Sex!

[DanniiM85]

Hi,

I am 15+6 with my first baby.

Due to a slight bleed very early in the pregnancy I was advised to not have sex until we got the all clear from my first scan.

Since then all has been fine and I haven't been told otherwise.

Anyhoo, my partner basically wont touch me with a barge pole and I'm getting seriously down in the dumps about it.

He says he feels very uncomfortable about 'encroaching on baby territory' and doing more harm than good.

I've made him aware that I don't expect him f**k the hell out of me, just to have some intimacy (last time was November not long after we first found out)

I'm fed up pleasing him and getting very very little in return!

Has anyone had this problem with their partner, and how do you overcome it?

Sorry if this post offends any body, I just need some friendly advice!

Thanks

Dannii

 

[kittykitchn]

I haven't had an orgasm with my partner for 6 months
We've had sex 3 times, and I've... given a few times without anything in return. He certainly isn't a selfish lover, so it is out of the norm. He just says he's not in the mood - obviously I think it's to do with how I look now...

 

[andreatav]

See I've had the opposite, my partner wants it more and more and I aren't interested at all. But I've become self conscious due to all the changes I'm going through. We do, do other things just not intercourse and I don't mind that. Xx

 

[love87]

Aww hun, it must be so frustrating! I don't get it as often as I'd like to be honest, last few weeks i have been very horny (sorry TMI) hubby works long hours so is usually tired when he gets in and even I get frustrated. Have you expressed your needs? It's not going to do baby any harm as you have gotten the all clear to go ahead. Baby also doesn't know what's going on. I think you need to have a serious chat. It's not fair that you have to do all the work and getting nothing in return. Hope all goes well hun. X

 

[DanniiM85]

Hi,

Thank you for your replies!

We have discussed it, and I understand he is worrying about hurting me or the baby.

I have been very sick (all day sickness/aches.tiredness) with the pregnancy, so maybe that isn't helping but he really looks after me, running around after me, insists I nap, runs me baths and makes me feel special in other ways apart from the intimate side

Its my wax night tonight (£40) a time, and I'm considering not bothering at all from now on, especially if he still feels the same way.

We do have a very honest relationship and do speak openly but maybe I should come from a different angle and express my concerns about it.

I dont want to wait another 5 months for some loving!

IM SO SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!

Dannii

 

[Blueclass]

My OH wants it all time! Me I don't want it at all and iv not given him anything coz I'm not in the mood guess I'm a little selfish like that haha. We have had sex a few times and the thought of it is worse than doing the deed and i'm ok once I get into it but I just can't be arsed at all.
Maybe if he doesn't want to give you anything and your frustrated don't give it to him. Make him feel how you feel.

 

[YorksLass]

Is a tricky one, we haven't done much for months, as I haven't really been in the mood due to lack of sleep and he hasn't been asking. Then last weekend he told me he really wanted to, but was worried about making my pgp worse, bless 'im, or doing the baby harm. I'm similar though in that I feel that if we're going to do stuff, it should be for both of us, not just him! Might make the effort to create some mood this weekend with candles and all that stuff. I tell ya what, one thing that really seems to get him going is putting cocoa butter or bio oil on my belly n boobs lol (plus going from an a to a d cup has made quite the impression)

 

[russellmuscle]

At the very start I want feeling upto it, especially after doing SMEP for a cycle and working fulltime and chasing after a toddler but ofcourse OH was loving being on the roll we had a few weeks break after the BFP and since have been doing once per week.

Only because I think its important to keep the intimacy and not make him feel like hes been used for me to get pregnant then pushed aside. Of course there are more things than just sex for keeping up intimacy, but thats my personal choice we always do TV/cuddle time etc at night anyway, so sex does make the diff for us.

Only now I think that hormones are settling Im actually thinking about it more etc. So hopefully once I get into my second trimester (heat period) we will have some good fun. OH is looking forward to the second trimester. This pregnancy has been so different sex drive wise. I was all up for it constantly before, but before I worked part time and had no children? so not sure if thats a factor.

I think perhaps a review and confirmation from medics to say it is safe now for you may help. Sometimes men go one way or the other, put off sex or constant sex. Im quite lucky that OH loves me preggers. I tend to be quite self conscious so him paying extra attention Im quite enjoying actually.

xxxx

 

[love87]

Is tri2 really known as heat period? Because if it is, it has been true in my case.

 

[russellmuscle]

Yes as far as I hear lol never googled the official name.

I think usually once hormones settle you seem more up for it.

Second tri for me last time I was constant even right into 3rd trimester. Last time being a day before induction..

Some of it was evacuation techniques from going overdue by 2weeks lol.

xxxx

 

[DanniiM85]

We finally had sex on Saturday (HURRAH!) although I can only really class it as 'tip sex' but it was still good.

He felt awful afterwards, asking if he hurt me, went too deep etc. But im happy to take what I can get at the moment!

I'm just in to the second trimester and my partner has noticed a MASSIVE change in me!

He says he 'has his Dannii back!'

I have always wanted sex, not scared to initiate it at all, but the past few months I can admit to being a cranky tired so and so!

He's more that happy to play with my new boobs and gets incredibly excited about them but thats about it!

I hope it continues and I get the tip again!

Dannii xx

 

[MrsRoger]

Hello,

I have had to have this conversation with my mister also, we are both up for the nookie but he can get a bit carried away so had to just go with it and communicate what feels good and what doesn't, when is has to be more gentle, also, toys are a great way to get intimate as you are exploring each other, so maybe suggest that too?

I did have to show my OH a diagram of the difference between the vagina and the womb to convince him that he isn't going to do any harm and we have been totally fine every since, except the no boob touching rule, they are still to tender!!

Keep at it and he will eventually relax xxxx

 

[DanniiM85]

Haha!

I had to do the same MrsRoger! Its as if he thought the baby was growing up in my vagina!

Bless, men are silly sometimes!

Its difficult as we don't currently live together (unexpected pregnancy) so I see him as and when I can, and when I do, that's when I want it!

Maybe it'll change for the better when I move in in a few months time! If not, ill just take what I can get!

Dannii xx