 in 7 days but the only bit if pressure I get is from mil and sil to have a girl as its all boys in the family and the other bit I got was the age gap as there will be 8 and a half years between them but the wait was due to personal reasons with our son than any thing else xxx

 

[Constantstar]

I think alot of people used to say to my mum why haven't I had kids yet. Alot of people younger than me had had children and made their parents grandparents. None of my close friends had/ have babies I'm the first so I don't think there was pressure there in that respect. But I felt like being 27 at the time was seen to be quite old!? Not sure of other experiences x

 

[inky]

My partner and I were together 14 years before we had our son, many of those years were spent fielding little comments about why we didn't have kids, mostly good natured, and mostly from my nan, who was over the moon when we told her over Xmas dinner that we were having a baby due the following august. Sadly she passed away unexpectedly a few months before he was born though, so never got to meet him or see me as a mum. It's something that will bother me forever I fear

 

[Maria1977]

Yes! My mum always wanted me to have children but I had far too much fun in my 20s to want to have kids. My partner and I waited until I was 33 before we started trying, fell within weeks. The pressure at this stage was from myself because of my age.

I would've been happy to have waited another 20 years before having kids lol

Best thing I ever did though, love being a mummy! But glad that I got to grow up and enjoy my life first.

 

[Cazza]

Yes, my mother called me a selfish cow when in my 20's I told her we wouldn't be having children. I decided to never discuss the subject again with her so she never knew why.

She spent the next 15-20 years practically ignoring me and OH whilst throwing herself intot he Grandmother role with my two siblings and their children. We were never invited to days out, meals and celebrations.

Her remarks and indirect pressure put a huge strain on our relationship and quite possibly actually put me off wanting a family for a while.

And now at the grand old age of 41 I have just had my first LO. Sadly for her I don't feel I need her in my life much, but I do endeavour to make sure LO see's her now and again.

 

[confuzed 88]

My mother in law went on about it alot, I had only been married a year but she would never get of my case, I never really listened to her,m, just amused her by saying ok n sho I'm listening to her. I was only 22 at the time.. I think ppl just need to back off, say it once but don't go on abt it like an idiot, its frustrating