Should find out gender...? Thoughts!

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by SiameseCatLady, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hi all.
    I am 15+5 today and so 20 weeks scan not for a few weeks, but I am finding it so hard to decide as to whether or not we should find out whether we are blue or pink!
    Sounds crazy, but one of hardest things to think about so far.
    Before I got pregnant, I always thought I wouldn't find out, but my DH really wanted to. Then, he spoke to his friend and he said they didn't find out with first and won't with current baby and now he doesn't want to know anymore. Think he'd be alright if I decide I want to find out, but want to respect his views too.
    Just at this point, I have had a change of heart and I think I might want to find out.
    DH says if we find out we won't tell anyone, but I don't think I could keep it a secret if I found out, especially not from my parents or his.
    Arg. This shouldn't be so hard.
    Anyway, getting to the point, what are people's opinions and experiences?
    Has anyone not found out and regretted it or found out and regretted it? Or are you glad you didn't did?
    I think it's so hard because I had given up on becoming pregnant and it feels so unreal. Therefore, if I find out which sex, I might actually believe that it's all happening.
    Thanks in advance. Xx
     
    #1 SiameseCatLady, Mar 20, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  2. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2012
    Messages:
    5,086
    Likes Received:
    0
    The reason I wanted to know was that I've tried for 4 years with 5 losses along the way to finally be here again. I'd given up hope of ever falling again as it had been 17 months since my last loss. I'm now 42 and hubby is 10 yrs older than me at 52 so this will be our one and only baby (he has 3 from previous) and I wanted to know so that I could get everything gender appropriate because I don't need neutral stuff in case I use it for a second baby, if that makes sense lol
     
  3. Aragon

    Aragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2015
    Messages:
    715
    Likes Received:
    0
    I haven't got any experience as this is my first, but I know I want that "it's a boy/girl" moment at the birth, so don't want to find out.

    Having said that, it is really hard to plan and buy gender neutral stuff and I am always studying my 12 week scan photo to see if I can use skull or nub theory to work it out. I'm also a realist... so that magical experience at the birth that I have planned already, where we all find out the sex and everything goes to plan may not work out. i.e. may be complications etc. So I would say just go with what you feel is right. You may well bond earlier if you know the sex.

    My OH is keen to keep it a surprise so I think we'll be able to do it, but I know what you mean, this is a tough thing to decide!

    Good luck xx
     
    #3 Aragon, Mar 20, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  4. Petit Pois

    Petit Pois Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,133
    Likes Received:
    0
    We didn't find out with our daughter - honestly I loved not knowing! So exciting :) I had in my birth plan that I wanted DH to be the one to tell me what we had when they were born and it was such a lovely moment :love: if we are lucky enough to have another baby I would keep it a surprise again.

    I totally get why people want to find out though!

    It's really a personal decision. Difficult, but either way is good! :)
     
  5. Petit Pois

    Petit Pois Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,133
    Likes Received:
    0
    Aragon - I agree about it being difficult to find nice gender neutral stuff. In my case this was a good thing as it reigned in my spending lol
     
  6. TS1982

    TS1982 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2013
    Messages:
    3,746
    Likes Received:
    12
    I found out with both mine but regretted finding out second time so if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant next time I definitely won't be finding out xx
     
  7. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2012
    Messages:
    11,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    I found out with Jackson at 20w and he became Jackson from then on, so it really helped OH and I adjust and bond with a little boy with a name. I hated calling him it or he/she or baby for 5m! :lol:

    Im finding out again for the same reasons and because our 2 will share a room for a bit so I need all new furniture that will suit both gender and age and because I dont want a closet full of neutral stuff. Clothes shopping is hard enough with pinks and blues to always pick yellow or white :p Id quite like to prepare Jackson too, hes only 3 and although he knows hes a big brother soon hes not overly phased. I think if we take him to the gender scan itll be a lovely moment as well to get him fully prepared on whats joining us :)

    Its a very personal choice, I dunno if I had 1 of each my 3rd I might not find out, but I say that now Id prob change my mind, not on the gender - on having a 3rd after this one :p :lol:

    Oh and we kept it secret and will again, next time we are just saying we are team yellow because if people know that you know they hound you and wait for a slip up, gets annoying after a while so, we dont know for all purposes - except on PF.

    xxxx
     
    #7 russellmuscle, Mar 20, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  8. kittykitchn

    kittykitchn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2014
    Messages:
    2,628
    Likes Received:
    0
    No past baby experience, but we found out asap with a private scan at 16 weeks. I was having some bonding issues at the start of the pregnancy (which had pretty much dispersed by then mind you), but it made things so much more more and made me bond with her greatly. Being able to picture her in my head, think of names, buy clothes and decorate before hand. Perhaps if this wasn't my first and so long awaited, I would maybe keep it a secret. I can't imagine calling it "baby" for months though!
     
  9. Lander

    Lander Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    6,187
    Likes Received:
    2
    I wasn't sure about finding out or not at first. DH didn't with DsS so was keen to know this time around. The nearer we've gotten to the point of being able to find out though (15+4 today) the more I want to know.

    I am keen on having a girl, I think if it is a boy, I'd want the time to adjust before it arrives iykwim (I have some issues about having a boy and him being non-stop compared to DsS which would drive me nuts).

    There are also financial reasons for me, I will only have 90% of my normal pay for six weeks after birth and then SMP for nine months and then nothing unless I back to work at that point. I have disposable income right now (which I've been setting aside for baby) and I'd like to be able to stock up on some basics before I start losing pay etc.

    I do feel knowing what we're having will help with bonding and names etc as well though, so my pros have now out weighed the cons I think.

    Lxx
     
  10. fcroxy

    fcroxy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,490
    Likes Received:
    0
    We found out with my daughter, more OH who wanted to know, I was happy either way. It was nice to plan and buy things in advance but tbh we did spend too much, a lot of the clothes and stuff never got used either!

    This time we wanted to find out as thought it would be easier to organise, especially with a toddler already and already having everything we need for a girl. Baby had other ideas at our 20 week scan on Friday and had their legs crossed the whole time! We've spoke all weekend about paying privately but have decided to leave it as a surprise! I am excited for my OH to tell me at birth whether its a boy or girl and it'll also mean we wont be overspending before they are born. Still a bit of a shock that were team yellow but defo very excited about it now xx
     
  11. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    2,620
    Likes Received:
    56
    We found out as early as we could at 16 weeks. It was driving me nuts thinking about which it might be and I felt like I couldn't really imagine the baby being here, because I'd always imagine either a boy or a girl and then stop myself in case it was the other. We love knowing that he's a little boy and as I have an anterior placenta and don't feel him move much and hubby hasn't felt him at all, it has really helped with bonding xx
     
    #11 Unicorn, Mar 20, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  12. Redbootz

    Redbootz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    0
    We didnt want to know as we aren't into the whole gender specifics like must be pink or blue. Also we wanted the surprise and the moment that my Oh can announce its a boy or its a girl.And not knowing is extra motivation in labour and extra excitement in my opinion. I get if you are into wanting a pink or blue nursery to find out.
     
  13. RoisinC

    RoisinC Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    246
    Likes Received:
    0
    I didn't want to know this time but let's just say it was v apparent at one of my scans!! This is my 4th baby (3rd boy) and I've known the sex with all 3 boys but didn't know with my daughter. Everyone is different obviously - but I have to say I like knowing I think it helps to bond and prepare. Also I would have loved another daughter this time and would have hated to feel any disappointment at the birth so am glad I found out beforehand. When I had my daughter (the only one I didn't know with) I didn't even ask what she was after she was born, think I was just relieved she was out lol. Good luck with whatever you decide, it is hard xx
     
  14. Phoenix85

    Phoenix85 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm the same as Redbootz.

    I don't want to know in advance and I'm not at all bothered about colours, I've bought stuff in all colours, including pink, but mainly 'cos it has pictures on I like (like I got a 3 pack of vests, one is blue, the other two are different shades of pink, but they have cat appliques on them which is why I bought them). I'm happy to dress my baby in all colours regardless of their gender lol.

    I found out with my first baby, I wasn't going to with my second but from early on I had a strong feeling it was a boy, so by the time I had the 20 week scan I felt that I needed to know as I couldn't go the whole pregnancy believing it was a boy if it wasn't. Turned out I was wrong and she was a girl, so I was glad I had found out and had time to expect my girl & get used to that.

    But this time I don't mind what it is and have no strong feelings either way (although I keep picturing it being a girl). My friend is sure I'm having a boy.
    And all the old wives tails are completely mixed (half say girl, half say boy). So no clue.

    On top of that my eldest child wants a baby brother, my 2nd child wants a sister... so this way I avoid additional months of one of them sulking and the other gloating over getting their preference lol.
     
  15. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2015
    Messages:
    2,169
    Likes Received:
    239
    I didn't find out with my first two and won't with this one. I like the idea of meeting my baby all at once, not knowing bits and pieces before birth you know? There's less chance of gender disappointment if you meet the baby and know the sex at the same time cause then it's not "a boy" or "a girl" but THIS boy or THIS girl you are holding in your arms. It's magic.
     
  16. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2012
    Messages:
    11,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    I dont ever think Id ever be less excited or less motivated in labour just because I know whether Im having a boy or girl. Id be pushing to meet my baby for the first time, regardless of gender that is what the moment has been building to.

    Certainly didnt hold me back, Jackson was out 9 mins after being classed as 10cm. I knew he was a boy and each second closer to me meeting my boy I was buzzing, just to see his face. Buzzing to meet my baby boy that I had bonded with for 4m as a boy, with a name.

    I dont really understand where people come from with that one. A lady in the photoshop says "whats the point finding out gender all that pushing for nothing" as if Im gonna have the luxury when im labour to take my time or do it any different because I know what Im having. And some people really do think its against gods will to know. Tends to be older folk Ive come across thinking that.

    I dont think knowing makes it any less exciting if you ask me, but then as I says everyone is different :D and finding out gender if very personal. Because each choice you make adds to your birthing experience.

    xxxx
     
    #16 russellmuscle, Mar 20, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  17. naomi88

    naomi88 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2012
    Messages:
    5,948
    Likes Received:
    0
    With my dd we asked the sonographer to write down the gender which we sealed in an envelope, planning on opening it at a special moment later on in the pregnancy. The more time went on, the more I was convinced I didn't want to know and in the end we didn't open the envelope until after she arrived. It was the most amazing feeling having my OH tell me that she was a girl after birth and for that reason we are 100% staying team yellow again this time.

    It's definitely personal preference though and I think best to go with your gut instinct on the day! Xxx
     
  18. Cookie24

    Cookie24 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    0
    I found out with my first that she was a girl, with my second we found out that it was a girl then when I gave birth the baby turned out to be a boy!! The next day I had to swap all my pink clothes for blue lol. I am staying team yellow with this one as I would like the surprise after giving birth and with my last two I found both times so would be nice to wait with this one :)

    however it is totally up to you X x
     
    #18 Cookie24, Mar 21, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2016
  19. Holi

    Holi Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,997
    Likes Received:
    0
    I found out with my first and loved knowing I was having a little girl. We didn't tell anyone and it really didn't bother me! If I ever said she by accident I just either said 'just cos I think it's a girl' or made a conscious effort the accidentally say he too!

    This time I was really unsure whether to find out and in the end we didn't. I'm not going to lie I've HATED not knowing but now I'm nearly at finish line (37w) im really excited to meet the little person that has mummy and daddy completely divided on what they are!!! I'm happy I've experience both scenarios! X
     
  20. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    1
    This is my first and we found out privately at 16 weeks. I was desperate to know as I really didn't feel pregnant at all and found it hard believing I was. I still do hence why I do so much I shouldn't. However knowing we are having a girl is really nice. We can pick lots of girly clothes and I can call her a her instead of baby, tho I do sometimes as I think I'm still struggling a little to bond. Think its because I'm so scared it's going to go wrong so there I don't want to bond to much. That's a decusion for me to have with the mw tomorrow. Also all family members have been able to go out and buy her little boys which is really lovely.
    At the end of the day it's only you who can make that choice. I bet it's amazing to have your OH tell you what sex baby is but I'm just too impatient. I'd like to say I wouldn't like to know if I have more but I probably would.
    Who knows when you have your scan the choice might be made for you. Baby might hide or have its legs wide open so you can see everything!!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice