Took me 4 years to conceive - here to offer advice to others

[minikins]

I have had four hard years of trying to conceive using various methods, reading various books and trying just about everything. While being poked and prodded by doctors to find out what was wrong with me and my hubby.

Well the tests and investigation ops came up with nothing, somehow that made it worse as we had no reason.

We were due to start IVF this year when bang November just gone I fell pregnant, it just happened.

I would like to offer help and support on feelings and anything else related if I can make you feel better about problems and delays in conceiving.

x

 

[margaret]

Thanks for this Minikins! It is great to hear from someone who so totally understands the mental agony that goes along with long-term TTC. It's been exactly two years for me and my husband and I have some hope now that perhaps some time this will actually happen for us.

How old are you?

 

[moonpiesb]

Thanks so much Minikins!!!! Your word have given me (and others I am sure) hope that our time will come.


BABY DUST TO US ALL!!!!!!!!!

 

[minikins]

Hello again,

I am 30 (conceived a few weeks before my 30th birthday).

The last four years, or should I say three as i think you should give yourself some time to conceive without thinking about it (in an ideal world ) have been so hard. There is not a day that does not go past when you think about it, or see other people with kids and get upset/angry and then guilty about feeling those feelings.

It is the hardest thing I have had to go through, as I said before i had no answers, so there was no reason for this to be happening to me. It is strange because when i was 16 I always knew it would not be straight forward for me to get pregnant.

As time goes on you get lots of views from people with hints and tips and you feel more and more down (the clock is ticking etc etc). It also can put a dampener on your sex life. Well it did for me and my husband, everytime we had sex it was pretty much planned around ovulation and during sex I would be thinking 'will this be the one' instead of 'man this is good fun'.

I think it's good if you start trying to give yourself a bit of time as I have read in various medical journals that it can take on average six months to conceive and also the window you are aiming for (ovulation etc) is a very small period of time, it's hard to tell exactly when it's going to happen (even with ovulation sticks) and you don't necessarily ovulate every month - this is normal.

I will keep adding my experience of the last four years (and now if you like, although when I was trying the last thing I wanted to do was chat with someone who was pregnant as they had achieved their goal etc).

I can't offer any solutions, but I can hopefully make you feel more relaxed and normal and point you in the right direction if you have any medical questions etc.

Hugs,

Lex

 

[Lindsay]

Hello Minikins

Thankyou so much for your message. DH and I have been ttc for a year now and I get so down about it. It is lovely to hear such a happy ending for you - it really does fill me with hope that one day that will be me. I was planning to visit my GP as I am beginning to worry that there may be a serious reason why it's not happening for me.

I am really pleased for you and your DH, you deserve it.
Xxx

 

[minikins]

Thanks Lindsay!

Now is a good time for a chat with your GP, before a year is probably too early and then you worry more, but after a year of trying that is a good time to get the ball rolling as it can me a long journey, but worth it of course

Let me know how you get on.

 

[Trudi-Anne]

Hi. My last AF was 4th May. I O between 18-23rd May, I had a bleed on the 27-28th May (brown/pink blood with slight cramps) My cycle is irregular (as i was on the injection contraception for 10yrs and stopped on 3rd Feb 2003 when i got married) and can last up to 36 days & sometimes i can go up to 3 months with no bleed. My AF was due on 6th June. I feel different IE tired all the time, no sore boobs, but have a lot of blue veins over my chest & boobs with two little veins over each of my nipples which i haven't had before. I've got a faint dark line from my navel to my pubic hair which seems odd. For the last 3 days I've had strange cramps in my abdomen. I've done 4 HPT & 2 from GP all came back -. I'm having lots of creamy/white/sticky lotion discharge for the past 3 wk & my cervix is high and feels like the tip of your nose. Today i noticed i had white/sticky/EWCM discharge. Could i be pregnant or is this wishful thinking as I've been trying for 2 1/2 yrs now. Doctors has referred me and DH to an fertility clinic. DH has had a sperm count back in 1995 and now he has to go & have another one. He drinks quite alot so would his sperm count change as it was fine back then.

 

[Davinia]

Hi all,
Wow!!! CONGRATULATIONS its lovely to hear such good news, there is hope for us all........
My DH & I have been ttc for 3 yrs, we have been together for 10 yrs now, married for 3. We decided to do things the so called "right way of doing things" meet, fall in love, move in together and get married (although not sure if that bit is the right way round!!) then start having kids. After 1 yr of ttc & no success we went to see our GP who did all the investigations on me, blood tests scan etc, when they came back ok I was then referred to my local gynae who then sent me for a hystersalpingogram (where dye is inserted and x-ray is used to see if your tubes are blocked) my right tube is partially blocked but the dye went through so ok not a problem. Anyway drs suggested after nearly 18months of ttc we should try the drug clomid, after 6 months - no luck and I was having side effects of flashing lights in my eyes so I discontinued use.
In the mean time DH did 3 sperm tests, results just below average, but drs said not a major problem give it a while and see how we get on. I'm 26 and Hubby 32 so we thought well we are both still quite young leave it a few more months... stress building up we decided to go back to our GP DH was then referred to a specialist and he was then asked to do another sample.... this time much much lower...
After 3 yrs of ttc with no success and beleive me we have tried everything, we were all for giving up hope of ever having our own child naturally.....
Hubbys consultant has reccommended ICSI as our way to go, our Gp informed us that funding on the nhs had just become available in our area we are entitled to 1 free go so we are now waiting to hear from our fertility centre...... depending on the waiting list (we may even decide to go private)... I just could not bear the thought of having to wait many months or years on a waiting list, however I feel we are now 1 step closer.
Good luck to all you guys out there, don't give up keep trying.
Lots of babydust to you all.xx********************

 

[s]

Davina,
I was so touched by your story. You have to hang in there. If I've learned anything on this website it's that motherhood happens when you least expect it. How about taking a month off and just having sex when you and your husband fancy it. Don't expect to get pregnant this month - expect not to get pregnant - and see what happens.
Don't give up. You and your husband have been through a lot. Give it a little bit more time. Is your hubby eating bananas? Is he on magnesium and zinc / Sorry for asking dumb questions but I've read that this helps.
S

 

[s]

Minikins,
Your story is an inspiration. I got my AF yesterday and feel quite blue about it. For some reason I feel a failure everytime it arrives even though I know this is stupid. Any words of wisdom or is it just luck?
S

 

[Davinia]

S

Many thanks for your kind words, I completely agree it will happen when you least expect it to, there is so much pressure to make sure you do it at the right time etc etc.. at first I was so consumed by becoming a mummy it took over my life, then I just thought oh sod it, if it's meant to be it's meant to be, but since the ICSI business it's completely taken over my life again, not being helped by the fact my sister is about to drop any day now......
DH loves bananas, he's tried just about every pill going, organic foods korean ginseng etc etc (you name it, he's tried it).

I too feel a failure every time my AF comes along, but you know it is a bit of luck and perseverance, I don't think it will matter what anyone tells you it does'nt make a difference as to how you feel each month, confusing tender boobies, feeling tired, slight tummy ache being a day late etc etc with pregnancy symptoms, but I will say it definitely helps knowing that you're not the only one out there feeling this way and web sites like this helps too, with all the kind words and advice.....

Good luck to you, theres always this month and plenty of fun practising!!!

Loads and Loads of babydust to you*************************

Davinia.xx

 

[minikins]

Minikins,
Your story is an inspiration. I got my AF yesterday and feel quite blue about it. For some reason I feel a failure everytime it arrives even though I know this is stupid. Any words of wisdom or is it just luck?
S

Every time I got my AF I felt really down and it took me a few days to pic myself up, it felt like I was having a miscarriage so I felt great loss and disappointment as I am sure you do.

Words of wisdom, that's a tough one as TTC is such a personal thing and hard to come to terms with. I remember people used to offer their advice to me (not ever finding it hard to conceive) and their advice used to drive me mad so in the end I never spoke of it, except to my DH.

I would just say no matter what the TTC situation, there are always options available and hope, the options may not be ideal but in this country we do have a good support structure to help us. I would say relax as well, but that is not a piece of advice i took on board, everyone told me to relax but as each month went on the more uptight I got!! Having a supportive OH is a must!! And try not to be too hard on yourself, this is not your fault, sometimes sh1t happens and we just have to deal with it. So i suppose luck does play a part.

Trudi-Ann - some of your symptoms do sound positive, but try and keep the level head, just incase. What did your pg tests come back with?

 

[Trudi-Anne]

All my tests including GP's have come back neg, I'm doing one next wk on one on the 11th July then I'm going to give up as it's costing me a fortune and it's breaking my heart not knowing. Cant wait for AF to start so i can try again.

 

[minikins]

Yep the old tests business can be expensive, if the docs tests have turned up neg (they are pretty much the same as shop tests but without the posh covers on them) save up your money for a treat instead of spending dosh on more tests.

Sorry they are neg, but like you say a new month is round the corner

 

[Viper]

Hi Minikins,

Your story is brilliant My DH and I have been TTC for 2 and a half years now. We are currently on the NHS waiting list for IVF and have been told that this could take up to two years. It's now almost a year of waiting. The only problem that I now find is that I feel completely abandonded by the doctors. We were told 'you're on the list' - then that's it. . . I know its a waiting game and lots of other people are waiting for their special moment too but it can be so frustrating. Another problem that I face is that I'll be 37 in a few days and I think that the long wait is seriously damaging my chances of being a first time mum. Each year that goes by lessens my chances of TTC dramatically.

Like you, my DH and I have been told that we're both fine and we're just unlucky. I feel (like you) that this seems worse somehow. At least if we had a problem then we could actually do something to sort it out. We've stopped trying to have sex at special times and just decided to enjoy yourselves. I guess that if its meant to happen then it will do. (I hope).

I do think that your story is a great inspiration to all those who are in the same predicament, so thanks for posting it on here. Let us know on the TTC forum how it all turns out for you and good luck for the birth.

 

[minikins]

Bless, Viper, you just made me cry - but in a nice way. There is hope for all TTC'ers - nothing is final and there is always a chance or a way, but it's so hard, can't lie on that.

Like you said not knowing drives you mad and makes you question everything and you can't fix anything as you don't know what to fix!! AHHH !

My doc(s) was pretty hopeless too, it was me and my DH that had to drive the whole process and you do feel you are on your own.

Am glad you are enjoying your time in the sac, I wish i did more when TTC (it may of happened quicker then), but it was just like a function and did my head in. Now though (even with a big bump) sex is great as it's whenever and I don't have to think about it.

You WILL get there!! xxx Will keep you posted on my progress

 

[Viper]

Minikins, I had to let you know that today I got a letter from my local fertility centre asking us to go for an appointment to get 'the ball rolling' so to speak. I'm thrilled as I thought we wouldn't get an appointment for at least another year but I'm terrified too.

I just thought I'd let you know.

PS - thanks for your support. It's definately needed at times.

 

[minikins]

That's good news, you are on their paperwork so now part of an ongoing process, which sadly can take time, but at least you are registered now. The questionnaires you and your OH may have to fill in later are huge!!!

Keep me posted

 

[sammy]

I too am goign through the same problem as yourself- I just can't fall pregnant.
I had an eating disorder when I was much younger and I fear that this is the cause. It concerns me that I'm infertile.
I'm about to go and get all the checks that are necessary. I'm quite worried.

 

[kellysomer]

Hello Viper,

I loved this post from the start it is so inspiring.

I thought id let you know how i got on with my first fertility clinic appointment last week. First of all a nice nurse took my weight (i did close my eyes but she said it anyway and it wasnt half as bad as i thought!) and height. Then we waited for the doctor, your app cant be more embassasing than mine as i got put next to a very heavily PG lady and i started crying in the waiting room, it was just all too much to have my nose rubbed in it. With the doc he asked loads of funny questions like 'are you using condoms still?' uh hello of course not, duh! but funnily when we both laughed he said 1 in 10 couples he has referred still are using contraception! Then he did a smear and internal on me (not very nice but all in aid of a good cause!) and poked my belly a bit. Then more of the marathon of questions, some very very personal like 'do you orgasm, which way do you make love? We just laughed as luckily we're very open about that kind of thing. Then i got booked in for an ultrasound (which is tommorow) and 3 blood tests on days 1, 14, and 21 of my cycle, and our next appointment is 28th which i think is really quick!!! Also DF has to do his 'thing' in a pot, which when he loked shocked the doctor said i could go in and i quote 'asisst'! How very funny!

I am really pleased that they are taking us seriously after 16 months of TTC. I am 23 and DH is 30 so i did think they mught say we were too young.

We have since decided that we are happy to take drugs etc but are not ready for IVF or that sort of thing, i think we'll let nature take us along for a bit yet until perhaps IVF is the only option later on.

Hopefully clomid or something will be on the menu first.

Big (((((hug)))))) we're all in the same boat honey!

PS I'll email tommorrow after the ultrasound to let you know how i got on. I had a dream the other night that when they did the ultrasound to check my ovaries and uterus they said they couldnt see as there was a little baby in the way. I can only hope......