Step Children...........

Discussion in 'Growing Up' started by merlin, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. merlin

    merlin Well-Known Member

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    Okay I didn't know where to post this thought in here was as good as anywhere, and I apologise if it turns into a rant, I am currently a pregnant and emotional ladeeee!
    My dh has a daughter from his previous relationship, she is almost 5. She has a sister who is 6 and a half she is not my husbands daughter but he was with his ex when she was 6 months old till she was almost 4 ish.
    We have both girls every other weekend, the older is very full on and demands all the attention, I and my mil have spoken to my dh about the fact he is going to miss out on his own daughter if he doesn't spend some time alone with her. After all the older one does not call dh dad, she has had contact with her father but isn't at the moment. I have struggled with this myself a lot, the fact that he so desperately wants to have both girls all the time and won't concentrate his time on his own little one, 2 days a fortnight isn't a lot!
    This weekend he has hardly spent any time with his own daughter, I have! And he has spent all of today working on the car with the older one helping him whilst little one is indoors with me watching tv while I am trying to get my invoicing done! Shouldnt he be encouraging her to join in and help and get some valuable time out of this weekend?Am I being unreasonable? I will probably re read this later and think I am!

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  2. missyeovil

    missyeovil Well-Known Member

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    No I don't think you are being unreasonable, although I must say that I think it's great that he has maintained contact with the eldest despite him not having to. There are too many children who have people in and out of their lives constantly, form an attachment, and then never get to see them every again - my step daughter being an example.

    If I were you I would organise either things which you can all do together - or organise something that you and the eldest can do which means that he would have no choice but to spend the time with the youngest. It might be that he feels the eldest is a bit insecure because obviously her dad's not about as much and he feels he needs to make up for that, but that obviously shouldn't be at the youngest's expense. I hope it all works out okay :) xxx
     
  3. merlin

    merlin Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your reply Missy! You are totally correct in all you say. I feel like a proper cow now, he has just taken them both out for a couple of hours, I think he could sense I was miffed. I didn't want to talk to him while the girls were here.
    It is great for the eldest, she does need the stability in her life and a male role model. And you are right in the fact that dh over compensates for the eldests fathers shortcomings, he has said as much in the past and I have said the same with regards to his own daughter, he cannot let that relationship suffer in any way!
    All will be fine, I love both the girls a lot, I knew them both before myself and dh got together and we do get on very well. We will no doubt have another chat later!

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  4. mylullaby

    mylullaby Well-Known Member

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    Aww... don't feel like a cow hun. I think it's great that he's in contact with both girls and - biologically his or not - they clearly have a special bond. He sounds like a great guy - and what an amazing dad he's going to be to your LO! I wouldn't worry about the attention thing too much - like others have said, if it's getting a little too unfair, take the older one out somewhere to leave him with the younger one for a bit. It's great that he provides both his daughters with whatever stability he can after his break up with their mum. I agree that doing plenty together as a family will be good for you all.
     
  5. redbear

    redbear Well-Known Member

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    Does he see the eldest as his daughter? because if he see's them both as his children then why does it matter how he shares out his time? The older one will want to stop coming when she hits 15 and the youngest will still see her dad. I don't think your been out of order but I say leave it to him, he took on a six month old baby as his own and that was his choice and he obviously formed a bond, its brilliant there should be more men like him out there!

    My bil has two sons to his ex, the eldest is biologically not his but he has always treat him like his son, calls him his son, pays for him, has him weekends, we call him our nephew and my mil calls him her grandson, its never changed because he wasn't the 'sperm' he is the one who changed his bum, got up in the night, fed him etc etc. Even when they split he has always had them both at weekends, there brothers they come as a pair, if he was to suddenly take the youngest and leave the eldest at home how horrible would that be x
     
  6. redbear

    redbear Well-Known Member

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    btw the eldest calls him by his name not dad but he see's him as his dad, my husband is the same his dad up sticked and left and he has a step dad with an amazing bond, he is the one who raised him and Alice calls him granddad. x
     
    #6 redbear, Sep 27, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2013

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