Still struggling with feelings...

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by Amy0801, Apr 13, 2016.

  1. Amy0801

    Amy0801 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies
    Sorry if this is a bit of a moan...
    Found of I am pregnant about 25 days ago even though it feels a lot longer than that so I am about 6+4 weeks now. It was a complete shock even though we had been actively ttc. DD is 6 and we don't want her to know until after the 12 week scan so we are not talking about it around her but then we aren't really talking about it when she has gone to bed! I'm scared because I just don't feel excited and im thinking surly I should be excited about having another baby?!?! I am still struggling with anxiety and I don't sleep very well..I have a lot of doubt. DF doesn't have a lot of patience with DD who has ASD..The other day daughter got a bit stressed because she couldn't find the sellotape in the drawer so DF goes in and says to her "it's right there are you thick, thicko!" So I then had to shout at him to say don't say that to her and I just thought omg what are we doing..how will we cope with another especially DF! We barely make it through the month without running out of money so again I'm thinking what are we doing!! I'm so confused but we haven't told anyone yet not even my sister who I am close to so I feel I have no one to talk to :(
     
  2. KeelyT90

    KeelyT90 Well-Known Member

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    Hi there. Why don't you be the one to bring up the subject once DD is in bed? Its a subject that MUST be spoken about.
    There is never going to be a right time to have another baby, life is busy, financial worries will always be around but we get through it by working at our obstacles.
    I, like yourself, also have anxiety, mine flared up really bad over the last 2 months. (Guessing hormones are playing a big factor), and when I found I was expecting again, i panicked. My OH was understanding though and asked, is this really a right time with the way you're feeling.
    I am currently getting CBT for anxiety once a week and ive accepted the pregnancy, despite I have a VERY active 2 year old going through the terrible twos and now we cant wait.

    If anxiety is taking over at the moment, speak to your GP & get a referral for help.

    What your OH said to your daughter isn't very fair and he does need more patience, however, we all do silly things in the heat of the moment when we're stressed/irritated/annoyed.

    Though, just a suggestion, I really, honestly do not mean to sound harsh, however, if you are re-considering your pregnancy, this wouldn't be an area of the forum to post as theres a couple of people going through scare factors & unexpected losses at the moment.

    Good Luck & I hope you feel better about things soon xx
     
  3. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    I think it's normal to be nervous I can't say in excited yet not like I was with my son but when you already have one you have a glimpse into the reality of it and know it's a lot harder than u think, but there's also the other side another little person who makes you laugh and cry more than anyone else, but who loves you so much, I worry how my son will cope not being the only child I worry he will feel left out and that he won't be my baby anymore, we also never have any money left at the end of the month, does anyone? But you will cope and you will manage
     
  4. sammielou

    sammielou Well-Known Member

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    I was a long way into my pregnancy before I honestly felt any excitement. I was already being treated for anxiety and depression before I got pregnant and my OH is recovering from serious illness. When we announced the pregnancy, to people who knew about our health issues I said 'yeah, it's not an ideal situation, but we're excited and its what we wanted'. Inside I was panicking, wondering how the heck we were ever going to get through this. Wondering what kind of awful person I was for contemplating bringing an innocent baby into this.

    As time went on, and mental health treatment progressed, I came to accept that there is no perfect environment to bring a baby in to. Money might be tight, but we'll find a way to manage. Being sleep deprived will make mine and OHs health issues worse, but again - we'll manage. Dealing with my anxiety and depression at the same time as all the upheaval of having a newborn will be difficult - but we'll manage. Because we'll be rewarded with that first smile. The first giggle. The first word. The first step. All the awesome things about watching a new human being grow.

    Mixed feelings are totally normal. Having a baby is a Big Deal. You aren't going to come to terms with it overnight and you shouldn't feel guilty at all about having doubts. Those doubts are because you care :)
     
  5. Amy0801

    Amy0801 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies
    Thanks you for your replies. It is such a confusing time...I go through periods of feeling a bit exciting and looking forward to a new baby and then I suddenly change to feelings of doubt and I think I can't do this again starting from scratch! We are struggling with DD quite a bit at the moment with her frustration, anger and attention...im thinking of taking her back to her peaditrian..she only sees him once a year and isn't due to go again until the end of November and by then baby will be almost due! I have my first appointment with the midwife next week and I am just worried I will go in and be a blubbering mess and she will think I'm crazy. I'm also worried if I keep feeling like this then I will be more likely to get postnatal depression and I won't bond with the baby.

    I know we will cope financially but part of me keeps thinking that i am fed up of just 'coping' each month..I know that may sound a bit selfish but there are things we want to do such as finish the house and have more holidays but now I think those this will have to wait probably for another 6 more years and by then DD will be 12. I am sorry for waffling on a bit but I have all these thoughts going around in my head and I just can't think straight xx
     
    #5 Amy0801, Apr 16, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2016
  6. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    A couple of us posted replies on your other thread, have you had a look at those at all? Its good that you have found this forum to vent and talk to people who might be more understanding or knowledgeable than people in your circle of family or friends. I like it here because I can be free, totally me and nobody can identify who I am. This gives me the ability to be totally honest without the worry someone knows me and can talk about my very private business. I have my husband and 2 friends who know we are TTC and my parents are hopeful that we are but it is not common knowledge. I dont want my private life being discussed like its some gossip so I keep it quiet. This is the perfect place to ask for help or complain or express worry or just talk knowing someone is likely to reply
     

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