Unbelievably cruel 2 year old..

[charlene09]

I know this is probably out of order to say about my own child.. But I have never came across a child so cruel ever!

He throws things at me, hits me, scratches me, bites me. Hurts cabhan on a daily basis and it is really starting to depress me.

I have tried my hardest with him I really have but he is like a human monster, he breaks everything of cabhans out of jealousy, broke his baby bouncer by tearing the fabric, broke his swing he's even torn his clothes that he's pulled out of his wardrobe.

He smacks him, wacks him with the metal frame out of the baby bouncer til he screams (when we're not looking)
AJ has a speech problem and is partially death in his left ear but surely this is not normal behaviour, I go to bed at night wanting to cry because obviously I'm doing something wrong.
I really don't know what to do with him, I've spoke to my health visitor and told her about his behaviour and her reply was "its normal" surely it can't be normal.

I've tried the naughty step, time out in his bedroom, taking his toys off him, but nothing seems to work I'm at breaking point :'(

 

[tiaflame]

Aww Hun, sorry to hear this. I'm not sure what to say as I've no experience of this. Does he wear a hearing aid? I ask because my niece was partially deaf and they thought she was being really naughty but it came out that she was frustrated because she couldn't hear properly. Had hearing aids fitted and was a different child. Xx


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[Titch85]

What are his communication skills like? You say he has a speech problem, but it really sounds to me like he's frustrated because he can't express his feelings or needs in any other way. Do you have any support from a speech therapist, and are they doing anything about his loss of hearing?

 

[wifeywifey]

Hun I have an almost two year old who is mischievous (we are going through terrible twos) but that's not normal you might consider going to gp because that seems like lots of anger and frustration for such a young child my guess is it's hearing related. X hope you figure it out soon hun

 

[MrsR]

It sounds as though he is frustrated. This may be due to his speech delay. Do you get much one to one time with him? I actually don't believe the naughty corner/step/chair is beneficial but I know some parents swear by it. My son will push his older sister out of frustration (usually because she's invading his personal space) and I will firmly tell him no and explain why he isn't allowed to push her. My son has a good grasp of emotions (will tell me when he's sad or happy for example) so I say 'we don't push people because it makes them very sad. Instead we say 'excuse me' or 'no'' this has worked immensely well for us. I do think it is a stage most toddlers go through but I suspect in your case he is frustrated and jealous by this new baby who has taken over his mummy and his toys (in his view).
I was given this link http://www.pennywassman.ca/overview.html about non-violent communication.

 

[charlene09]

He hasn't had his hearing aids fitted as of yet, he is due a hearing review next month so I'm hoping something is done then.

I do give AJ a lot of one to one time as it tends to calm him down, but when it comes to the point I am not allowed to give cabhan any one to one time because of AJs reaction that's just not fair.

He can't communicate well with us because he doesn't know how to speak properly, he will say mommah poppah and cav Cav and that's really about it, I've tried my damn hardest with him but it's starting to emotionally destroy me now, it surely isn't normal that a 2 year old makes there mother flinch when they come near her, because currently that's how it is.

I just wish someone would listen and realise his behaviour is NOT normal

 

[MrsR]

Sorry, these might be more useful:
http://attachmentparentinguk.wordpress.com/2012/11/14/positive-discipline-resources/
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/discipline
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/articles

 

[MrsR]

He hasn't had his hearing aids fitted as of yet, he is due a hearing review next month so I'm hoping something is done then.

I do give AJ a lot of one to one time as it tends to calm him down, but when it comes to the point I am not allowed to give cabhan any one to one time because of AJs reaction that's just not fair.

He can't communicate well with us because he doesn't know how to speak properly, he will say mommah poppah and cav Cav and that's really about it, I've tried my damn hardest with him but it's starting to emotionally destroy me now, it surely isn't normal that a 2 year old makes there mother flinch when they come near her, because currently that's how it is.

I just wish someone would listen and realise his behaviour is NOT normal

Have you tried any signing with him?
Does your OH spend one to one time with him as well? That way you can spend time with C?
How old is C sorry, I can't see tickers. Could you set up an activity like cornflour gloop to explore together with both children?
He may not be able to communicate verbally well but how is his understanding? Does he seem to understand you when you communicate with him?

 

[charlene09]

He hasn't had his hearing aids fitted as of yet, he is due a hearing review next month so I'm hoping something is done then.

I do give AJ a lot of one to one time as it tends to calm him down, but when it comes to the point I am not allowed to give cabhan any one to one time because of AJs reaction that's just not fair.

He can't communicate well with us because he doesn't know how to speak properly, he will say mommah poppah and cav Cav and that's really about it, I've tried my damn hardest with him but it's starting to emotionally destroy me now, it surely isn't normal that a 2 year old makes there mother flinch when they come near her, because currently that's how it is.

I just wish someone would listen and realise his behaviour is NOT normal

Have you tried any signing with him?
Does your OH spend one to one time with him as well? That way you can spend time with C?
How old is C sorry, I can't see tickers. Could you set up an activity like cornflour gloop to explore together with both children?
He may not be able to communicate verbally well but how is his understanding? Does he seem to understand you when you communicate with him?

Yes, both me and his dad sing with him all the time.
OH has lots of one to one time with him.
Cabhan is now 5 months, also, no I haven't tried the cornflower gloop as cabhan can't sit up or anything yet, he is quite behind, currently with a paediatrician.
AJs understanding is very good, but most of the time takes no notice of what we say to him

 

[MrsR]

I meant signing as in baby signing, not singing (though singing is good too)
You could hold C on your knee whilst doing the gloop?
I'm sure tiny is a speech therapist! She might be able to suggest some other things to try!
I know when I worked with a little boy with speech delay at a nursery we used picture charts so he could point to what he wanted/how he was feeling etc.

 

[LYLLJellyTots]

Heya hun x I do think a lot of his behaviour may be to do with frustration at not being able to express himself properly x I think they should be helping you as a parent to help him as a child to find other ways to tell you his needs, maybe makaton ( baby / toddler signs) and simplified signs etc x maybe if you could understand why he's frustrated it would ease the situation a little x it must be so difficult to be in that situation hun and especially frustrating as you are trying to protect LO but I don't think he's doing it on purpose if that makes sense x yes children have sibling rivalry but this sounds much more than that and you should be getting much more support from them xxx big hugs hun I hope someone on here can help more xxxx

 

[meggymum]

oh hun im sorry you feel like you have failed but believe me you haven't. My LO is a year and a half and is starting to get mischievous to see what he can get away with, but nothing like this, although his hearing is normal. hang in there and do try to get a hearing aid for him, im sure this will help loads as he probably feels a bit cut off from the family.

xxx

 

[titch]

I meant signing as in baby signing, not singing (though singing is good too)
You could hold C on your knee whilst doing the gloop?
I'm sure tiny is a speech therapist! She might be able to suggest some other things to try!
I know when I worked with a little boy with speech delay at a nursery we used picture charts so he could point to what he wanted/how he was feeling etc.

Hiya, yes I am a speech and language therapist. My specialism is AAC, which is basically any way of communicating that isn't speech, it can range from signing, to picture charts, to computerised aids like stephen hawkin has.

The first thing to say is that, for a 2 year old with such limited expression, (3 words is that right?) This behaviour is normal, I've seen it time and time again. Do you have a speech therapist. You need to get your health visitor to refer him asap as waiting lists can be long on the NHS, the funding is being cut and the numbers of kids with issues is increasing.

If you came to see me for therapy, the first thing I would do, would be to help your son and you find away to communicate despite his difficulties with speech. Now I say both of you because, although he may behave as though he understands a lot of what you say, it is very likely that his ability to follow sentences, especially if they are long sentences, is also behind. This is not linked to intelligence, although its sometimes called 'understanding of language' it refers to how the sound is processed from the ear to the brain converting it into meaning. Its a complex process. So the way you speak to him needs to be adapted, I casnt tell you exactly what his level is without assessing him, but in broad terms, the shorter and simpler a sentence the better. So instead of saying "no you mustnt hit the baby that will hurt him very much, that's not kind, don't..." Try "NO. (With a sign) no hitting" and remove him from the situation.

As for finding a way for him to communicate your options are either learning some makaton signs, pointing to picture charts or using a system called PECS where he hands you a card. I could go on for paragraphs and paragraphs about all these options. I wouldn't recommend PECS without and experienced professional supporting you. Signing you can pick up on your own but it can be slower for the child to start signing back. Picture charts work well in certain situations, like you can have one on the fridge with pictures of the drinks/snacks he might want to ask for. You can encourage him to point to a picture and then you say "I want juice" or whatever he's pointing to. Some kids I move on to using an "I want" picture so they have to point to that and then what they want so they're making a sentence.

All these things do not stop them talking, they actually often work to stimulate their communication skills and the speech often flows with it, often because they relax and the pressures off, they have a safety net and they are understood.

Like any 2 year old he's probably craving a lot of attention, so teaching him a sign like, "I want a cuddle" (just sign "cuddle" as if you're cuddling yourself) gives him a positive way of getting attention from you.

I've gone on forever, feel free to pick my brains, but I really suggest you see a speech therapist asap. If you want to consider private therapists they can usually see yo within a week all registered therapists are on the 'help with talking' website. Google asltip help with talking and you'll find it. X

 

[JJ Mum]

Just wanted to wish you luck and do stress your issues at the hearing review, never be scared to ask for them or hv for help hun so you can work through this stage XX

 

[babyem]

Just wanted to wish you luck and do stress your issues at the hearing review, never be scared to ask for them or hv for help hun so you can work through this stage XX

Wss hun xx

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