Still think of my 'lost' baby

[DaisyRose]

Hi everyone,

It may sound a bit negative but now I am expecting again I find myself thinking of the little-one I lost more than ever. I sometimes think about the dates, and what I would be now; I wonder what sex it was, what it would have looked like etc etc.

Of course I do all that with the little goo I have now; I even talk to it and tell it that everything is going to be fine etc etc - would do anything not to have anything go wrong.

It is confusing though, all these conflicting thoughts! I think maybe I feel guilty that the little-one I lost never had a chance at life, and that I've somehow just replaced it with another! To be honest though, it will always be my 3rd baby; I will always keep the pregnancy tests, the letter I wrote to it and of course the plant that has come to symbolise it's short existence.

Does anyone else feel confused like this?

 

[Huddsgirl]

Have never had to go through this myself hun, but you are a very brave and strong women to even start to handle something like this in life (i dont know how i would be in such a situation)
but i dont think u should feel guilty for thinking about ur 3rd child, it just showss what a brill mum u are and how u think, and love him/her even though she/he didnt get a proper chance in the world.
anyway have some hugs
thinking of you
x

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

Thanks ever so much for your reply. I guess I knew it wouldn't be easy; I know some women wait for much longer until trying again after a m/c, and I really don't blame them. I do think I've done the right thing though - am not really old but not too far from my mid-30s so the maternal clock is ticking!!! I do feel I can talk about my m/c baby which is really important I think, in order to heal emotionally. It is something that will stay with me forever, yet I know this experience has made me treasure my girls, and my fourth child even more.

Thanks again

 

[timsmom]

For what it's worth, its been eleven years since my son was born sleeping and still I feel bad that he never had a chance at life. And of course I will always have three boys and not two, I console myself with the fact that I will alwys have one forever baby. When I think of him I will never see him as a toddler or a little boy, he will always be my newborn.

 

[mandspice]

I can understand how you feel...at the moment I'm so anxious to protect this pregnancy that to be honest I'm not thinking about the last one, even though I would have been due next month and on maternity leave now....but once I'm sure everything is safe with my precious bean this time then I think I will think of my recent loss more xx

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

I have found that I've been thinking about it less and less, although there are things - certain music/ memories etc that set me off, and sometimes I talk to my plant!!! I have been worried about this pregnancy too - and today I have been told that I have a 1 in 42 chance of having a Downs baby, which is significantly higher than the usual 1 in 400 for my age!

I will always think of my Babaloon though - he keeps me going when I need to stay strong (I am convinced he was a little boy).

 

[Slinky Sarah]

hiya hun....sorry to hear your test results werent as good as you were wanting....just think...there is a 42:1 chance that your baby will be fine!!!

I keep thinking about my baby too....Im convinced mine was a boy too, the more and more i think about it now...He would have been called Toby.
I am a mother, he is my first child.
Im not pregnant as yet but i do sometimes feel guilty wondering if people will think im trying to replace toby, which im not.

Hope your pregnancy continues to go well. And good luck if you have anymore tests

 

[mandspice]

I'm sorry your downs test result wasn't as good as your were expecting. As above, there's a high chance that everything will be fine, and they don't always get it right xxx

 

[DaisyRose]

Thank you Sarah and Mandspice. I've decided not to have any further tests, just a detailed scan which should give us a better idea at 20 weeks - at least then I can prepare myself, or not, as the case will hopefully be.

Toby is a great name, and he'll always be your first child. My children have always had foetal names before birth - Daisy was Brood (my partners idea), Rosie was Baby Baby, Babaloon has always stayed as Babaloon, and this one is Baby Goo - bit silly really but it gives me someone to talk to!!!

All the best for becomming pregnant again very soon Sarah.

 

[Steelgoddess]

I think its quite natural to feel this way with the duedate coming up hon...

Sorry you feel a bit sad