soooo fed up

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Layla, Oct 10, 2005.

  1. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    awww hunny (((((((((((((((Kay)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    dont beat yourself up over this, its normaly belive it or not!
    I had slight post natel depression after having my son, i felt the same as you, cried alot and was very tired, he cried constantly after he was born, and was sick every 5 mins, he also seemd like he feed every hour which i knew wasnt right.

    i went back and forth to teh docs with him and they kept telling me he was fine, in the end i changed docs and took him, turns out he had a milk alergy, which was making him sick and hungry all teh time, hes belly was poorly which was making him cry.

    he was out on to soya milk and within hours he was a diffrent baby, happy content, it was only then that we really bonded!
    you sound shattered hun, which isnt going to help your emotions, plus you had such a rough ride giving birth, you need to give yourself a pat pn the back to be honest, you have done so well to get yourself back!

    if summer is crying alot and feeding lots, maybe think about changeing her milk? not to soya, coz she doesnt have an allergy, but to a diffrent brand? thats if your not brest feeding of course.
    farleys do a milk which is made for hungrier babies, other brands prob do aswell, but i know more about farleys.

    I think your mum is right tho, you should talk to someone, if not the doc then your midwife or health visitor, they are not going to judgeyou hun, there are there to help.

    they can sugest diffrent things to try and might make life a bit easier.

    hang in there tho, i promise you, it does get better

    xxxxxx
     
  2. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    forgot to mention, i only live 20 mins away from you, maybe it will do you good to get out or have some company, i would have no probs atall to meet up, see your stunning little girl and spend the day maning about pregnancy, birth and men :D
     
  3. Guest

    Oh sweetie I'm so sorry you're feeling so shitty right now :( wish I could give you a real big hug.

    I think you should go and see your doctor about this as you could be getting 'baby blues', which isn't a bad thing. It's quite common so don't feel embarressed or ashamed.

    Little Summer did have a distracted start with being in hospital so long so it may have kncked any routine you'd like to put in place.

    Haven't had my little one yet so I can't offer much advice I'm afraid - but I'll try. As for the crying when you put her down, it doesn't hurt to leave her to cry for a while. If she is tiered she will cry herself to sleep. I know it's hard to leave her, but my friend had to do this with her little one. She got so used to being picked up whenever she cried that she did it for attention.

    I hope things get better soon. Hugs....xxxxx
     
  4. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    i was worried about them taking Ethan off me too if i admiting i was feeling down, but its the oposite babe, they help you more than you imiagne but giveing you suport, sugesting things to try.

    if summer has colic, a good way to sooth her is baby massage, ask your health visitor about it, its so simple to do and really does have a calming affect on the baby.

    as for the milk, you can change that at any time, you dont need the health visiotrs permission to do that, you never know, it might be adding to her colic problems, what brand is she on at the mo? how many ounces does she take each feed, and is it every hour she will demand one?

    about meeting up, you dont have to leave the house ro get dressed, im happy to come to you, it will be good to get away from my kids for a bit and have adult convos lol
     
  5. -Cat-

    -Cat- Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kay,
    Im so sorry to hear about the difficulties you have been having, and I think you really need to consider getting some professional help. You have had a very traumatic birth and instead of having time afterwards to deal with it and get over the trauma you have been plunged head first into dealing with a newborn baby and other relationship problems which is only making matters worse for you.

    Try not to dispair, you are not alone in the way you feel, and dont ever be afraid to ask for help, even if its just picking up the phone to an advice line for a few minutes to just have an understanding ear to listen to you.

    You have been through an awfull lot recently and its only right you should have a lot of support to get you through. There is an end in sight and you will get though this time and emerge stronger afterwards.

    check out this website http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/ you will find its not uncommon what you are feeling and you can email these people and be put in touch with other mums and organisations who can hopefully help you.

    all the best. we are all thinking of you!

    xx
     
  6. OverTheMoon

    OverTheMoon Well-Known Member

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    We have been speaking on other threads but I just read this one and it really worried me, you sound sooo down :(
    I have had the odd day when I feel like that but luckily for me I have a few good days too, I can't imagine how awful it must be to feel on such a downer constantly. All the feelings you've described sound so familiar. What I can say is, you seem to be worrying about being a good mother, but you wouldn't be asking for advice if you didn't care now would you? You are obviously keen for your baby to have the best in life but you are just going through a rough patch. You probably do have depression after so little sleep - no human being can go through that amount of sleep deprivation and still function 'normally'.
    I agree with the others, have a chat to your doc, but can I also suggest you have a real heart to heart with your mum. Perhaps she might be able to take some additional time off to be with you?
    Anyway I really hope things soon start to improve for you, I'm absolutely sure you are a GREAT mum and Summer loves you lots, she is just adjusting to the big wide world and when all this blows over you are both gonna be just fine.
    Big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. Guest

    babys communicate by crying. shes asking for some thing.... ignoring her will teach her that no one will come when she needs her mummy.

    wud u like to be crying in pain asking ur OH for comfort and he ignores you???

    kayl i knows its draining. alana had alot of wind last night. OH was shattered and im still in so much pain im not much help.. its soul destroying when you cant comfort your baby.. but i can only suggest it will get easier... and when u hear her say"i love you mummy" it will all be worth it
     
  8. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun, really sorry you are feeling like this.
    I can only suggest that it will get better with time, dont be afriad to talk to someone about how you are feeling, you are definitely not alone and your health visitor or GP will be able to suggest something. Think it would be good for you to get out and maybe meet other mums in the same situation as you, your HV may suggest any local groups or something that maybe you could go to?
    Try to sleep as much as you can, when summer sleeps then try and sleep yourself, even if you dont manage to sleep at least you can rest for a while. Lack of sleep is hard on anyone let alone with all the emotiions and hormones etc of having to look after a newborn baby. i didnt sleep a wink the whole 3 nights i was in hospital with jamie, it made me feel awful, i was so emotional and jamie would cry then i would cry etc..!! i was just so tired and exhaused from such a tramatic birth that even the smallest things would make me cry!
    Im fine now thank god, but it really does make a difference when youve had a good sleep (easier said than done i know!!!)
    Summer loves her mummy and dosent like her upset so keep smiling hunny and im sure it will be fine in the end, at least you have a beatifull little girl to show for all your hard work
    Take care, here for you if you ever wana chat and really hope you feel better soon
    steph x x
     
  9. ashley22

    ashley22 Well-Known Member

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    Big Hugs to you!!!!

    I completly understand how you feel. I suffered PND after having my little boy (he's 4 now) but I didn't ask for help I just suffered and kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to tell people incase they thought I was a failure and a bad mum.....................IT WAS A BIG MISTAKE!!!!

    You need to tell people about this, your GP, your mum, your HV - anybody. I let it go on for 1 1/2 years and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I know how hard it is but I also know how hard it is to talk about it.

    Please Please speak to your GP, they won't judge you and they definetly wont take Summer off you. All they want is for summer to have a healthy, happy mummy!!!

    Lots of Love and Hugs

    Ashley xxx
     
  10. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Huge hug to you. (((( ))))

    I haven't been there yet but frankly it sounds perfectly reasonable to be feeling the way you do given the birth you went through and your lack of sleep since. My midwife reminded us at our ante-natal class this week that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in some Countries. Add that to all of those hormones and the shock of what you've just been through and not to mention that you're doing it on your own and it's totally understandable. I'm sure there are lots of people who will help and they won't want to take her away- honest. How about your health visitor? Friends? It sounds like you need someone to start off with to just mind her while you get some sleep- then see what help is available. In ancient times we all would have had a team of older, community women to help us through this difficult bit you know, it's totally natural to need help at this most demanding stage, people will understand if you ask for help- it's not an admission of failure or anything. In a way maybe society fails mothers by not having a proper community system to support them.

    Anyway, look after yourself, that's the best thing you can do for Summer and start calling in favours from friends, families and well wishers not to mention healthcare professionals- it's what they're there for.

    Take care hun, hope it gets easier soon
    +++
     
  11. Zor-El

    Zor-El Well-Known Member

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    have you tried to swoddle summer in a blanket ask ur hv how to do it so she is comfy a lot of babys find it easier to sleep like that ethan does as he still thinks he is being cuddled plus he dont wake himself up by knocking his head with hands lol :D
     
  12. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Morning hun. Your health visitor might have some good tips for helping Summer sleep- she deals with new Mums and babies everyday, that's her job so I'd imagine she's pretty experienced in the kind of sleep problems that babies have. Have you tried giving Summer a dummy rather than a feed to see if it's comfort rather than hunger that's making her cry? It still might be worth changing the milk formula as someone else suggested as maybe she needs more calories and that's why? I don't know much about all of this but there are many reasons why Summer is crying and not sleeping all of the time and lots of things to try.

    You really really need to get some sleep and a bit of a break from it, if your Mum won't help and there's no one else you will have to ask your hv as you can't go on dealing with this without sleep- it's physically impossible. Maybe you do have postnatal depression but maybe you're just more tired than you've ever been in your life and still in shock over the birth. Please look after yourself and ask for some physical help

    +++
     
  13. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kay

    Sorry you're feeling so bad. I've not had post natal depression because I haven't had my baby yet (!) but I have had depression and it's horrible. I resisted seeing a doctor for ages because I felt I could get myself better but I was sooooo glad when I finally did.

    Lack of sleep will make you feel like you're going insane so sleep in the day if you can.

    Don't ever think your baby loves your Mum and not you. I'm sure it's just because she's connected with you that you both cry together. My friend went through a similar thing to you and my Mum was able to comfort her baby for her because the baby wasn't so emotionally attached to my Mum.

    If the baby was hospital for a long time she's probably used to attention all the time and although babies do communicate through crying it is ok to leave them for small periods to see if they settle. The baby whisper says so. She recomends the pick up put down technique where you keep reassuring the baby but keep putting her back down in her cot.

    I'm sorry I can't be of more help because as I said I haven't had my baby yet. I only know some theory without any practice!!! You'll be able to advise me come January.

    Hope things settle down for you soon. Meet up with Layla and have some adult time. I'm sure it will help you feel better.

    Take care
    Louise
     
  14. OverTheMoon

    OverTheMoon Well-Known Member

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    Hey sweetie I'm sorry to hear that last night was just as much of a nightmare for you...
    I see you have Summer on SMA gold - thats what my bub is on too - but my sis in law who lives in the States advised me to try a different milk, SMA gold has been taken off the shelves in the USA, not sure why? But she suggested we try Actamil which her bub is on. We tried it but he didn't like it so we switched back to the SMA gold. But the way she explained it was like this "when guys go to the pub, they don't all go for the same drink. They may order a round of beers but some with have Tennants, some will have Fosters, etc. Everyone's taste is different." So may be worth a try? You can buy the little cartons so you can have a little try out before buying the whole tin?
    Just thought it may be worth a try. Big hugs xxx
    By the way for the record I think your mum was a little harsh. Age doesn't matter in the slightest. I'm 31 and I still find the whole newborn thing a complete brain f**k!
     
  15. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    Millions of women suffer from Postnatal Depression and all of them suffer from overtiredness and weepiness, I'm sure, especially if their baby isn't sleeping. I'm 100% sure they won't take your baby from you they'll just want to help you find some ways to get some sleep.
     
  16. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    you are right to complain about her kayl, she should be there to offer her support and advice with things you are struggling with not say that she hasnt got the time, thats not what you need to hear when your feeling so low. hopefully youll get a new HV who is better at her job!!
     
  17. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear things are bad, i can't believe what your mum said to you, she must realised how hard it is.
    I'm finding things hard and i have a partner.
    Sleep deprivation can will make you feel irrational, but please don't think about adoption you know you love her deep down.
    But get help go to your doctors, is there a mum and baby club or breast feeding support group near you? (doesn't matter if your not breast feeding) it helps so much to talk to other people and get out of the house.
    have you tried taking her for a walk in the pram or out in the car, or turing the hoover on, or try a de tuned radio, - white noise can help calm a baby.
    even a ticking clock in her room,any thing to mimic the womb to make her feel secure.
    I don't think you can spoil a baby at this age, they don't understand, they cry cos they are lonely, cold...etc
    she may be picking up that you are stressed and that could unsettle her. try to stay calm i know its hard, i've felt so close to shaking my baby but i haven't thank god. some times you just have to leave them to cry.

    My boy is a week older than yours and is taking approx 4+ oz at a feed may be she isn't taking in enough milk at a feed so she is hungry, so cries... does she fall asleep at the bottle?

    wish i could be of more help.
    thoughts are with you.
     

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