Think OH is jealous of BF

[GF91]

Growing up I've always had the same best friend. We did everything together. School, hobbies, we lived together, worked together, boyfriends we had where friends- we where more like sisters than friends. About 5 years ago we fell out over something so trivial- we kinda hashed it out but contact died between us, but even still I wouldn't have a bad word said about her. She recently got back in contact with me & it's like we've never been apart. We speak everyday- see each other when she's off work (I work from home so I'm around abit more than she is) my daughter loves her, despite only meeting her a handful of times! Everytime she see's her my daughter calls out to her and runs over for my friend to pick her up and then smothers her in kisses! She's introduced me back into hobbies that over the years I've lost! I feel abit more like me again- but I can't help but think OH is jealous? He didn't really want me to get back in to contact with her, & he's started commenting on how much we talk/time we spend together. I'd planned to go and help her out his afternoon while little one is at nursery but he wanted me to go and see him at work & now has the raging hump because I won't cancel my plans for him. My friend is also going away this weekend & has asked me to check in on the animals (her partner is a farmer) once a day & OH doesn't like that either?

I'm not sure if it's a jealousy or a control thing? OH doesn't want to do things with me anyway. When he gets home from work I take he dogs out, he spends time withLG & then when she goes to bed we barely say to words to each other. I've tried but he's just not really interested. This has been going on for ages- long before my friend came back on the scene!

 

[El1en]

it does sound like he's jealous of the time and effort that you're putting in with your friend but it also sounds like he's in need of some more attention. do you guys ever have date night's or do much together? how do you know he doesn't want to do things with you? has he told you that?

if that's the case then he needs to get over the fact you've got someone else to spend time with but if not maybe you and your husband need to put some effort in with each other to

 

[GF91]

it does sound like he's jealous of the time and effort that you're putting in with your friend but it also sounds like he's in need of some more attention. do you guys ever have date night's or do much together? how do you know he doesn't want to do things with you? has he told you that?

if that's the case then he needs to get over the fact you've got someone else to spend time with but if not maybe you and your husband need to put some effort in with each other to

He won't do anything with me. I've asked him to go on date nights or go is just me & him and he flat out refuses. We don't do anything together. We aren't intimate at all- & I mean at all. It's not for lack of trying on my part- but there's only so many times you can be rejected before you just don't bother anymore. I've tried to talk to him about it but he just brushes it off. I tried to initiate something with him the other week and he literally sighed at me and kept watching the tele over my shoulder. Talk about mood killer.

 

[El1en]

wow that would break my heart. in that case I'd just say "if you want to go on a date night with me yoynonly have to say. my friend wants to do things and I don't want to be stuck in the house".

 

[GF91]

wow that would break my heart. in that case I'd just say "if you want to go on a date night with me yoynonly have to say. my friend wants to do things and I don't want to be stuck in the house".

It does break my heart. But I can't do anything about it. I think that's part of the problem. He's so used to me being at home & not really doing a lot that he can't cope/doesn't like this xx

 

[Sparklegirl]

Men can be insensitive and not think that their actions are hurtful even when we think its glaringly obvious. I wonder if you could either write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel or even show him this thread? I think he needs to know in no uncertain terms as he would be unhappy at the idea he was causing you pain

 

[El1en]

I'm sorry I accident my sent my last post before I meant to I didn't mean to sound so short. get out and enjoy yourself. maybe occasionally say something like "do you fancy doing x on Saturday? if you don't want to do anything I'm going to go out and see (friend)"

 

[GF91]

Men can be insensitive and not think that their actions are hurtful even when we think its glaringly obvious. I wonder if you could either write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel or even show him this thread? I think he needs to know in no uncertain terms as he would be unhappy at the idea he was causing you pain

I'm sorry I accident my sent my last post before I meant to I didn't mean to sound so short. get out and enjoy yourself. maybe occasionally say something like "do you fancy doing x on Saturday? if you don't want to do anything I'm going to go out and see (friend)"

LG is going to my parents tonight so I asked him again if he wanted to do something & have left it to him to decide. I've got to pop out later to check the animals so I'll ask him if he wants to come with me. I don't understand why he's so difficult! He has a best friend hat we all joke about he's having a bromance with, but it doesn't bother me at all. It's not as if I'm doing anything wrong or anything for him to be jealous of! Just going to do my own thing & see what he does!

 

[Sparklegirl]

Would it be an option to have a candlelit dinner just the two of you since LG is away for the night? Cook or takeaway and set the mood and see if you can get him to open up and speak to you about what is going on?

 

[GF91]

Would it be an option to have a candlelit dinner just the two of you since LG is away for the night? Cook or takeaway and set the mood and see if you can get him to open up and speak to you about what is going on?

He phoned me a little while ago & said he's booked a table for dinner tonight. Told him that we need to talk about things as we're meant to be getting married in 3 months- but I won't be marrying him when things are like this xx

 

[Blueclass]

Hi only just read this, must be hard and upsetting if hr don't show you much attention. U would agree about explaining your feelings ect but I'm guessing that happened whilst out for dinner. Did you manage to sort it out?

 

[GF91]

Hi only just read this, must be hard and upsetting if hr don't show you much attention. U would agree about explaining your feelings ect but I'm guessing that happened whilst out for dinner. Did you manage to sort it out?

Hey, thanks for popping in 😊 We did speak at dinner, he said that it's not so much that he's jealous, he's adjusting to me not being around as much- but he likes me doing my own thing & having some space, but says me not being at home or going out when he gets in he found strange- but he is genuinely fine with it. He said that I've almost spoilt him by always being there when he got home, dinner on the table ect... So he's adjusting to doing things for himself again- but he likes it because he feels like he's doing more around the house to help me. He really helped me out when my friend was away- & he actually really enjoyed it. He really enjoyed doing something different & being with the animals- I was really surprised. We talked about how I feel like we're not working as a team & he admitted that until I said it, he hadn't noticed. He does have a temper, so he's going to get help about that. He's not violent with it- but he does fire off quickly & can be quite nasty with words, & sometimes things said in a joking way, he takes seriously. He has been a lot better since we spoke, he seems a lot happier too. He's going out this weekend with some friends & their wives & kids are coming to stay at ours so that'll be fun. He himself has realised that he needs a break too, we're not only together as a couple- but we are business partners as well. I work from home & he goes into work but we have to speak to each other multiple times a day. We don't get a break from each other so he said he was almost jealous of me getting back into the horses & having that space to myself- but has now realised that he's entitled to that too! He works hard- & as a general rule we only get a Sunday together but that doesn't mean he can't go and do his own thing on a Sunday if he wants too!

Fingers crossed that things are on the way up from now!

 

[Blueclass]

That's good that you have sorted it out and I hope it works for you. X