Sibling Guilt

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by entre, May 4, 2016.

  1. entre

    entre Well-Known Member

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    To those whom have one child already and pregnant with their second......

    I've recently been staring at my beautiful 4 year old daughter, feeling so guilty that she will only have my full attention for the next 7 month's until baby comes.

    I feel sorry for her, it makes me upset.

    I wanted a second child to give her company and a playmate. And I never wanted just one child anyway.

    Anyone else dealt with these types of feelings?
     
  2. KeelyT90

    KeelyT90 Well-Known Member

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    I think it's perfectly normal. However she's had 4 years of your undivided attention, which is more than what second baby will get. Second baby will always be behind 4/5 years...... Think of it that way.
    I worry when mines born that my 2 year old will become very jealous but at least with a 4 year old she will want to be involved and do what you do, help with feeds and bath times. She will mother him I bet x
     
  3. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    DD was 20 months when DS was born. She accepted him as part of the family right away. After only a few days old she asked where he was every time he was taking a nap or in another room. There are times when I feel bad for not giving her more attention but the company they give eachother already makes up for that. I also I think it does LOs good to realise that the whole world doesnt just revolve around them. It can teach them a lot of valuable lessons like waiting their turn and sharing which will make life better for them in the long run.
     
  4. Cherrybelly

    Cherrybelly Well-Known Member

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    My lg will be 2years and 4months when this one is born. Sometimes I feel bad, but the main reason I'm doing this is to give her a playmate. When I had a mc in Dec I felt sooo guilty that I couldn't give her a sibling. I think as mummies we feel bad no matter what we do. It'll be hard with two, but totally worth it when they play together. I see siblings playing at the park or wherever at the minute and I feel so excited that my lg will have that. Xxxx
     
  5. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I feel this way my little boy will be 3 1/2 when baby is born he will be starting nursery school a few weeks before so there will be a lot of changes for him coming up. I do worry how he will cope and could I possibly love another child as much as I love him, but I know I will and I know he will be ok
     
  6. entre

    entre Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all, it's harder to understand as I was an only child until I was 23 year old!

    I am mainly doing it for her.
    I just keep thinking, at least when we are old or gone, she will have someone .
     
  7. SoObsessed

    SoObsessed Well-Known Member

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    Totally understand your feelings. My daughter will have just turned 4 when this baby arrives. We spent much of those 4 years just the two of us until I met my OH.
    I worry she'll feel pushed out. I also love her so much (obviously) and can't believe I'll love another child as much as I love her.
    I'm so over the moon to be pregnant but at the same time scared sad and worried about my relationship with my amazing daughter. Its actually bringing tears to my eyes writing this down. I guess it's the first time I've been honest about it x
     
  8. babyslog

    babyslog Well-Known Member

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    I'll be 40wks with no2 tomorrow and i feel the same..

    Speah more than ever as I split with their dad Feb this year at 29wks.. So for the last 10/11wks hea got used to it just being me and him.
    Im trying to get him excited and he seems happy and excited to meet his baby brother. Just need to take each day as it comes when he arrives. Im going to invovle him as much as possible too! X
     
  9. Lander

    Lander Well-Known Member

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    Slightly different issue my end. DsS has always wanted a sibling and is not something his mum could do. I feel bad that he'll be ten when baby arrives, better late than never but it would have been good for him earlier on I think.

    In his words when we told him it's a boy 'I just always wanted an annoying little something' lol
     
  10. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    We have a lot of changes going on too. Jackson has just started a new preschool, then he will go to school from that one this year. Plus we are doing toilet training so not sure if the new baby will cause a relapse but I am sure we will manage just fine. I worry all the time (probably hormone related :lol:) I worry he will feel pushed out, or abandoned or the need to compete - but atm we are making changes so that OH and I are doing shots each of storytime etc so that when baby comes, he is used to seeing either me or his daddy on rotation and likewise with the new baby.

    I plan on doing sibling gifts but not sure what yet.

    xxxxx
     
  11. Selina13

    Selina13 Well-Known Member

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    I have just found out I'm pregnant and when baby arrives my beautiful boy will be 23mt old. I worry about the impact on him and how he won't get all of our attention but on the other hand I know he will have a sibling who share his nutty parents and in the long run it will be a bit of uncertainty and moments that you think 'what the hell have I done' but it will be so worth it. I was an only child and I still wish I had a sibling so I'm keeping hold of that, I'm giving a gift to my children that they hopefully won't be alone. X
     
  12. Mrs M

    Mrs M Well-Known Member

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    Look up a poem called Loving 2! It will have you in tears but it is so correct! I don't feel any guilt this time round (no 3), but 2nd time it was horrific!
     
  13. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    I think the things you're feeling are very normal!
    At least you're not me: I am worrying about how my cats are going to cope with a 'sibling'!
     
    #13 SiameseCatLady, May 8, 2016
    Last edited: May 8, 2016
  14. Amy0801

    Amy0801 Well-Known Member

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    Hiya
    Don't worry I am feeling the same..my daughter will be 7 years old when the baby arrives..we didn't want such a big age gap but that's how things turned out..even though this second baby is planned I was shocked when the test came back positive and I was so upset and didn't think I could go through with it..its only been the last 3 weeks or so that I have started to feel a bit excited..I too look at DD and worry how I will give her attention especially since she is autistic but for about 12 months at least she has been asking for a brother or sister and is contanstly saying "mummy when you have a baby..." I can't wait to see her reaction when we tell her! It's not going to be easy but I have told DF that we will each need to make time to do something with her either shopping, swimming etc and even have someone babysit the baby so we can take her out and it's just the 3 of us again. I'm sure when our babies arrive we will wonder why we ever felt this way :) xx
     
  15. Holi

    Holi Well-Known Member

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    I had all these feelings pre dd2!! There is 2yr8m between my girls and dd1 has taken to it brilliantly! Hardly any jealousy (don't get me wrong there is some!) and loves her little sis. The guilt I feel for dd1 has near enough gone!

    On the flip side I feel quiet a lot of guilt on dd2 now! She hardly ever has my undivided attention (expect 2 days a week when dd1 is in nursery) she is left to cry a lot more than dd1 ever was as I need to get things done and she's not cuddled half as much as dd1 was at her age cos I need to get on with chores/dd1!

    We feel guilty no matter what! It's crazy! X
     
  16. entre

    entre Well-Known Member

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    i finally told me DD last night, she was so excited!
    Saying she has toys for it and wants to buy new clothes for it, also she doesnt want to change a nappy!

    She has specifically requested a baby sister though, Will see about that one.... feeling slightly better!
     

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