Urgent advise :(

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Mummy to one, Mar 19, 2016.

  1. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies,

    I need advice badly!

    I posted about 8 months ago about my long term partner as we were growing apart and we're breaking up. I didn't think I would be able to get over him as I was so hurt. I was really lucky and met the nicest guy I have ever knowen in my life very quickly and we got in to a relationship which was pretty serious.

    We have been together for about 6 months and he would do anything for me and my son and you it was 100% obvious that he loved us both very much. He literally ran after us both 24/7 but I took it for granted and still thought about my ex a lot and so didn't put enough in to our relationship.

    Last week he broke up with me. To say I am devestated would be an understatement. The quote "you don't know what you have until it's gone" 100% applies!.

    I asked him why and he said things like he didn't see him growing old with me and everything comes to an end so better be now. I could not convince him other wise. I don't think I believe this is what he wants though as he was in tears and before I left told me he loves me and my son very much and would still do anything for me!

    I honestly believe that he didn't want to break up but feels that I wasn't interested enough and we also have 10 years of an age gap so he maybe thinks I don't want to be serious where as I could not want anything more than to be serious with him.

    I am literally the luckiest girl in the world to have had him in my life. I have messed up ridiculously and want to prove I can make this work and put everything into this.

    I haven't spoken to him since last Tuesday and my plan is to give him some space u til this week and try to message him to see if he would meet me for a coffee.

    I am so stupid for not realising sooner but I'm so scared to even contact him incase he says no. I want to do right by him like I should have the whole time and show him we don't have to end.

    Does anyone have any advise?

    Thank you

    Charlotte X
     
  2. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    No one at all? Pleaseeee :( x
     
  3. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    Just do it when you feel it's right to contact him, maybe he's up for it maybe he's not. And if he isn't try to let it go and move on so you can open yourself up to someone even better!
     
  4. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

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    I'd say if that is how you feel then you really need to show him. If he's said he will still do anything for you then he obviously isn't cutting all contact, so perhaps try and do some of the things you feel you should have been doing in the relationship, to show him you've learnt and how it can be? xx
     
  5. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much for your reply im hurting so bad. My last break up with my ex was so messy and I didn't want to get in a new relationship so quickly but he chased me and I really fell for him, but I didn't do anywhere near enough for him.

    On the one hand I think he was so adment that we won't work so I don't think I'll change his mind, on the other hand I think, you wouldn't cry while breaking up and you wouldn't say you would do anything for me still and you love us bother lots if you wanted to break up.

    My family are so shocked coz even they say that at one point he would have chewed his arm off for me.

    I text him this morning after 5days of no contact and he replied straight away. Just normal chat like how are you etc. He's a car sales man and literally just got me a car the week before he broke up with me... Do I need to give him some forms so I suggested I bring them in to him ... His reply was "you can mail them to me if you want" I'm not sure if that means he doesn't want to see me or is for my benefit.

    I just don't know where to go from here... I don't want to push him to early and distort any hope but I'm desperate to see him.

    He literally introduced me to his best friends 2 days before we broke up. It's all so confusing. I think he still wants to be with me but said that "everything comes to an end so it's better now"

    I'm not sure if I'm just hoping that he still wants us or if he really does!

    Would you wait for a while before asking to meet up etc?

    Thank you so much.

    C X
     
  6. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

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    In my experience it's best not to think too much into things, because then you can get into playing some kind of game. He sounds like he has been open with you in the relationship and laid his heart on the line so perhaps this is your turn to do the same! His comment sounded more like he's not expecting you to want to make the effort to me, so this may be your first opportunity to show that is exactly what you want to do, show him you're willing to make your effort xx
     
  7. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much for your reply im hurting so bad. My last break up with my ex was so messy and I didn't want to get in a new relationship so quickly but he chased me and I really fell for him, but I didn't do anywhere near enough for him.

    On the one hand I think he was so adment that we won't work so I don't think I'll change his mind, on the other hand I think, you wouldn't cry while breaking up and you wouldn't say you would do anything for me still and you love us bother lots if you wanted to break up.

    My family are so shocked coz even they say that at one point he would have chewed his arm off for me.

    I text him this morning after 5days of no contact and he replied straight away. Just normal chat like how are you etc. He's a car sales man and literally just got me a car the week before he broke up with me... Do I need to give him some forms so I suggested I bring them in to him ... His reply was "you can mail them to me if you want" I'm not sure if that means he doesn't want to see me or is for my benefit.

    I just don't know where to go from here... I don't want to push him to early and distort any hope but I'm desperate to see him.

    He literally introduced me to his best friends 2 days before we broke up. It's all so confusing. I think he still wants to be with me but said that "everything comes to an end so it's better now"

    I'm not sure if I'm just hoping that he still wants us or if he really does!

    Would you wait for a while before asking to meet up etc?

    Thank you so much.

    C X
     
  8. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    How do I do that tho? Like if we aren't talking much. He just brought up the convo how is my son coping with the break up and I replied I haven't spoken to him about it because I am not dealing with it well. And he replied "sorry I don't have anything I can say"

    I don't get this :( he was madly in love with me weeks ago!

    C X
     
  9. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

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    I'd take the opportunity to meet up to give him the car papers, these things are much better done in person xx
     
  10. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    I guess that's the best thing to do... He said that he's coping ok to be honest which hurt badly. But I'm not 100% sure he means it. I have this feel that he's trying to put me off him.

    I said I'm just trying to do right by everybody and he said this is the right thing... Which to me says he doesn't Actually want it but for some reason or other things it's the best thing for us.

    He just kept repeating everything comes to an end. Do you think he's scared? He's 34 and hasn't had many serious relationships in my sure if he's just scared or if it's because I didn't show him how much I cared or if he really just doesn't want me anymore which I'm finding crazy to even think because he chased me for months at the beginning of our relationship and during it would have done anything for me in the world so why else would you change like this :(

    Do you think I'm still in with a chance? Or need to give up? X
     
  11. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Had there been an argument which precipitated the break up or was everything seemingly normal before? Everything comes to an end so its better now does not sit right for a usual break up, it almost feels as if he is ill or something and does not want to worry you with it. It seems a strange thing to say.

    All I can say is be open and honest with him- if he wont meet could you write him a letter or send an email with everything that you want to say? Let him know that you feel you didnt treat him as well as you should have and want to work towards making amends for that
     
  12. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    There hadn't been any major arguments. We had a few silly ones that were never resolved and he gave the impression that everything just snowballed and this is the result.

    I agree sparkle girl. I go over and over this in my head and I start thinking Charlotte hear serious he isn't interessted then I go over it again and then think... He was madly in love with me. 2 days before we broke up he took me to meet his friends for an evening and they all seems to really like me. 1 week ago he sold me my car and took all his commission off to get me such a good deal. When I was at the car dealership he was cuddling me saying he missed me and not to be to rude 2 days before we broke up he was all over me.

    His whole reason for everything is that we're different and won't work in the future so says its best to do this now rather than later. I stopped messaging him back today coz he told me that he misses my son but is ok apart from that.

    It's almost as if he wants me to hate him so I leave it.

    I kno that I have been a terrible girlfriend. I tried to tell him all that when I saw him the night he broke up with me but he was not going to budge. When I left he was in tears and kissed me and said he loves us both very much. But if you love someone why break up with them and why push me away?

    He clearly isn't going to give me a chance to show him I can be different, he said he doesn't want me to change where as I am trying to tell him I don't want to change... I want to be the person I really am with him because I know if would work then.

    My idea is.. That if he doesn't message me before I take the car papers in I was going to create a big box with some memory's of the past 6 months together. Some drawings from my son. And a little present for every occasion that I just didn't do enough for and give it to him.

    I don't want to appear like a fool but I want to show him I can be what he deserves.

    I should mention at the beginning he chased me for months and when I finally agreed to be in a relationship with him he freaked out and was like aw I'm not sure blah blah do you think since he's 34 and still not married or got kids the reason is he's scared of being hurt?

    I don't want to give my self false hope but I want to fight for him and I want him to see that.

    Do you have any other ideas of gestures I can do/ make to show him with out appearing like a crazy ex or stalker lol. I just want him to know I love him and show I can be what he wanted me to be.

    C X

    P.s I appreciate so much your help. Just talking makes it more bareable
     
  13. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    I think the only thing you can do is write a letter to him and take it in with the car documents. He might see the gifts or drawings as emotional blackmail and not be open to it. Its so hard to find the balance between not giving yourself false hope and not doing the best you can to get the relationship back. He could be worried about opening himself up to someone if he feels might not be as serious as he is?
     
  14. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    I guess you could be right. I just don't want to push to hard but want to push enough to show him what he means to me I spent hours righting a letter there which I plan to give him on Friday hopefully. I'm not sure it's good enough coz it's everything I told him on the evening we broke up except I was crying my eyes out and he maybe wasn't fully taking it in. I guess if this doesn't help then nothing will but I just don't believe that he can stop loving me like that. No 1 has ever loved me like he ask... There must be something more to it than that. I want to get really serious with him and I told him all this in the letter. I feel silly coz he seems so against anything ever happening with us but phrases like "this is the right thing" and "everything comes to an end" "I wiould still do anything for you" " I love you bother lots" and just the fact he was all over me two days before and the other millions of things he used to do for me just doesn't add up so I don't want to give up incase there just something stopping him from opening up to me. C X
     
  15. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

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    I think the box sounds like a lovely idea and it is putting our words into action, but only you know how open and responsive he will be to it. I think maybe a big gesture like that and then the ball is in his court and you'll need to find the strength to leave him to his final decision xx
     
  16. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    How long have you been together was it 6 months? I agree it would be a shame to let him go without fighting for him. Did you live together at the time? All I can think is to write the letter and if there is a personal thing you could do for him like a gesture that would have a very personal or emotional meaning?
     
  17. Wilson28

    Wilson28 Well-Known Member

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    I think you need to arrange a date, get dressed up and have fun, just tell him to be ready for a certain time, you need to show him your going to fight for this x
     
  18. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    We were together 6 months. We didn't live together but I would have defo moved in with him. I thought I could put a nice photo in of me my son and him coz he used to always say to get some printed or is that stupid?

    Wilson do you have any suggestions how I get him to go on a date with me?

    I am pretty happy coz he text me today but only coz he had too :(

    My tummy is constantly in knots! How do I fight for someone that won't give you the opertunity to even tho you doubt this is what he really wants?

    X
     
  19. Wilson28

    Wilson28 Well-Known Member

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    Ask him if he will have a fun date with you, no strings attatched and see if you can show him the fun side again x
     
  20. Mummy to one

    Mummy to one Well-Known Member

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    Hey ladies,

    I'm having a freak out again. I've been kinda calm the last few days but the fact I know I'm seeing him on Friday I scaring me. I'm scared because -

    - he was so determined that were over and I doubt he will change his mind since I haven't been able to so far
    - how emotional I'm going to get again
    - losing him for ever after Friday if it doesn't work

    I literally can't eat and when I do am just sick coz I can't keep it down :(

    My friend made a valid point today that if I wasn't as into the relationship at the time and I'm devestated he must be devestated too since he was so in love with me so I guess unless he's managed to put me out his mind in two weeks and doesn't care about me no more or he's lying and somethings stopping him being with me. My only guess is coz I was such a terrible girlfriend.

    Surely someone who only 2 weeks ago would practically cut there arm off you doesn't just change like that so quickly. I'm so scaredddd! I feel like after Friday if he won't give me a chance that my chances over :(

    My son has made some Easter cards for him etc and I wrote a letter and got the wee presents that mean stuff to us like I said but I'm so scared he rejects then it goes home and then texts me tell me to back off :(

    I'm so stressed out and scared! I really need some luck!

    Please ladies any last words of wisdom before Friday?

    C x
     

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