shared care, please any advice would be helpful

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by Jamie.d, Jan 6, 2018.

  1. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    So me and my ex partner share the care of our children 50/50 which is quite difficult because for half of the week I don't see them at all and have to BEG to face time them most days :(

    I went back to work and agreed he could have the benefits as he didn't enjoy working and was depressed :fib:

    what I didn't know what that this gave him rights as the primary carer!! how stupid I feel now...

    Anyway, my son (only 3yo!) is seriously ill...When I had them last week I had to take him to the urgent care centre as his breathing was erratic and he had a temp of almost 40!
    the next day dear daddy comes to collect them and all of a sudden 'he's fine'
    I knew this wasn't the case and my suspicions were confirmed when I get a text saying

    'he's puked outside preschool and he's coughing so hard his nose is bleeding'
    But wouldn't let me speak to them or take him to the doctor!

    He told me this morning that is happened again last night and this child has NEVER had a nosebleed! I'm absolutely terrified because he won't take him to the doctor but as it isn't my day I can't just burst into their house and take them... I face timed them this morning and he looks awful and even like hes dropped a little weight... I'm going out of my mind with worry
     
  2. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    I would burst into the house and take him. I'm sure that is within your rights in there is a medical issue that needs addressing and his dad isn't taking him to the doctors! Sounds a horrible situation :( xx
     
  3. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    I called 111 in the end because I was so worried... she said unless he agreed then there was no way.. I'm hoping he manages tonight and then I pick him up first thing tomorrow.. if he's not well then I'm keeping him until he's better �� Ugh this is so hard sometimes!
    I just cannot believe he was taking the poor child to preschool in this state!
    And last week when I took him back I was greeted by his grandparents who informed me (by text after they'd taken them) he was staying out that night instead of looking after his son who had spent the night before in hospital! I'd have kept him with me if I'd known thatGrrr I needed to rant sorry!!! Xx
     
  4. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    I hope all is okay today xx
     
  5. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    Thank you x he's so much better I'm getting booked into doctors for him tomorrow as I think his asthma is making it all worse... and to top it off his dad just drops on me that he's moving him and the kids 2 hours away!!! How can he even do that?!!
     
  6. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Wow what I didn't think he would be able to do that since you are meant to have him 50/50??! xx
     
  7. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    There is no court order and I've shot myself in the foot by saying he can claim benefits as I already had a private rental and didn't need them..(he was in a shared house and I stupidly felt bad for him!)
    He is now seen as the primary caree because they are financially dependent on him and not me, I can only get a court order if I pay and because I claim no benefits it's going to cost me a fortune :( the only option I have is to keep hold of them and make him take me to court to get them back! But I don't want to play games involving my children :(
     
  8. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    It's even worse because every time they go back to their dad they cry and tell me they want to stay with just mummy.. I feel so powerless this shouldn't be allowed all because he gets help form the council
     
  9. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    That's so unfair. How will you see them if moves so far away :(
     
  10. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    I don't know... I'd do anything to be with them!
    We have so far managed to avoid court and sort most things out between ourselves but I have booked a solicitors appointment for a couple weeks time so will have to try my best to stop him from going anywhere x
     
  11. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Yeah solicitors defo sounds a good idea now ! So sorry you have to deal with this xx

    Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk
     
  12. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, the kind words really do help!
    Just a waiting game now...But when the time comes I will fight with everything I have...
    All I can do for the meantime is screw the diet and stuff my face with biscuits. I think that's the next best plan of action x
     
  13. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Yes that defo sounds a good idea !Amd a glass of wine too!Hugs xxx
     
  14. KHTW

    KHTW Well-Known Member

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    Keep them with you. Let the ex take you to court. There is no way I'd force the kids to go to their dads is that makes them so unhappy. You can find a way, I am sure x
     
    #14 KHTW, Jan 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  15. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure if this would be seen by the court as irrational behavior as I'm not deprived of an contact with them, and to be honest he is a good dad, they just prefer staying with me which isn't highly unusual I guess..
    I have thought of doing this but will it just rock the boat more?
    Or bite me in the bum later? It isn't their fault they're just babies and I'd hate for them to be dragged into our mess :(
     
  16. KHTW

    KHTW Well-Known Member

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    I don't know your situation so I can't really say much but to me it comes down to asking yourself 'Do I want to be the kid's primary carer?' If you say yes then ask yourself 'how can I achieve that?' and go find out. If given your circumstances you find out you can't achieve it, at least you tried. But if you find that you can, then do all there is to be done to get your kids back full time. That's it. I wish you luck x
     
    #16 KHTW, Jan 18, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2018
  17. Jamie.d

    Jamie.d Well-Known Member

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    yes, I will do everything in my power...the main issue is that I didn't do my research and ultimately didn't realize I was relinquishing any of my rights...technically we still have 50% each parental responsibility but as he claims for them they see him as the financial dependent (mad!)
    I was wrong to trust him...he really did gain my trust in the most horrific way claiming to want to 'co-parent' when actually all he wanted and still does is revenge for me leaving.
    I try to remain civil and so calm with him but sometimes it makes it worse as he just ups his game to get to me..

    I have a few messages from him on my phone stating he no longer claims anything as he's working too much but in the same sentence says
    'don't even think about claiming it because I'll tell everyone you were a dirty stripper, and I bet you didn't pay your taxes!'
    like the thought of paying back a wee but of tax would put me off getting full custody of my kids! I have phoned the tax office just awaiting their investigation.
     

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