terrified

[ruined_woman]

Hello people. Allow me to introduce myself, My name is cassie and I am married with two kids. I have gotten myself into the worse possible situation...some of you may find It hard but please refrain from hurling your abuse as there is nothing you can say that I have not already said to myself. I have been unhappily married for the past 5 years and recently fell in love with another man to whom I was actually a client of, I joined up with a company that offers courses on how to start an online ebay store and he was the senior client advisor. We began texting and flirting and things became really hot and heavy and then when I flew over to the gold coast to do the 3 day work shop he came to my hotel room and we made love only once as he said it was only a one time thing and he didn't love me and he thought I was crazy for saying I love him coz I had only known him for 10 weeks. I was so hurt, upset and confused that I started to think maybe he was just flirting with me to try and make a sale and maybe hes done this to other women. I was surprised at his behaviour because he is a lot older than me. I am 27 he is 45. I was so hurt and confused that someone I met at workshop who I spoke to said I should report him( to which I regret) because he crossed a line and caught me in a very vulnerable position and now his employers have cut off all communication between us. I am not allowed to speak to him anymore and he is not allowed to speak to me. Now I have recently found out I am pregnant with his child, apart of me is terrified and guilty because of what I have done and apart of me is happy because I have a part of him inside me and I still love him. But the hard thing is how to explain this to my husband and how to tell james because im not allowed to speak to him but I really need his support in this. James is single, never been married, has no kids and dosnt want any kids. I have tried reaching out to him and even contact his boss with this news as I didn't know what else to do. I contacted his boss first out of respect for the company so I was not contacting me but then I txted him coz I didn't hear anything back from his boss, this was about 24 hours ago and still I have not heard anything from either of them. His boss is a nice guy and so is james actually so im just confused as so why I havnt heard back..I know it would not be wise to keep the baby as it ill just cause more problems in my life but I wish james would just reach out to me so I am not making this decision alone as I know its his kid too..your advice and counselling would be much appreciated.

 

[clairem1980]

Didn't want to read and run, and haven't got a lot of time but.... Oh dear!
Sounds to me like you were carried away with the positive attention as things aren't good at home and it went far far too far.
Please don't think me harsh but I'd say James has no interest in a relationship with you so I think the chances he'll be interested in a child with you is slim. You are doing the right thing trying to let him know though.
How is your husband likely to react? Will you be happy if the outcome is you bringing up three children alone?

 

[RhondaLou]

Hi cassie. First of all my mum would say nobody leaves a happy marriage. It seems you were looking for someone to love you as you aren't getting what you need from your husband.

Sadly I have to agree with clairem and say I don't think James wants a relationship with you. He does need to know about the pregnancy and should at least want to help financially. After all he is partly responsible and he could have taken precautions himself if he really didn't want children. Maybe he doesn't believe you and that's why he hasn't contacted you. Or maybe he needs time to digest the information.

I don't know what to say about your husband. It's possible he doesn't realise how unhappy you have been and maybe this news will make him try harder. There is also the possibility that he will leave you though. As harsh as that sounds hun it's the truth unfortunately. Are you prepared to bring up the children alone? Also how will your children react? That could be tricky.

It's a hard situation and unfortunately it's something which only you can do. Please try and forget a relationship with James. I don't think he is right for you. Talk to your husband. I think you should be honest and tell him why you did it and what you want to happen next. It might be an idea to have a place to stay for a night or two to give your husband some space.

Sorry I can't be more help hun. Please let us know how you get on xx

 

[ruined_woman]

Hi guys thank you all for your input. I understand he does not want a relationship with me that Im fine with. if he dosnt believe me then he is going to get a rude shock when I can prove it. I am only 3 weeks pregnant, have symptoms and took a pregnancy test which came up positive, faint line but could still see it. The other possibility they have not contacted me is they are trying to protect the company and don't want any dramas. I can understand if they don't believe me and think im just trying to get attention from james and that's fine if they don't believe me. I will prove it in time. my husband will not react well but some times you need to hurt people in order to break away from your own prison. I think no I know I am strong enough to raise 3 kids on my own. I want this baby so I am trying to prepare myself emotionally for it. xx

 

[Loula]

First of all this guy doesnt want contact it seems.
You hubby will not be best pleased but like you say you may have to hurt him to break free.
I wish you luck in telling him.
Speaking from experience dont be shocked if the fella doesnt want to pay for his child. Can you afford a 3rd a on your own.
I have bought my little girl up on my own her daddy walked out when I was 8 weeks and not seen him since well I have but it was very awkward x

 

[RhondaLou]

Hi guys thank you all for your input. I understand he does not want a relationship with me that Im fine with. if he dosnt believe me then he is going to get a rude shock when I can prove it. I am only 3 weeks pregnant, have symptoms and took a pregnancy test which came up positive, faint line but could still see it. The other possibility they have not contacted me is they are trying to protect the company and don't want any dramas. I can understand if they don't believe me and think im just trying to get attention from james and that's fine if they don't believe me. I will prove it in time. my husband will not react well but some times you need to hurt people in order to break away from your own prison. I think no I know I am strong enough to raise 3 kids on my own. I want this baby so I am trying to prepare myself emotionally for it. xx

You sound like you are a strong woman and you are very aware of your situation and all that it entails. You may be right about the company not wanting any dramas. James surely has to at least acknowledge what you are telling him even if he says he doesn't want to be involved with the child. I hope he is just taking his time to try and get his head round it. I don't know what to say about whether you should try and contact him again or not to be honest. Either way you have a journey ahead of you but I think given time you will be just fine. I sincerely wish you all the best in your future x

 

[ruined_woman]

Hi guys! terrific news! I finally heard from james!. as it turns out they wernt trying to avoid me. They had just had some trouble with this so called friend of mine who was going around spreading rumours that james assaulted me and now im pregnant. James was worried about losing his job over it and I think didn't want to talk to me because he thought I was behind it (which I wasn't) and I think was worried I was going to get hysterical and start abusing him in his ear. But we've sorted all that out now. James took the pregnancy news quite well but im not sure how he really feels..he seemed quite neutral about it and when I told him I will probably get an abortion (just to see what he would say) he didn't really say much..he didn't seem upset about the idea but he didn't seem happy either so im unsure as to how he really feels about it. Hes the kinda guy that dosnt really like expressing his true feelings and he remains neutral a lot of the time about things. I really do want to keep the baby but I know it would not be wise. I really want know how h really feels about. James and I have been talking a bit lately and in all honesty he seems all lovey dovey towards me, like I texted him the other day and he called me up strait away and said he was just thinking about me . I'd love to know what hes really thinking but don't want to put pressure on him and just come strait out and ask. Also, my husband and I have decided to separate, I feel like everything is falling into place. So I don't know, how can you tell what a guy is really thinking?

 

[RhondaLou]

I think it's impossoble to tell exactly what a man is thinking. I know I never understand what Paul is thinking and I'm never sure if he is really excited about this pregnancy or if he is just going along with it and we planned this baby.

The good news is James appears to be supporting you. Ask him outright if he would support you if you kept the baby. If you want it and have an abortion anyway you will regret it and end up resenting James and probably yourself too.

It sounds wierd but I'm glad you and your husband have decided to seperate. Only because you were unhappy and it sounds like it was a mutual decision.

I hope you can decide what to do about the pregnancy soon and hopefully start to move on with things. At least James is being nice and not ignoring you.

Best of luck xx

 

[ruined_woman]

thanks Rhonda! yeah, I got my blood test back from the doctors but it came back negative! so according to that im not pregnant! but it dosnt explain the positive hpt and the symptoms ive been having. Ofcourse I have been getting negative urine tests too. Is it possible that its still too early? the doctor said to test again in a week. I would only be about 3 and a half weeks along if I am. Now im just confused, I always thought that blood tests can pick up a pregnancy from 10 days after conception but my doctor told me that's not always the case. sometimes they cant pick it up much earlier than a urine test.

 

[Lyllian]

How far along do you think you are? If you're getting negative pregnancies tests with urine what made you think youre pregnant hun?

 

[ruined_woman]

I got 1 positive test and then I got negatives. Ive been having all these symptoms..breasts are bigger and itchy, cramping for the last 3 weeks, bloating, cravings, less acne my skin has really cleared, tired and feeling nauseous on and off. its only be around 3 weeks since I had unprotected sex.

 

[Lyllian]

Could have been a chemical hun. Happens with early testing.l unfortunately. Hopefully not.but.would make sense x

 

[ruined_woman]

yeah you are probably right, I been thinking last few days about it being a chemical, Ive had one before. To tell you the truth, I will be a little disappointed if it was even though this pregnancy wasn't planned, fingers crossed! x

 

[ruined_woman]

ok ladies, this is weird..whilst I am aware that I received a negative blood test of less than 2 a few days ago at 3 weeks after having sex, I awoke this morning with my breasts sore and even more itchy, so itchy they're driving me nuts! infact its not just my breasts, my stomach, hands and feet are itchy too! if it was a chemical pregnancy shouldn't the hcg hormone be going down and the symptoms becoming less? or is it possible that my body just dosnt produce enough of it until later? everyones different right?

 

[GF91]

Have you changed your washing powder, moisturiser or shower gel recently? The fact your so itchy may suggest you've got something on your skin that's irritating you.
With regards to the pregnancy- have you missed your period?
It may be too early to tell still- all you can do is wait and see.

 

[ruined_woman]

well that's not the only symptom im having, my breasts are larger too. And ive been feeling tired and sick all afternoon. Have not missed my period yet as I have very long cycles 35 days on average.

 

[GF91]

Your breasts could be to do with period.
What made you think that you are pregnant? The fact that you are having negative pregnancy tests and a negative blood test would suggest that you are not pregnant.
I don't know where on your cycle you are but the only thing you can do is wait to see if you miss your period and then take another test.

 

[Lyllian]

Have you only had one faint positive test then.all negative tests and a negative blood test? Is it.possible.it was an evaporation line? You're very early.to be having any symptoms.if.you only had sex three weeks ago but everyone's different. I'd say it was unlikely that you are/were pregnant on one faint positive followed by negative tests and bloods but.fingers crossed i'm wrong. Did you tell the guys boss and him you were pregnant after only the one faint positive test or did you have more than one positive before you told Them? When is your period due? Agree with Gf about waiting until you miss your period then test again, you'll get a more accurate picture. I'd be inclined just now.to believe the blood test andother negatives over one faint positive atm but fingers crossed. Doesn't matter if was planned or not if you want the baby then the waiting is horrendous

 

[ruined_woman]

No I havnt actually missed my period yet. I have really long cycles, 35 days on average so I should be due for my period on the 2nd of nov. Guess i'll know by then. No I havnt changed shower gel or washing powder. Im not usually one to get allergies like that.

 

[GF91]

Ok, so when did you get your positive pregnancy test? Until you miss your period or get a positive blood test then you'll just have to wait it out I'm afraid.
Sometimes we don't suffer allergies and then all of a sudden one will spark up.