Should I go or stay away?

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by mummywanabe, Jun 18, 2016.

  1. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    My cousins little baby was stillborn. she's having a wake for him at home and his funeral will be on Monday.
    I want to be there to support her but I'm obviously pregnant and don't want this to upset her also I'm not sure how I'm going to react, I cry at all funerals anyway but a babies one is going to be even harder, my mum has told me not to come but for my own stress, but feel like I should be there to pay my respects for this little boy who is so much loved and was so very wanted
     
  2. Rubyredslipper

    Rubyredslipper Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. My mom would tell me not to go too and I only have to walk past a funeral procession and I'm crying.
    It's a tough one, could you maybe write your cousin a letter explaining you are thinking of her and that you are there for her? I'm sure she would understand, you could offer to visit afterwards so it's just you and her so you have time to talk rather than in afamily setting?
     
  3. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    Oh that's a tough one. Sorry for your cousins loss.

    I think personally I'd go, it will be sad and prob will be a very emotional funeral but if it were me I'd want everyone there for support.

    I guess it depends if your close too.

    Its a personal decision I think it depends on how you think you'll be but if it gets too much you could leave or go to one or the other?

    I hope the wee baby gets the send of it deserves, wee angel.

    xxxxx
     
    #3 russellmuscle, Jun 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2016
  4. CharlieSmartie

    CharlieSmartie Well-Known Member

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    How well do you know your cousin? I'd either contact her myself and say that you would like to come but do not want to put her under any additional stress. (Or get your mum to ask her mum if it's inappropriate you going?)

    If I didn't go I would send her a bouquet of flowers and card.
     
  5. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    We're not super close but due to her pregnancy and now mine we've been in contact a lot, I just feel her little boy deserves to be shown how many of us love him and how much support she and her partner has at the same time I don't want to be standing there wailing
     
  6. Maaaaaac

    Maaaaaac Well-Known Member

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    Oh my gosh what a tough decision. I really dont even know how to answer. You need to look after yourself too it would be very heartbreaking and might add stress and anxiety to your own pregnancy. Awk how sad, i cant even imagine :( im no help sorry!
     
  7. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    I think like CharlieSmartie says maybe ask her or her mum if it would be too much for her you being there with a bump. She might not give you an honest answer of course but at least she would know you were not just being thoughtless about it. If you decided not to go a card and flowers or something are a good idea. I would even say you wanted to be there but you knew you would wail you eyes out and you thought it might be hard for her to see you there pregnant too. If you go maybe choose a loose flowy top which would make it lless obvious?
     
  8. Applecider

    Applecider Well-Known Member

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    That is a tough situation. So sad for their little baby and family. It depends on how close you are and your instinct on this one. hope your ok xx
     
    #8 Applecider, Jun 19, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2016
  9. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    I've decided not to go, my mum went to the wake this evening the baby is at home and mum described things to me and I broke down and I just think it's too much, I've been exhausted all day since , I'm just going to send her card and flowers I'm sure she will understand. Why I didn't go
     
  10. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like a good choice. If it was me I think I would find it hard to cope with too. That plus it might be hard on her to have you there it doesnt really make sense to put yourself through it.
     
  11. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    Im sure she will understand love. Its alot for some people to handle and especially being pregnant.

    xxxx
     

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