Sex drive

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Anna.Femm, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. Anna.Femm

    Anna.Femm Well-Known Member

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    My partner is very disappointed with me because my sex drive has decreased dramatically since we had our son. Of course sex is not allowed for a while after birth, and then I was nursing until LO was 10 months, and I don't think the nursing hormones help either. However, now it's almost another 10 months since I stopped nursing and I still have very little interest for sex.

    We've had some issues with our relationship, but even when everything is well, even when I'm happy and want to be with my OH, I still feel not interested in having sex, like I'd rather go without and just cuddle or talk. I don't like it and I've been wondering if this is normal or if I'm going in some sort of early menopause (I'm 31 years old), although everything else is working very well.

    I guess this is a bit of a awkward topic, but does anyone have similar experience? Do you know if this is normal or if it gets better?
     
  2. Holi

    Holi Well-Known Member

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    Have you change birth control?? Since stopping bf I'm on the mini pill (foray time I've been on this type) and I can tell a massive difference!! I never want to have sex and I'm really having to force myself! I think it might be the pill but going to speak to docs about it. Also I don't have a fantastic body image since dd2 so that's probably not helping! I just don't want to be touched! Even foreplay makes me cringe and I'm just egging oh to crack on and 'do what he needs to do' - how romantic!

    Trust me your not alone and hopefully this won't last forever for either of us! X
     
  3. kitten2014

    kitten2014 Well-Known Member

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    Wow I could have written this, same for me, I actually had a strong sex drive before dd1 and was the one working to get some lol, but after her arrival (I alsao went on minipill for a while but it messed up my periods so as soon as stopped expressing (3mths) I went back to same one Id been using for yrs...I agree body changes dont help and I find it hard to exercise around a demanding active mobile toddler now, I also have found that I am 'getting on with it' and thinking of the next job to do around the house lol...We are happy in our relationship and have no intimacy issues but just dont feel the same (my subconscious thinks otherwise with some of the dreams Im having) but I always feel that we are rushing it or by the time we get around to it I am too tired and ready for bed...hubby understands this but doesnt like scheduling time in as he was always the spontaneous kind but spontaneity and kids really dont go lol...

    tbh we both do individual time to 'be satisfied' iykmim, but actual making love has become very irregular...it suits me fine as have a busy life now with home and LO but also curious to c what other ppl think...we have had one night out together with grandma babysitting and it was nice having 'us time' but I seem to prefer and value that more than actual intimacy atm...
     
  4. Anna.Femm

    Anna.Femm Well-Known Member

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    Same here, kitten2014, I much prefer intimacy to sex, and it's very weird because before my son, my sex drive was through the roof! I can accept the change but my OH doesn't seem to understand... And I hate saying no to him over and over again. He's a bit of a teenager when it comes to sex and I don't want him to get disappointed and desperate.

    Glad to know I'm not alone in this though. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me or with our relationship.
     
  5. kitten2014

    kitten2014 Well-Known Member

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    I think its the becoming a mum thing, I just dont feel like a teenager any more and feel like Im never off duty so dont let my guard down when faced with intimacy as a result, I dont enjoy it the same...dont think anything will change that til she is at school tbh but yeah I get what you mean...
     
  6. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    We always joke that we are a quality over quantity couple now, so one - at a push 2 - times a week. Having babies massively change things and it's completely normal. Maybe have a chat with OH about how you feel. And remember, it's not forever x


     
  7. northerngirl

    northerngirl Well-Known Member

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    I thought it was my medication giving me low sex drive but I'm really not sure! We can easily go 2 months without anything as I just cannot be bothered. I have no desire to at all and doing it just seems like a chore as I'm just so knackered all the time.
    It's definitely putting a strain on the relationship but I just don't know what to do about it as sex just does not interest me since having Felix!
     
  8. kitten2014

    kitten2014 Well-Known Member

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    ditto northerngirl, I feel the same way, its just far down on list of priorities, dont get me wrong cuddles, kisses are up there but tbh we only barely get time for a catch up chat at end of the day and I am already mentally preparing for wake up the next day so I may as well be asleep as my mind has switched off lol...I dont feel it puts a strain on it as we talk about it and he understands how tired I get (tbh its the stamina and the awkward positions you get into/ have to have a hand/finger for everything plus the child scneario that tires me and makes me feel knackered, using muscles I very rarely use so tbh I look forward to warm baths and relaxing in bed asleep more...) and I make sure he is satisfied IYKWIM but other than that well I think its been two months since we last DTD...
     
  9. Rooster30

    Rooster30 Well-Known Member

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    I haven't read the posts but I also have had no sex drive whatsoever since I was pregnant with my son. It is really dragging things down. I just don't have the energy or inclination for it and I feel rubbish for my OH. I have GP appointment next week as I need to talk about my anxiety issues so going to mention this too as it can't go on.
     
  10. kitten2014

    kitten2014 Well-Known Member

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    Hi rooster, its good to hear others with similar age babies having same issues, it just doesnt rate highly anymore compared to like things your lil one does, organising breakfast/lunch/tea snacks etc etc....
     
  11. Selina13

    Selina13 Well-Known Member

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    I feel the same as you 15 months after having my little boy. To be honest I think with sex drive you use it or lose it, you get stuck in a rut and have little desire for it when it's not been on the agenda for a while.
    Xxx
     

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