*sigh* :(

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by Em91, Jan 26, 2012.

  1. Em91

    Em91 Well-Known Member

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    Hi, hope you and your LO's are all okay :)

    Had a midwife appt today (my 2nd one) and she comes out with, by the way you know how you had mental health problems, it means i have to refer to social services, 'had' being the operative word i was a mixed up kid who has been stable for a long time. Now my past is going to haunt me 5 years later and affect my baby, i know social services arn't all bad, i work alongside them every day at work. We have a lot of children on the at risk register at work. They have parents who are drug addicts, some of them are neglected and abused. Somehow i'm being put into that, the stigma... Another thing for goodness sake i spend all day every day looking after other peoples children, supervising at that. But there's doubt i'm capable of caring for my own child because i self harmed when i was 15!! Sorry for the massive rant it's just upset me. I get that i just have to be 'assesed' and prove i'm capable but i don't feel as though i should have to. Does that make sense?

    My OH's family still don't seem to be coming to terms with the fact i'm pregnant, well is say his family, it's the mother in law. She keeps telling us we're wasting our lives, she saw our scan photo and from what i gather went on a rant about money & how she'd have to tell her mum now... she's known since before xmas. I thought she might have got her head around it by now, this baby is coming whether she's happy or not. So she told her mum who also agreed that we were wasting our lives and we were to young. I get that yes we're not married and we don't own a house. But we both work in full time pretty well paid jobs, we rent a house, we've been together for 3 years and we're 20-21!!... we're hardly in the worst situation are we?! Surely being young and not married doesnt meant we will fail at being parents?! My family have been amazing they're all so supportive. They understand it's tough because i don't have a mum to turn to which i think most pregnant women do but they're being brilliant yes they were shocked and a little bit worried but after us explaining we're fine and seeing the scan picture. They melted and they're over the moon, just wish my OH's family could support him & us. Has anybody elses family reacted badly?

    Sorry again for the massive rant, you're all so understanding and have helped me out so much. Kinda need a bit of reassurance (again i know) you'll be glad to see the back of me on sat when i move to tri 2!!:roll:
     
  2. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

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    Didn't want to read and run. I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant and I was terrified of telling my family. Luckily for me most of them were happy for me but my nan said 'thanks for telling me' :| I was very put out by that but she really came round to it and she was one of the first people to come visit us when we came home!


     
  3. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    Hey Em, try not to feel too down. Your past is your past and it seems like you've moved on successfully from that. Social Services will quickly realise that when they meet you. I'm sure you'll breeze it.

    Everyone has git stuff that they're not proud of, but how we act here and now is the only way we have to put right some of those things in the past. Easy for me to say because I'm not living your life, but don't fret. The very fact that you have a job, pay rent and live a stable life now is great and Social Services won't be interested in you any further.

    As for the MIL, just smile and ignore any unhelpful comments. Once she sees you LO she'll soon change her tune.

    You are both adults and doing well for yourselves from what you describe, try not to let her comments bother you.

    see you in tri 2 soon :) xx
     
  4. Karate Kid

    Karate Kid Well-Known Member

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    I echo what first baby said, when social services see how you are doing now they will soon realise that you are more than capable. I ave been battling an eating disorder for years I am over the biggest hurdles now but it still hunts me and the midwife said she may have to refer me. It did worry me a bit but I am stronger than I have ever been and I put that down to meeting the right person.

    As for your age, it's a number. I'm 24 I told a few people at work yesterday that I was pregnant after our scan and soon it had spread round. I got the 'your so young' speech from the ladies and to be Frank it's nobody roses business. If you and your partner are ready that is all that matters.

    Your OHs mum well melt when her grandchild is in her arms xx
     
  5. jrm06

    jrm06 Well-Known Member

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    i went through a similar situation, im 20 and the OH is 21,
    when we told our parents they were worried about finances and living arragments
    we both have full time jobs, still living apart but in 6 months time we will have saved more than enough to move out and be a family.
    I know we are young but who cares? We are happy and blessed with a baby
    they will come around.
    Be happy and try not to worry :)
     
  6. netty

    netty Well-Known Member

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    thats so out of order, i suffer with bipolar and i was bad when i was young left home at 15 etc, use to be a drug addict / harmer and none told me i would be getting social involved when i was pregnant?! i think thats bad them saying that hun
     
  7. Cherry.Glitter

    Cherry.Glitter Well-Known Member

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    I'm nearly 23 and my Parents were over the moon! My OH is putting off telling his family (his Mum!) because of what she will say. I get on very well with his Mum but she can be a bit back-stabby. I have a whole speech prepared for if she tells us we are silly etc... wanna hear it?

    "Go and f*** yourself"

    This may seem harsh but who is anyone to judge and put you down? I will blame pregnancy hormones (god I love pulling this card!!)

    I used to work with social services. The view is that no matter what, they will strive to keep a child with their families. You will find that the MW said this so that social services can offer you further support should you need/choose to take it as depression is so common in pregnancy, especially if you have previous. Please don't worry - people think the worst when they hear "social services" but they really are only there to help. :hugs:
     
  8. Happyred

    Happyred Well-Known Member

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    Completely agree with what the others have said here. Im a mental health nurse, and work alongside social work every day and they really are there to offer support if you need it. Try to see it as a positive thing rather than a negative. As for your MIL i had a similar experience when i had my first daughter. I was 22 and both my family and my partners family were angry and completely unsupportive of us. However as my pregnancy progressed they calmed down and once my daughter was born they couldnt get enough of her! If anything I was wishing they still werent talking to me so I could get some peace from them, lol! Having my daughter at that age really was the best thing I ever did, I never felt too young, I coped as well as any older parent and Im proud to say my daughter has turned out to be a lovely, intelligent,happy child! As long as you have confidence in yourself you will be absolutely fine, good luck!
     
  9. babyem

    babyem Well-Known Member

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    I can understand why your worried/upset, but personally I think it's good that they want to make sure you have this support in place early on as unfortunately, there are people with mental health issues (past and present) who may not be as capable of being a good parent or find that they need extra support at some stage. Mental health problems are very complex, and as such this sort of thing must be in place, but please dont take it as a personal attack towards you :) I'm sure you will be fab!

    As for your age and family issues, I completely sympathise and understand. I still havent told my family, and I am dreading it. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them when it happens lol. My in laws are over the moon, but I know my family wont be, and have made it clear before now that that would be the case.

    If you need to chat, just pm me, happy to listen :) xx
     
  10. Em91

    Em91 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all so so much, really reassured me. I know social services isn't something to worry about like i say i work with them all the time it just really shocked me hearing it i think.

    As for the MIL. My OH came round today and apparently they had a massive row last night, but he stood up to her (which he's never done, he's a real mummys boy)... She was slagging him off saying he was wasting his life and he actually answered back and gave her all the ways he could be wasting his life proving this wasn't one of them. Feel better knowing he's sticking up for himself. I know once the baby comes they will probably all be happy and just except it. Roll on the next 6months in the meantime tho lol!

    Once again thanks for all your replys...

    Cherry.glitter. Lol!!! i would love to say that to mine, but would hate to upset them my life wouldn't be worth living :p x
     
  11. pregpixie76

    pregpixie76 Well-Known Member

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    i was upset to when i was told i was being refered to as snips mw ( one who deals with mental health drug and alcohol addiction) but apparently its standard to refer any woman with past or existing mental health problems.like u i auto thought the worst ( but then again i was told it was for help for my health problems and my fibromyalgia was mentioned ( not my mental health which i had to find out from the net so i was so angry and upset).i talked to the head mw and said i dont want refered to the snips midwife but will keep her in mind should i feel i need help.and she was ok with this,but it looks like the other mw has already contacted sw which has pissed me off a bit.if the sw here could afford to help in a practical way id accept the help but they dont have the money.
     

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