Weird :(

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Lilmisshopeful, Jul 25, 2013.

  1. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    How can you look fine on the outside while dying on the inside? That's all I wanna know. Why doesn't it show on the outside how we really feel :( I swear my hearts breaking for real xxx
     
  2. Cherrybelly

    Cherrybelly Well-Known Member

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    It is weird. Today I managed to go shopping to get a travel cot for my neice as she and my sister are coming home for the weekend. I put on my bravest face and shopped in mothercare with my dad (he didn't know was preg) I was dying on the inside but normal on the outside (except for the puffy eyes..) Fight the good fight I say xxxx
     
  3. mrz85

    mrz85 Well-Known Member

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    bless you , hugs ! X
     
  4. smnicholson92

    smnicholson92 Well-Known Member

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    I no excatly how ir feelin hun my neice was born two days before my angel baby gorl was born and wen we went to see herrgi had just just put on a brave face and pretend everything was oki but on the inside my heart was been torn in half and ripped oit chin up hun its get easier im here if u ever just want a chat xxx
     
  5. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry hun, I've been there and it's devastating. It's just crazy how life goes on around you while you are crumbling inside and no-one can see it.

    Be kind to yourself hun, one day at a time xxx


     
  6. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls your kindness means the world. I'm just in the angry stage now and feel like screaming. Now I'm almost physically better people ask me to do things like normal things and are talking to me about random things they like and I feel like screaming at them that I don't give a damn do you not remember my baby just died. I can feel it building up and I'm worried. I don't want to take it out on other people but the worlds going on while I'm standing still. Why can't it just wait for me lol. I actually just made myself laugh with how ridiculous I sounded there but I'm not ready to let go and move on yet. Oh keeps himself busy and don't like talking about cos cos he hates seeing me upset. How can he function when I don't even have the oomph to shower let alone hobbies :/ arghhh I am actually falling apart I thought I was safe I'd never made 15 weeks before other than with my daughter :( xxx
     
  7. jojo3972

    jojo3972 Well-Known Member

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    I've never been one to show my feelings and I never want ppls sympathy I like to deal with stuff on my own in my own way and for me crying I the shower or in bed etc was how I would deal but if so one mentioned the mc I would lose it big time for many any weeks after it was horrendous used to feel like my heart was exploding in my chest , still have bad days now and it's over a yr now :-( xx
     
  8. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    Part of the counselling i had was focusing on "pretending to be ok" as a therapeutic exercise. Basically if you can go to the supermarket and hold it together just for that hour or so and "pretend" to be normal, it does you the world of good, and gives you something to build on. Its ok to allow yourself to fall apart the rest of the time, just build up bit by bit.

    It is awful how you feel inside, i just wanted to scream at people who were trying to carry on as normal around me - how could they????
     
  9. Beckyb1991

    Beckyb1991 Well-Known Member

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    Awww huni :( I'm so sorry your feel like this. It does get easier I promise! Xxxx
     
  10. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    You would never believe this is my 6th miscarriage it's by far the worst one for me. Maybe as I was further along or maybe cos I nearly died I don't know but I am really struggling to exist. I just ordered a beautiful memory book that should come in a few days for me to put my pics in and poems ect it's lovely and I've had it personalised with babies name and birthday on the front with a little angel. Half hour before I was planning a leaving do and present for my daughter who is off to uni. So people think I'm coping cos I'm doing what needs to be done. If only they knew I want to fall asleep and not wake up till it doesn't hurt any more xxx
     
  11. Iwant3

    Iwant3 Well-Known Member

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    unspoken grief is horrible!
     
  12. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    We are all here for you, we all know how it feels to loose a little one. There is no need to hide your grief or pain with us

    Michelle x
     
  13. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    No truer words written. Without the site I don't know where I would be. No one should have to suffer the losses we have but in truth it happens every day. Being able to come in here and talk to people with no holding back because they know how you feel and what you mean is truly a life saver. You have all been amazing and for that I thank you xxx
     
  14. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    I know I certainly wouldn't of gotten through my 3 losses if it hadn't been for this forum and all the amazing ladies on it. I have had some very dark days in the last year and knowing there are ladies on here who care and are willing to listen to me rambling on and offer love and advice has truly helped me deal with my losses and helped give me the courage to keep trying for my precious little baby.

    Michelle x
     
  15. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    It is deffo the best site I have ever been on. The women on here are truly amazing. I have the courage but the oh wont have none of it. I just finally plucked up the courage to tell him I want to try again and he said no way. He said its not worth the risk and reminded me I nearly died. I told him pregnancy didn't nearly kill me an operation to remove a baby did but he said I mean far to much to him to take the risk and he don't want a baby. I am broken hearted once again. I'd scream and shout and cry if I didn't totally understand the way he feels and I love him to much. I just wanted a baby so badly and knowing its never going to happen now kills me. It really was my last chance :( xxx
     
  16. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    I can see where you are both coming from. Your both right but there are other safer options on having a family. I know it's not the way you wanted to get your little baby but you could go down the surragacy or adoption route. The whole situation is still very raw for both of you. Maybe in a few weeks your OH might change his mind or you might change your mind once the healing process is well on the way. Then you can sit down properly and talk through every option and come up with a compromise that suits both of you.

    Michelle x
     
  17. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I would never try to make him change his mind I love him to much and respect his feelings. I couldn't adopt I suffer with depression so they would never allow even tho I was a foster carer before. Weird huh. I will just have to come to terms with it. I still have him and I'm happy it's just hard to accept its game over. Thanks for being there xxx
     
  18. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    Aww huni, I am here whenever you need me. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better for you and help you get your little one x

    Michelle x
     
  19. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I honestly can't thank you enough your kindness is amazing and helps more than you can imagine. Ill be ok I know it's just going to take time to get over it. It's been so much more than normal to handle. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for I know I will get there xxx
     
  20. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    We all have strength we never thought we had when we have to endure such sadness. Take all the time you need to recover physically and mentally and in the meantime I am alway here to listen to you vent x

    Michelle x
     

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