Single with a newborn

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by HungryHeart, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. HungryHeart

    HungryHeart Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,

    I'm not in a good place right now.

    it's such a long story, but when I was pregnant I found out that my partner had been seeing somebody else the whole time he had been seeing me. He was torn between the two of us. He always said that he would be there 100% for me and our child once he arrived.

    Since the birth (12 weeks ago), he has moved further and further away and I am left as the sole carer all the time. It's as if he doesn't even think there is anything wrong in that. He says he loves us and he cares for us, but he doesn't seem to have any time for us.

    Tonight I told him I needed his help, he told me he had no petrol to get to my house. Now he's blatently lying about where he is and has switched his phone off. I'm actually feeling desperate with grief about it all and struggling to cope. I can only imagine that despite him having no petrol to come and see his son, he has actually gone to see this other woman. I am shocked by all of this. How can he be like this?

    I still haven't told my family about it all and they think we are still together.

    I just don't know what to do. I want him out of my life but he won't go away. I still love him, but he has shown such disgusting behaviours and it's clear he isn't there for us at all :-(.

    How do you get over something like this??

    Anybody got any wisdom to share?
     
  2. Frankie_Lou

    Frankie_Lou Well-Known Member

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    Hi Hun, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to some family members or friends. Tell them the situation, I'm sure they'd want to be able to help and support you.
    As for the father I'm afraid you can't force him to do the right thing, he's just a knob in my opinion, sorry lol.

    I've not been very useful at all but I hope you get the support you deserve from somewhere x
     
  3. HopesDreams

    HopesDreams Well-Known Member

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    It sounds so silly but you do just get over it eventually. Like everything it takes time to heal. You'll begin to see him & his actions in a different light. It won't hurt as much, it will just tick you off that your child isn't getting the time they deserve. Definitely talk to family though, you need the support. xxxx
     
  4. HungryHeart

    HungryHeart Well-Known Member

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    Thanks both, it's good to hear that it won't feel like this forever. I hate him for making what should be a magical time, a time I'm going to look back on with sadness.

    His behaviour has been shocking. I can't understand how someone that you cared about and loved so much can turn around and act like they and your child are nothing.

    I can't believe I've been left to do it all on my own. I really hope I can heal soon, because this is hard work.
     
  5. Anna456

    Anna456 Well-Known Member

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    Hi,
    Firstly I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, I cant believe the way he's acting and treating you - its absolutley appalling!
    I know it must hurt like hell right now and as much as you sometimes feel hate and disgust towards him I imagine you also must miss him terribly. The other ladies are right - you will not feel this way forever and you have your beautiful little one to keep you going! It sounds like this guy wants to have his cake and eat it and its so not on. Please do talk to you family and friends - they will be able to give you strngth and support through this to you and your little one may I ask what has stopped you from telling them until now?
    I know its also confusing how someone can treat another person that way - and you may never know as he sounds like a coward to me and will not face up to what he has done. One day (I promise) you will look back on this and the pain will not be as bad at all and you will see him for what he truly is!
    I hope you're ok and I'm here to chat if you want
    sending you hugs xxx
     
  6. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    So sorry hun, agree with the other girls, you and your lo will come through this with time. It does take time to heal but lo will help with gorgeous smiles and love :hugs: x
     
  7. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be BUT you have to nip this in the bud.

    This man isn't just a cheat, he is a coward too and by you pretending all is OK you are (to an extent) letting him get away with the terrible behaviour.

    I suggest that you tell your family and friends - and his family and friends if applicable - they will understand and be able to offer you the love and support you need.

    By living a lie you are letting this man hurt you and in turn hurt your baby.

    Make today a fresh start and take a stand. Also be honest with the people around you

    Best of luck

    xxxxxxx
     
  8. athenamarie

    athenamarie Well-Known Member

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    Hey i totally feel for u im in the same situation but perhaps worst its not a nice feeling at all but in ur case i would just focus on ur little one and ur urself and i think u should tell ur family they would appreciate the truth. Be strong for ur little one xxxx
     
  9. vampybear

    vampybear Well-Known Member

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    i know how hard it is- my ex left when my son was 6 wks old, and it has been SO HARD. I am now back at work and struggling with not seein my boy and the guilt of my family having to try help me look after him while i work, coz his dad pays NOTHING towards him.

    I still cry some nights about it, and it has been over a year since he left, but to be honest, my focus is on my boy and making the best out of a bad situation.

    Tell your family so they can help you, coz believe you me, single parenthood is isolating enough without that!

    I feel lonely every night when he is in bed but this will all change- one day i will have energy to go out and start seeing men hopefully and make some friends, but right now i just focus on making ends meat, and i write my blog in the eves as a way to vent my pain and vent general parenting woes!

    Talk to us all, use us for support too- i didnt talk to people and im realising now that I really should start opening up as i get quite angry over stupid things and i think its coz i dont let my feelings out about what has happened....
     
  10. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    100% agree with Nat & the girls.

    Why haven't you told them ? I'm guessing your holding out that you may get back together. Slap my wrist if wrong but just how it seems that u don't want your family to not like him for some reason.

    Its easier said than done but, you need to chat to someone. Caring for a new baby is tough. It was tough for me and J was a doddle.

    Your ex is an asshole. Try limiting contact when only to do with your son and try not to get into arguments over where he is when he's lying because if it upsets you, your the one trying to care for a baby all angry and upset.

    Hope this sorts out for u sweets xxxxx
     
  11. HopesDreams

    HopesDreams Well-Known Member

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    HH, how are things now?
     

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