Stresses of TTC

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by twixi, Jul 19, 2013.

  1. twixi

    twixi Well-Known Member

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    Hi girls, I wonder if any of you are going through strains just now with your OH's?
    Since our loss in may we started trying again right away and when I got af a couple of weeks ago I did go a bit wobbly and after too much wine we had a big argument, i guess about me feeling really down and insecure and all sorts of horrid things came out. The next couple of days after everything seemed ok and we were back on track, then last night oh announced he wasn't sure we should try just now as he doesn't think he can handle the hormones if I get pregnant! He also said if we were younger he would want to wait. Arghhhhh! Just as I'm becoming fertile!! This morning he says it kl we will try this month but I feel it's a bit forced on his part now. I just want my baby back more than anything now I feel really anxious he doesn't want it!!! Has anyone had this before, especially after a loss? Thankyou for any advice xxx
     
  2. Dee28

    Dee28 Well-Known Member

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    I feel your anxiety, we are now faced with the likelihood of needing to pay for private icsi to conceive and DH won't speak about it at the moment. He didn't want another baby to begin with and it took him a year to agree to try so I know he won't want to pursue private treatment and I can feel conflict brewing. I'm hoping we can gently find our way through it without any broken hearts, its all we can do really xx


     
  3. Lou1103

    Lou1103 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun!
    I relate so much to this! I got pregnant in november and we argued quite a lot then, when we had our mmc it got worse lol. Took a mini break and had a chemical in April (few days before our wedding) we had a HUGE argument, seemed ok again after the wedding. We had a chilled ttc month and got on well lol, got pregnant again and miscarried in june and again we argued a lot while i was pregnant but this time when i miscarried he was great.
    We have decided to take a 6month-ish break and i can't tell you how much happier our relationship is. You don't realise the stress until you decide to have a break and its like a weight has been lifted. If we had carried on as we were i think we would have split by new year.

    Essay lol but yeah - mine thinks im a monster when i have pregnancy hormones and ttc is SO much harder after a mc (in my opinion) theres so much pressure on you both. Hope you're ok xxx
     
  4. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    I get stressed but I don't let DH know, if I did, that would be it, he would stop trying. I do my stressing in secret, cry in the shower, cry in bed at night when he's asleep etc He's doing his best and that's all I can ask x
    Hope you get it sorted xx
     
  5. twixi

    twixi Well-Known Member

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    Thank you it's good to see others in same boat although it's one I wish none of us had to be in! I sometimes wish he could understand how it feels to have hormones and desperate need to be pregnant again. I feel like I do all the chasing regarding BD, trying to keep it exciting etc. i know he's tired after work but even if we weren't TTC I'd still like it!!
    Last couple of times we have conceived its taken barely any effort and I think that's how men like it to be, like a surprise, wish he would get that SOME effort is required! I'm probably coming across as desperate and I reckon I am, the need to be pregnant is so powerful!
    Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut about it, so hard when your at home all day with far too much thinking time! What do you all do to take your mind off TTC? Xxx
     
  6. twixi

    twixi Well-Known Member

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    Hello again, well, today is ovulation day and managed to entice hubby into dtd cd
    15,16,18,19 and 20! Today is cd21 so hope I have a good chance!
    Only thing is I feel a bit jittery and my hearts racing, like I'm really nervous or excited or something, I wish it would stop so I could be relaxed! I hope nerves around ovulation won't hamper conception! X
     
  7. Misstm

    Misstm Well-Known Member

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    Twixi fingers crossed for you xxxx I ended up splitting with my ex we got together when I was 19 he knew how desperate I was to have children he spent years fobbing me off "we need to buy a house, we need to pay off more if the mortgage, we need a few more years of us time" but he kept saying he did want kids. Last year I lost patience and ended our relationship as we were more like friends than partners. He admitted then that he never wanted babies just wanted to buy a house which he couldn't afford to do on his own. He bought me out of the house and us happily settled with a new girlf who doesn't want kids. I feel I wasted 12 years of my life waiting for babies. My new partner I've known for 2 years we got together early last year and started trying for babies in December. He's 45 and has a 20 year old son and a grandchild on the way. He's desperate for 2 more kids. I'm 32 so a bit of an age gap. Been trying for 8 months now and as disappointing as it is not getting a bfp I couldn't have wished for a more supportive partner (although when he jokingly says he knows he works cos he has a son already I could throttle him lol) it's a stressful experience and luckily I've had no traumas such as mc to deal with. Even with the tears he's been great and when his son announced a whoops moment and a grandchild is on the way I was happy for his son but god that hurt!
    It's a stressful path but will be sooooooo worth it xxx
     
  8. twixi

    twixi Well-Known Member

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    Hi misstm it's horrible when there's babies and pregnancy everywhere it gives such horrible pangs of jealousy doesn't it? I have two children already but still desperate for just one more, even more so after mc.
    How on earth does anyone stay calm when TTC?! I know il be heartbroken when af arrives and willing to bet more arguments when it does!
    We seem to be kind of following smep this month so if I can convince hubby another two days in a row il be happy! I read it has a 40% success rate in the first month! X
     
  9. Misstm

    Misstm Well-Known Member

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    Me and my partner thought we had been successful in December and I was devastated when it i got af in jan made a million times worse by the fact my assistant walked in from the Xmas hold with "I'm pregnant" followed by one of my engineers announcing his oh was also pregnant! That was such a hard time. She wasn't trying either which was tge annoying thing plus she knows my whole story in regards to babies and there was no tact when she announced it! She's been a nightmare as well milking it for all she was worth! I'm not bitter but it did hurt. My sis in law just had her 4th baby in 5 years she was tactful and involved me which was lovely!
    I got my smiley on Friday morning and luckily this was a weekend with my oh (due to work commitments) so now I'm on the deader 2 week wait xxx
     
  10. minniemaker

    minniemaker Well-Known Member

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    Ah I remember this well! When we was first ttc (5 years ago during fertility treatment etc) we used to have major rows and stresses, its a big pressure! 5 years on we're only just getting our heads round the fact it might happen (but I think we are both thinking that last months OV was a fluke) so taking a much more relaxed approach. I tend to do all my venting to my friend, and now on here and leave OH out of it now, ttc pressure can be alot so as far as he's concerned all is good , well and relaxed.....
     
  11. twixi

    twixi Well-Known Member

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    Oh I hate the tww, I also hate the wait up until ovulation too, the pressure not to miss out on an opportunity to bd! I hope it's our turn this month, I'm dreading af coming, il be so down again!
    It's true if i come across as breezy and relaxed it rubs off on OH, need to keep my stress from him for sure x
     
  12. Misstm

    Misstm Well-Known Member

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    I think we should be given a stress warning when we decide to ttc lol never imagined it would be stressful lol stressing over ov then have we dtd enough (not helped by only seeing my oh at weekends at present) then afterwards its that 2ww. I'm driving myself nuts lookin for tiny signs lol dunno how ill survive till testing time lol I'm already tryin to work out the soonest I can test lol this month will be a toughie if there's no bfp but I'm not goin to stress - well not just yet lol just need to stay calm and sane and stop imaging things that aren't there lol
     
  13. Hollyhotlips

    Hollyhotlips Well-Known Member

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    That is just soooo cool. Your partner will have a grandson that'll be older than his next child! Mind boggle ::): xx


     
  14. Misstm

    Misstm Well-Known Member

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    I can't get my head round it and it actually really upset me. His son doesn't know we are tryin for babies but he's always wanted brothers n sisters so I'm hoping he will be pleased when I eventually get pregnant :) my babies nieces n nephews will b older than them ?!
     
  15. twixi

    twixi Well-Known Member

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    Im sure he will be pleased, be good to have playmates close in age too x
     

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