Sex after birth

Discussion in 'Postnatal Questions' started by Lucie12344, Oct 14, 2020.

  1. Lucie12344

    Lucie12344 Well-Known Member

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    Hey ladies, so last night OH and I tried to have sex for the first time since little one arrived 16 weeks ago... well it was awful! We used lube a couldn’t get it in without!! And as soon as he was in I had immense pain that made me feel sick! We tried a couple of times but each time he put it in the pain was unbearable and honestly thought I was going to vomit. I have a fairly good pain threshold so to make me feel like that it must be really bad!

    my little girl did do a lot of damage down there, she flew in to the world back to back, I had midwife’s putting pressure on the tears to try and stop the profuse bleeding and the Dr was down there sewing me up for about 40 mins.

    sorry probably TMI, but is this normal? Should I be feeling immense pain during sex after 16 weeks?? Xx
     
  2. EmilyMaria

    EmilyMaria Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes your pelvic floor muscles can become too tight which can cause pain during sex. Sounds like the scar tissue from your repair could be sensitive or you could have tightness around the repair.

    If you experienced trauma you may not have been able to relax your muscles during the act and may have been tightening your pelvic floor in anticipation as well causing pain.

    It might be a good idea to have your doctor check and confirm you are healing as expected. A pelvic floor specialised physiotherapist can also assist you to work on your pelvic floor and optimise your healing and recovery.

    Painful sex is very common after pregnancy (or even before pregnancy) and it can be treated.
     
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  3. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    I think @EmilyMaria has given great advice!
    I was also scared the first time after birth. We did it 6 weeks pp and I was drier than the Sahara down there lol
    It will stay dry down there until you stop breastfeeding or until your cycle starts again.
    I don't think the extreme pain is normal though.x
     
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  4. WinterWolf

    WinterWolf Well-Known Member

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    It takes a full year for your body to recover from birth, so 16 weeks isn’t very long. I found sex painful for the first year postpartum. It was really bad the first time but got gradually better each time after that. Have your doctor check it out to make sure there’s nothing weird going on, but it might just be a case of waiting it out x
     
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  5. Lucie12344

    Lucie12344 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone, I’ve got my smear next week so going to speak to the nurse and possibly book in with my GP depending on what she advises! I thought there was something wrong with me as all my friends were able to have sex at 6-8 weeks after! We only managed the tip then had to stop haha! She did leave me with a hanging flap of skin so I think she’s just caused excessive trauma down there! Xxx
     
  6. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    Wow I'm so sorry to hear that she tore your so badly down there... How was the birth of I may ask?x
     
  7. Lucie12344

    Lucie12344 Well-Known Member

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    birth wasn’t too bad to be honest, started with strong contractions about 10pm and she was born 2:25am. I had a nice water birth! I was only pushing for about 30 minutes & she was back to back which is why I think I tore so bad as she just shot out!! The pool filled with blood and I had midwifes putting pressure on the tears.. the dr was down there for about 30/40 minutes sowing me up and from what my partner said (I was high on gas and air) he kept saying he needed more thread for more stitches, and said I had a flap hanging down that had torn away that he’d done his best to rectify... she tore my labia too! A lot of grade 4 tears! I’m hoping there’s no permanent damage thats going to cause me pain everytime we have sex!! Xxx
     
  8. Princess81

    Princess81 Well-Known Member

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    There is definitely help out there for you so please don’t suffer. Definitely GP and potentially a specialist physio too x
     
  9. EmilyMaria

    EmilyMaria Well-Known Member

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    Don't compare yourself to what your friends were able to do after birth.
    Grade 4 tears take time to heal and not everyone has them. I definitely recommend getting some physio after grade 4 tears. Scar tissue can become very tight and sensitive and your mucles need to become strong again as well as learn how to relax at the right time. 16 weeks post partum is still early days in your recovery.
     
  10. WinterWolf

    WinterWolf Well-Known Member

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    If you’ve have had grade 4 tearing, you’re definitely not going to feel fine in 6-8 weeks. Women who bounce back that fast are the lucky ones with either no tears or little tears. Be patient with your body, it should slowly improve. x
     

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