Some advice

[Sarah L]

My husband and I have been TTC for four months now and I know its not long, but I'm starting to become stressed that its never going to happen. I have a 2 yr old son and have had a previous miscarriage, so know that I can get pregnant, but I'm worried that because I'm older now (34), there's something wrong.
To make things more stressful, my hubby often refuses to 'make babies' because he is too tired and he said last month that he finds it a turn off as I'm so obsessed. He has said he wants another child, but is prepared to just let it happen eventually, whereas I just want to be pregnant now. I know I'm being irrational, but I just find I'm becoming more and more resentful towards him and I'm becoming very stressed about the whole thing. I just don't know who is right or wrong in this - what should I do? All my other friends are ttc, and their partners are delighted that their wives are demanding more sex - which makes me wonder what is wrong with our relationship.
Can anyone give me any advice about how to handle this?

 

[Kim]

Hi Sarah

I am in exactly the same boat as you. Your post was like reading my own words!! I dont have any children of my own (my partner has 3 from a previous marriage) and we argue all the time because he says I'm 'obsessed'. He sometimes cant perform because he says he's under too much pressure, but I know how important it is to get the timing right. We have been trying for 4 months too.

Kim xx

 

[Sarah L]

Hi Kim,

Its good to know that there's someone else in the same position as me, though I'm sorry you're having a hard time too.
I seem to be living on a month to month basis at the moment and all I can think about is getting pregnant and I know its getting abit out of control.
It just makes me so annoyed with my husband, as he can see how upset I am, so why doesn't he support me in this. On a really bad day, I feel like leaving him as surely someone who loves me wouldn't want to hurt me like this. Also, I just feel so rejected, especially as I said before, alot of my friends husbands are glad that there wives are demanding more sex - it makes me think "what's wrong with me".

 

[Kim]

Hi

I know exactly what you mean and I feel exactly the same. Helps to know its not just you though. I think men just dont appreciate how much emotional energy it takes for us, and how important it is, especially if they already have kids. My partner keeps saying, it will happen when it happens, but he's not the one who's body is going through it all, getting AF every month, hormones, PMT, and eventually, pregnancy. Anyhow, I dont want it to happen when it happens, I want it to happen now!! I really feel for you because I know how you feel and often think my partner just doesnt fancy me or want a baby with me...

Kim xx

 

[Sarah L]

Do you and your partner talk about the situation, has he said that he does want more children? Whenever I raise the subject with my husband we just end up having an argument, so we just tend to sweep the subject under the carpet. We were supposed to be going out tonight for a meal and I was hoping to have a heart to heart with him, but our babysitter let us down. When we're at home, we don't tend to talk as much as when we are out. Have you tried booking romantic weekends away? When we were trying for our first baby I used to make sure that we had something nice planned and then way, hubby was much more relaxed.
I know its probably silly, but I'm really worried that I'm getting too old to have another child, I'm 34, but have heard that fertility starts to decline rapidly when you get to 35, which is another reason I want to try harder now, that and the fact that if you've had one miscarriage, then you're more likely to have another.
Sx

 

[Kim]

Hi

My partner insist he wants a child as much as I do. We can talk about it - when he wants to... I also find that we can talk more when we are out as there are less distractions, but we don't get away for weekends very often because of his other kids. I'm only 23 but my partner is 39 and I worry about his biological clock ticking...
Also he doesnt want to be an 'old' dad. I know he wants this but he doesnt think about it all the time like me. He said he will show his support when I am pregnant, but it's now that I need it.


Kim xx

 

[Kim]

Oh and by the way, you're not too old. My mum had me at 34!!

 

[Sarah L]

Hi Kim,

23 is so young, at least you are starting early so you have plenty of time left - you'll end up with 20 kids at this rate!! 39 is not old for a man to have a baby - Charlie Chaplin fathered a child when he was in his 80's I think. I don't think their biological clock ticks quite like ours does.
Sx

 

[Kim]

Just one would be fine!!

 

[kellysomer]

Hello to the two of you.

TTC is so frustrating isnt it?!

I recently went to my docs and discussed the male 'biological clock' and she assured me that they practically dont have one and it is possible to father a child in their 80's (although really to old to play piggy back rides with the kids) so dont worry about that at all!

Good luck with your BFP's my OF is so scatterbrained i have to rely on sheer luck and lots of BD'ing!!!! Thats the depo jab for you tho!

Good luck to you both!