Wedding rant!

[herbalhippie]

hello ladies - appologies in advance for the rant....
OH and I are getting married at the end of may and so far we've managed to book the registry and reception venue, and thats about it - we got engaged Jan 08 and I've just had LO (2 months old already - how does time go so quickly!?) so I've been seriously disorganised about everything. Now I'm tearing my hair out because I'm trying to get my parents to discuss budgeting and guest lists etc. They've paid for the venue and are paying for the food and drink at the reception, but I'm not sure if they'll pay for anything else... my rant is that we can only fit 80 people and they want to invite around 50!!! of which half I'm ok with and want there but the other half I dont really know and dont want there! They feel entitled to invite them since they are paying... but I feel like i'm being pushed aside so they can have their own little party! Its really difficult since OH and I have pretty much no money, and my parents have a fair amount so will be expecting a certain level of decor etc... but they still havent said if they expect me to provide that or if they will... (flowers, cake, favours???) and if they are going to help me with my wedding dress... I know it seems really shallow and I know I'm so lucky that they are paying for the reception but I dont want to turn up to my wedding where half my friends cant come and in a dress that looks less than spectacular! I just wish they would agree to have a proper conversation about money but my dad is so strange about discussing it.. . and I dont even really know whats reasonable to spend on anything! (I've been to 1 wedding in England!)
So.. if anybody has any advice on wedding budgeting / talking to parents about budgets / guest lists I'd be grateful for your words of wisdom!!!!
love and hugs xxx

 

[A&J]

I really feel for you, I could start my own rant on here about this but I will try not too

You have got to talk to your parents, Make a list of what needs doing/paying for and ask them what they are helping you with, so you know what is what and where you stand. If they are not willing to talk about what they are paying towards then just take it that they are not paying for anything so you know where you are and how much you have. You should be enjoying planning your wedding.

Also make a guest list of who YOU and YOUR OH want at YOUR wedding. Sorry for the big letters but this REALLY winds me up! and have a look at your parents list ( without your parents there as it could turn into an argument) The ones that YOU want there then invite the ones that you don't want their then either don't invite them or could you invite them to the Evening reception if you are having one

Yes your parents are helping pay towards it but it is YOUR wedding NOT THERES. They have had their wedding day.

We had SOOOOOO many problems because my MIL was trying to take over and we are really only just talking now 5 years later. My brother is getting married in 5 weeks and his DF parents are the same just because they OFFERED to help pay towards it they seem to think it gives them a right on who goes, where it is, everything.

Sorry for my rant there

It is not shallow at all, what you have to remember is they offered to pay does not mean they have a say on your day...sorry to sound harsh there but like I say it really winds me up

Make another list of what is left to do.

Invites....you could make your own it will save a fortune and the personal touch is lovely

Have you checked out the wedding thread.....viewtopic.php?f=9&t=97117 They have some fab ideas and will be able to help loads.

I really hope you get things sorted soon so that you can enjoy planning your wedding.

 

[herbalhippie]

Thanks A&J for all the , support and advice! I think I will try to sit down and seriously see exactly what needs doing and how much it will cost and then sit down with the parents. I've already told them I dont want anybody I dont know at the wedding.. after all what's the point?!

I was really getting strung up and stressed about it, but now I realise that it doesnt have to be that way, and I'm looking forward to the planning - so again, thanks! and will def. check out the wedding thread too!


xb

 

[A&J]

You are welcome

I loved planning my wedding then MIL started about 4 months before the wedding and I was sooo stressed. a week before the wedding I burst into tears because of her and actually said to DH to tell her to f*ck off and not turn upto the wedding I changed my mind because DH only has 1 mum but the day itself had an 'air' about it when she was near me which spoilt the day a bit for me.

I am pleased that you are not as stressed as much now and like I say enjoy the planning and enjoy your day

The wedding thread is great I often go and have a read and wish I was still planning my wedding

 

[mamichuli]

Aw hun, just a note in the same vein as has been expressed so far, from experience i can tell you that i look back on my wedding day and realise that it wasnt MY day, it was my ex MIL's day cos she decided what would happen in so many instances...as it happens it wasnt MR right either, so just as well. If my dear OH and i ever do manage to get married, it will be what WE want all the way!

Dont let others plan your day and dont give in to others to keep the peace. You want to look back on your day with fondness, not frustration.




Lisa

 

[skuggs]

ILs can be a right pain in the rear. For my wedding, I decided I wanted a sit down served meal rather than a buffet. My MIL rang me up and said she and HER 2 daughters had decided I MUST have a buffet because otherwise it will "look cheap!" The fact that the set menu cost more than double was irrelevant. My lovely bridesmaid rang her up and gave her what for, so MIL rang back to apologise. My only wedding tips are to do exactly what YOU want (OH only gets a say if he helps), and get your bridesmaid to be bridezilla. Mine was terrifyingly protective, it was ace and meant everybody still got along with me