still feeling like I've had the stuffing kicked out of me

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

wow, this is a lot harder than i ever imagined.

when i said that my bump was a hell of a lot easier than a baby, it was an understatement of the year.

i still find this whole thing totally numbing, and the biggest shock i have ever known

when does this shock end?

 

[Layla]

sorry to hear that hun,

does you OH and family help? maybe they can take Sam off your handa for a few hours so you get a rest when needed, you can express milk for his feeds?

have you mentioned to your HV the way your feeling?

 

[beanie]

Hi hun, I too felt (and still feel) completely shell shocked and have had quite a few problems with being a mum. But it does get easier because you and baby become more confident. I am still overwhelmed at times, Seren is so clingy at the moment and wants constant feeding but she will now sleep from 10-7 and I get some me time. You are doing fab, PM me if you want to chat x

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

my urge to express has become very desparate now.

i just cannot cope with feeding him all myself any more.

it all came to a head at 1am this morning when i still hadn't been to bed.

i was so tired, i couldn't even bring myself to feed him and he was yelling.

i love him to death, but my god, this motherhood thing has hit me even harder than i thought, and i never thought it would be easy in the first place.

when will i cope?

 

[Layla]

hun, your shattered!

try expressing and letting somneone else take over the feeds for a few hours or even a day so that you can get some rest.

I didnt bond with my daughter Charlie untill she was a month old, motherhood is a big shock for most woman so dont beat yourself up about it.

you have been doing a great job!, better than i did, i gave breast feeding up after the first week, partly coz of the pain and partly coz i was shattered and needed help with feeds, i didnt think of expressing untill it was to late, wish i had now tho!
once you get some rest hopfuly things will get better for you, the older the babies get the easier it becomes i found.

xx

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

awww hun it is really hard like layla sed have u got anyone who could have him for a while so u could relax and have a bth and go to bed for a while etc!!!

some people dont like this idea but if u really are not happy any more with breast feeding doing the nite feeds etc have you thought of doing 50 / 50 with formula so u can have a break thts wot i did hope u feel better soon

 

[Layla]

i agree sarah, there is so much pressure on mums to breast feed, even if they wear themself down in to the ground trying to do it!

there is no harm at all in introducing some fomula so the mum can get a break.

I wish i had expressed now so that i could have kept most of my milk to give Coby, but i know he is more than fine on fomula

 

[beanie]

Are you able to express? I am rubbish at it so in the end we gave Seren a formula top up in the evening as I was getting down about the constant feeding, plus I was very sore. I didn't want yto give her formula but to be honest the relief of having a break was overwhelming, I could have a bath whilst OH fed her. It also meant I was able to carry on breast feeding, and I have now managed 2 days where I have exprssed enough for a top up before she goes to bed. So she is now breast fed 100% but if I am tired I will go back to the formula. I am not saying that you should do this as it might not work for everyone, but it helped me get through those early weeks. I can't beieve I can't cope with a baby, I felt like such a failure this morning as I got my letter through witH my initial appt to see a CPN, this was not how i pictured motherhood either. She is crying now so i have to go x

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

thanks hun

it really helps to get some advice.

i just cannot wait for

a) someone else to feed him
b) when he smiles back at me

At the moment I just feel like I am being bled dry of all energy, resources, enthusiasm and patience. i feel like I am being leeched and I am very jealous of the DH in the night when he has his eyes shut and is sleeping and I am having to pop my eyelids open with matchsticks so that I don't fall asleep whilst feeding Samuel.

Then I start resenting the baby and then I start crying because I feel so guilty. I chose this motherhood thing, so I just have to cope don't I?

We are going to start expressing tomorrow, as I can't cope with feeding him on my own anymore.

 

[beanie]

Then I start resenting the baby and then I start crying because I feel so guilty. I chose this motherhood thing, so I just have to cope don't I?

Just because you chose to have a baby doesn't mean you are not allowed to struggle. Is there somone who could come round to look after Sam for a little bit whilst you have a sleep, or they could take him out for a lomng walk (my MIL did this one week and it was great to have a couple of hours, even if I did housework). Don't be ashamed of how you feel, I didn't ask for help till it was at the point where I was crying when she woke up, I wish I had asked sooner. I hope the expressing goes well, one tip I have learnt is that when the milk flow starts to slow, run your hand from the top of the breast to the nipple as this gets more out x

 

[Kim]

I felt exactly the same at about 3/4 weeks. I didn't bond with Rubie until I started expressing and formula feeding alongside breast feeding because I was starting to resent her through tiredness and her constant feeding. I agree breast is best, in theory, but what isn't best is an unhappy, tired and on the verge of a breakdown mother, and a hungry, mardy baby.

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

i am 99% sure when u start to express n ur OH can feed sam ull feel more free!! i feel like that sometimes still n i bottle feed having to do everything for braydon i fet so bad last nite my aunt has braydon for me now so i could have 5 mins

i hope u feel better soon and i dont know if u know but have a hot bath and express whilst in there it produces more milk thats wot i did

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

I was actually talking to someone on the phone the other day who is mostly breastfeeding but the OH gives the baby a bottle of formula once a day and she gets to go to bed at a sensible time.

My god. I am jealous of that, and the thoughts of formula milk were stronger than they have ever been at 1am this morning. At about 15 I was begging someone to give me the permission to get a carton of formula out.

Bad night.

 

[Kim]

Then get the formula out!! Why do you need permission? If things are that bad, just give him formula

 

[Layla]

Then get the formula out!! Why do you need permission? If things are that bad, just give him formula

exactly! its not wrong to give fomula as well as breast, you have to think of yourself as well as your baby hun, you need the rest

xx

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

I sound so weak and pathetic don't I!

I used to be the most optimistic, happiest person I know but in the past three weeks, I have been a complete misery.

Roll on tomorrow morning when the breast pump comes out for its big launch!

Its also the weekend, which means I don't have to care for him all by myself.

 

[Layla]

why wait untill tomrrow?

if you try to express throughout today then you can store it and you OH can do a feed over night for you so you can get some sleep?

 

[Kim]

I was the same, I wouldn't get the pump out, or the steriliser or the formula, I somehow I thought it meant I was a bad mum. But what I have learned is not to think that way, it's the best thing I ever did

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

the thing is, my milk flow is very very fast first thing in the morning and it is recommended to do it then.

I have only just fed LO and my boobs are pretty empty now.

Also the milk that you get first thing in the morning has quite a bit of the hormone in it that knocks them out, so its worth catching that milk and storing it all day and then giving it to him at 11pm tomorrow.

I might go and get the pump all set up and sterilised and ready in a minute.

 

[Amanda]

Sarah, I felt exactly the same and didn't bond with my daughter at all at the start. I gave up at 6 weeks and put her on formula. 2 decent nights sleep and a couple of afternoon naps later and I felt like a new person with the most precious baby in the world!!

Do not feel like you are weak and pathetic as this is the hardest (and eventually most rewarding) thing you will ever do.