Starting to wonder

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by pinkyprincess, Feb 19, 2012.

  1. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2010
    Messages:
    10,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    If I'd be better off without OH. He's bloody useless! He just accused me of not being able to calm my child down! Yes he really comes home to a screaming baby every night because I'm not capable of calming him! No! I don't think so!

    Basically I was about to feed Tyler who's tired (and after OH was just plonked in his bouncer, no cuddles and what not and I was making him a drink so not my responsibility) I came back and went to have a play on his mat so I put him down and he fussed, so I picked him up went to try and feed him and he went mad. I started giving him cuddles and talking to him when OH goes all angrily 'give him here' and snatched him off me. When I asked him why he said 'because you can't calm him down' he walked around shushing him for a while and Tyler was still screaming so he just pretty much threw him at me! I've been walking him round the flat holding him close talking softly to him and surprise surprise it took a while but he's asleep on my chest!

    During me calming him down OH took him off me a few times then gave him back and I took his dungers off as he'd made himself hot. OH kept saying that he don't want anymore kids and that he's always screaming. I pointed out (ever so helpfully ;) that he never cries when it's the 2 of us at home!) he's bow stormed off to the bedroom to sleep and again I'm left with the baby.

    Last night Tyler woke up ONCE he fussed and by the time I'd got him from his cot to the bed to feed him OH had stormed out to the living room and stayed there (he only sleeps in the bedroom over the weekend because of work.)

    I spent the morning getting Ty ready for us to go for a walk, I got him to sleep and put him in his pram told him I was brushing my teeth to which he snapped at me because I wasn't 'ready' Tyler woke up and he left him crying for me to come and sort out instead of giving him a cuddle.

    Sorry this is a ramble he's just so bloody useless all the time! I don't mind doing the night shift (which I do on my own every night! As well as the day shift on my own all day!) I'm bfing and that was my choice. He comes home give him a cuddle then he's given back to me when he fusses (because I can't calm him apparently!!)

    I'm so pissed off with him! He tells me I can't look after my boy yet I do all the looking after!!


     
  2. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2006
    Messages:
    11,143
    Likes Received:
    0
    :(
    :hug: I don't know what to say Hun he's being an arse!!! The tension between u isn't gonna help ur baby settle at all! He seems very selfish at the moment tbh.. Try and have a talk with him maybe go have a meal on ur own or something if u have a sitter?
     
  3. prettypenguin

    prettypenguin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2011
    Messages:
    1,857
    Likes Received:
    0
    Think there's something in the air my OHs being annoying, I don't get why they moan they.never get to see them then when i offer for him to bath, feed or change or play they're like 'no I've gotta do this....' I don't wanna ramble, I know how u feel though, I feel like I don't even have a boyfriend sometimes just a single mum with q lodger :mad:
     
  4. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2010
    Messages:
    10,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    He's off away with work for 3 days tomorrow! He just says he's tired because of work. We can't get a sitter because ATM Tyler only takes 1 oz in a bottle then won't take more.

    It annoys me as he's the one that wanted a baby before he was 30 (this summer) I wanted to wait until we were married and I was a little older (24 this year) but he convinced me and I warmed to the idea. Now the baby is here he says he loved him but if he had the choice he wouldn't have him!!


     
  5. NinjaKitty

    NinjaKitty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2011
    Messages:
    9,113
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sorry PP he sounds like he's being a right ****. Looking after such a young baby is hard especially if you are BF in the early days. He deffo needs to man up and realise that this is what it is like starting out. Hopefully he'll come back from his 3 days away refreshed and you two can have a proper talk. Maybe you need to set down a few rules like the sort of interaction he need with LO when he gets home, ie be clear of what is expected of him.
     
  6. Danti

    Danti Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,165
    Likes Received:
    1
    :hug: what a horrible thing to say! More like he doesn't deserve him! You should tell him that next time he comes out with something like that! xx

     
  7. Jaxx01

    Jaxx01 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    0
    See I had this with my first babies dad!! Ive done all the hard work with Stanley on my own and I have to admit Ive found it soo much easier not having a man around lol

    Do you think hes just getting completely overwhelmed by it all?? :( its hard for everyone but I think us women just get on with it because we have to and I think the bond between a mother and baby is a littl ebit stronger in the beginning!! It takes men a while to get used to the change :( xx
     
  8. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2010
    Messages:
    10,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    He came out a while ago and apologised to both of us and said he was tired because he'd been up since 2. He then was giving Tyler a cuddle and saying to him 'was Tyler asleep on mummy? Did she settle you down when you went mad? Isn't she a good mummy?' etc etc think he feels a bit guilty now!

    I'm gonna get him to look after the baby while I have a bath, haven't had one since the day before I went to hospital.

    Jazz these men do get overwhelmed far too easily!!


     
  9. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2011
    Messages:
    8,058
    Likes Received:
    0
    Its really tough hun, babies do put a strain on relationship in the beginning. It got easier for me as lo got older, hang on there. Sleep deprivation can do horrible things with people although i would have slapped dh if he said we should have waited. He wanted kids before 40 (in 3 years)

    sent from my Galaxy s2
     
  10. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    8,894
    Likes Received:
    0
    There must be something in the air today. :hugs: xxx
     
  11. lewisca

    lewisca Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2011
    Messages:
    1,798
    Likes Received:
    0
    Men do get overwhelmed and they feel pushed out and they throw their dummies out the pram !! My oh is jealous of the way I am with Rhea and hope I can deal with her crying etc he says himself he couldn't do it and will feel more confident when she is older. He does look after her for 2 hrs on a mon night while I go to slimming world but that's it !! Hang on in there it's all new to u all and men just take that bit longer to adjust !! Xxx


     
  12. star fish

    star fish Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    0
    Lack of sleep and crying makes for high stress. We have argued loads and said some horrid things we didnt mean.

    We are being competitive about who is tiredest, which is stupid "i just worked 13 hours straight" "Yeah? Well I work all day and all night and was up all night whilst you were snoring" "I go to work and come home and you pass me the baby straight away" "Yes, because I have had him all day and need to go to the loo and he wont let me put him down" etc etc

    Its very hard not to punish each other because we feel shit, when we should be supporting each other.

    I start crying because i want a bath, OH takes the baby, I get in the bath, baby starts crying and OH starts shouting at me to get out and feed the baby! I shout back that he isnt hungry and just needs calming but I jump out anyway because all the yelling is not going to calm the baby, then I sulk for 2 hours at not getting to finish my bath.

    Basically very similar to you - but much as i get cross i'm not really cross, just very tired, I'm sure your OH doesnt mean it when he says he wishes he hadnt been born! (i would find that extremely upsetting)

    He is being unsupportive to you but everyone tells me that the first 3 months are the hardest and then it gets easier, so we are both half way there, so it should get easier every day! Hang in there and try to be kind to each other :hug: xx
     
    #12 star fish, Feb 19, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2012
  13. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2006
    Messages:
    11,143
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think we are all in the same boat, they don't get the hormones and bonding like we do
    It will get better when they get older! Its defo easier without a man around lol!!
     
  14. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2010
    Messages:
    10,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    I must say the baby bit has come so easy to me. Tyler is a very good baby (fx he stays that way) it's more challenging dealing with the adult relationships lol.

    I had a successful bath bar an interruption of my OH on a nappy mission. Tyler didn't take his bottle so were back to square one again!!! Grrr!


     
  15. Hunnie

    Hunnie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2011
    Messages:
    5,422
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think I need to have a massive reality check! I thought my OH was bad but actually thinking about it he helps with Sophie a lot and even took her with him today and let me sleep in till gone half 1. I feel awful now for being so awful to him.
     
  16. hesty14

    hesty14 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    There really is something in the air today as me and DH have been arguing about his lack of assistance during the night. I am ff so he has no excuse but still says maybe mummy will like to feed you even though I have been doing it all day!

    At least you got a bath in and a bit of a relax.

    Us women really are built of stronger stuff!
     
  17. ForestLas80

    ForestLas80 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    So sorry to hear your OH isn't really helping that much and stressing u out. Hun I would really talk it out before making big decisions. As u said motherhood has come easy to you :) but maybe he's finding being a dad harder than he thought and is taking it out in you. ( Which is not good!) Is it worth trying to encourage him to stay calm around Tyler and/or praise him for things he's doing right as he might be feeling like he's not doing a good job or know how to? U most definitely have the parent thing sussed and maybe he could need your help?
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice