Stay in London?

[giuliaplus2]

Hey there, I've been having a bit of a struggle these past few days..well weeks actually.
To start from the beginning - I've been with OH (we are getting married either by the end of the year or beginning of next year) for a good 6 years now. We are both from Coventry where we lived when we met. I'm 24, he's 29. We moved in together after around 2 years. After about another year and a half he got a really good job offer in London.
He didn't want to take it because of many reasons (one was he didnt want to leave me), but I had always dreamed of living and studying in London, so i convinced him. Since then I've been living here with him and always loved it in London. But now that I'm pregnant - with twins - I feel like I'm going crazy here. To me London is a great place to live and study, but not to raise a family I've realised. I hate being pregnant here. I am too scared to take the car while I'm pregnant as the traffic here is terrible anyway. Even before I got pregnant I barely used the car here, always used public transportation - which seriously sucks when you're pregnant. And as of right now I'm still pretty much able to move, but I can see it's starting to get harder and harder and let's face it: the underground stations are not really pregnancy-friendly if I may say so. A few do have escalators or lifts, but so many still have stairs only and I really need to sit down and take a deep breath after I've managed to climb them.
Any other pregnant London ladies here who can relate or is it really just me? I don't know. Whenever I go back home to Coventry I feel like everything's just soo much easier there, probably also because my family lives there! I have family here and so does he (like uncles, aunts etc we both come from big families) who have offered to help and my parents have another flat here in London so my mum decided to come stay there for a while to help out with the twins once they're here. Also oh's mum offered to stay with us in the beginning. But I still feel like everything's so difficult here. For the past few weeks all I've wanted is to move back to Coventry and raise my babies there. I can't even imagine taking the tube with two children.

Problem is: My oh has a really good job here which he loves and where he gets paid very well. I am sure he could get a job easily in Coventry, because he's really good at what he does, but I'm still afraid of telling him, since I was the one who convinced him to move to London in the first place and he would have to give up a job he loves, which i dont want! I think he's realised I haven't been really happy about our situation lately, but hasn't figured out why exactly yet. Also moving across the country won't be easy, especially since I won't be able to help much.

Sorry for the loooooong and endless post.... thanks to anyone who took the time to read! What do you think I should do? Should I talk to him and tell him I want to move back? Or should I just give it another try? After all I've always loved it here till now..

 

[Nonabean]

I think regardless of the end result, it's really important for you to speak to your other half and let him know what you're thinking.
If he knows you're unhappy but not why he might think it's him and you don't want those worries to come to the surface while you're pregnant with twins.

I don't know what the right thing is for you, I think you need to decide as a couple xx

 

[giuliaplus2]

Thank you nonabean... you are probably right! I was just trying to ignore it till now and so far I think he doesn't think it's because of him he's just worried about me...but it could probably turn into him thinking it has to do with him (or even worse another man).
I've just been putting it off, because I know once I say this I it's the start of a lot of stress, which I've tried to avoid so far. But to be honest, it's stress the way it is, too, lso I don't really have anything to lose there.. and he's always understanding and wants nothing but the best for me and our babies... I'd just feel sooo bad if he'd had to give up his job here only because I don't like living here anymore..
But yeah, you're right... I need to tell him. He's got tomorrow off so I'll do then tomorrow I think

 

[TashaWink]

Have you spoke with him? What have you decided?

I'm assuming you're quite central? Could you not move out a bit further where he can still commute in? (We live by heathrow and the fast train to Waterloo is 25/30min) then you would feel safer living out a bit further and he'll still have his job.

 

[Drc]

I'd go with moving a bit further out, I live out in Dunstable and drive down to Paddington every day for work which is absolutely fine, move a little further up and you'd both be nearer to home in Coventry, live somewhere nicer and cheaper and OH can still commute to London, winner all round

 

[H16]

I left Coventry last year after 7 years there as I got sick of raising my child far away from my family lol. You need to tell OH how you feel and see what he says, as mentioned above maybe try moving further out to a quieter area that is still near enough for him to commute. I think the real question is do you want to move out of London as it is too busy etc or have you realised that you want to live by your parents? They are two very different things and if the answer is family then moving slightly further out won't make you feel better and only moving home will x

 

[harrisondeep]

No my recommendation is to stay on London because definitely you have another opportunity to get nice job again.

 

[giuliaplus2]

Oh I totally forgot about this thread! Thanks everyone for all the input and suggestions.

We've decided to stay in Coventry for now. OH actually came up with it himself, I didn't even have to bring it up. We stayed in Coventry for the first few weeks with our girls and I think he just saw how much I wanted to stay and how happy I was with family around. He said he really wanted to found his own business and he could do it wherever we would decide to stay. So we've decided to move to Coventry permanently, we've just bought a house and are currently in the process of moving into our new home. I think it was the right decision, I'm REALLY REALLY happy about it. Our families and friends all live close by and I think our girls will have a better childhood here than in London - and that's what's most important to us.

Great thing is OH and I both work in the same field, so we've decided to start up the business together and while he'll be working in the office I can work at home whenever I can and take care of our twins. I'll be my own boss haha so that's good! And me and OH can work "together" without actually sitting in an office together (because I don't think that would work out haha!). Just hope everything turns out as planned.

 

[JoanPrice]

Sorry, I stay here in Toronto.

 

[mariemom]

Hi the two of you have to have the conversation. Be suggestive and not demanding make the decision together. Hope it all works out.