Hey ladies, This post is long and not very positive but I need to get it off my chest. So I am pregnant with bubba number 3. This LO is my first with my current partner though we've been together since my DD was 3 and DS was 6 months so he calls DP dad. As happy as I was with my two kids i know OH always wanted to experience it from the beginning and he is a fantastic dad so I am ready to do it all again. We tried for almost a year with no success and then last july we were going to Ibiza for a wedding so decided to take a break from TTC but low and behold this was the month we caught. I found out just before our holiday and was about 5 weeks when we went. The day after we got back I woke up to be in a very bloody bed. I was convinced I'd miscarried. I told my DP that we'd lost it and we cried but I really didn't want to go to the out of hours (being a weekend) so i curled up on the sofa and waited until Monday. The bleeding continued and light cramps. On the Monday my DP and I went to the doctors and were referred to our EPAU for a scan. They had to do an internal which was uncomfortable but you could've knocked me over with a feather when the sonographer saw two little heartbeats. We were having twins, identical they said and we were floored. I had been convinced we were having a miscarriage. For the next week and a bit we were in shock and I carried on bleeding but the EPAU had explained this with a subchorionic hematoma. At 8 weeks we decided to have a private scan due to the bleeding and in this scan we were told that one of the twins had not made it. It had stopped growing at about 7+2 so about 3 days after that first scan. I was crushed but weirdly relieved to still have one. Well anyway since that day to this at 24+2 I am waiting for something to go wrong. I read so much about identical twins and vanishing twin and the fact that usually vanishing twin is due to chromosomal defects and surely identical twins would have the same chromosomes. I have asked doctors but they say they don't know. One tried to convince me that they weren't in the same placenta but I had the scan pic. I try to convince myself every day that they just don't know enough about vanishing twins to be able to give me answers but it doesn't stop the anxiety. Every time i go for a scan Im convinced they are going to tell me the baby has gone or is ill but the baby is perfect. I've had my 20 week scan and they looked at everything and were happy. I have a loving family and an amazing partner but I cant tell them about how I feel because my family just dismiss it as 'silly' and my DP is so excited I dont want to keep raining on his parade. My GP has signed me off work for a few days because I'm not sleeping. I keep having dreams that it all goes wrong, i cant go the loo without being sure I'm going to see blood. Now the baby is kicking and I'm so ready to get excited but I cant. I just want to be enjoying my pregnancy and I'm so frustrated with myself.