Sex after a baby

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by diane, Jun 6, 2013.

  1. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

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    Hi I'm looking for advice/reassurance etc...

    I had a double episiotomy when having my lo. We have dtd 4 times since then I think. Anyways things just haven't been the same. I think I feel different, and I certainly look different (tmi) I feel like I haven't been stitched enough where I was cut but the midwifes said it was fine. A nurse at my gps said my pelvic floor was loose. So I feel extremely paranoid about myself and also sex is still sore 4 months on.

    I don't know how to overcome this. My husband doesn't have a massive sex drive anyways but it is starting to bother both him and I. I miss being close and intimate but I'm just so nervous and paranoid all the time. It isn't helping my confidence at all feeling this way; that things just aren't "right" but what can I do? All the professionals have told me things are more or less normal.

    How can I get my sex life back on track when I feel so paranoid? My husband and I had a frank discussion and he feels sex has become boring as I will only do certain positions now, but I just tried to initiate things and he turned me down :-( which makes me believe even more there is something wrong down below. I finally get my confidence up and he turns me down :-( things must be really bad :-(

    Sorry I don't know what I'm really asking, just need to write it down.
     
  2. Robyner

    Robyner Well-Known Member

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    When I was going through this, I really thought I was the only one. It was as though everyone else got back to normal after 6 weeks. Although I'm vague with the time scale, I'm sure it was more like 6 months and maybe more actually.

    I was cut due to a forceps delivery. My wound and stitches never got checked, as my 6 week appointment was with a consultant and was mainly dealing with genetic testing. The wound got overlooked and as silly as it sounds, I was too shy to ask. Though my wound wasn't weeping or infected or anything, it remained sore for such along time and sex was painful. Sorry for sounding crude, but doggy style felt awful for a long time afterwards.


    I remember the feeling of "looseness" down there and felt so worried that I would never be the same. About 2 months after delivery, I was doing aqua aqua aerobics and I just felt so strange and different down there, but hard to describe.


    Either things did get back to normal eventually, or we just got used to things and it became ok. We were actively ttc again.


    It must have been a huge blow to be knocked back, but was it definitely this issue? Are you certain it wasn't his issue ie feeling tired etc. I only ask because my Dh insisted things didn't feel different down there, even though they did for me.


    Maybe a night on the tiles with copious amounts of alcohol might help to relax you, if you can get someone to look after Lo overnight and half the next day maybe? This wasn't an option for us as my Dh cannot drink, so I would never drink in his company, but I believe it would have helped if we could. :)


    Try not to be too hard on yourselves though, it must be hard as well as incredibly wonderful, adjusting to your new circumstances with a baby. Keep up with the pelvic floor exercises and talk & talk & talk about the things that are worrying you, never let them mount up into monsters.


    Get to the bottom of why you were knocked back last night as it might not have been you anyway and the last thing you want is to lose the confidence to initiate things.


    Sorry this has turned into an essay lol I just remember how alone I felt, when everyone else seemed to find it so easy to get back to normal.
     
  3. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    Hey Hun

    You could ask your gp to refer you to your gynae and mention what it's done to you emotionally and physically as its sore.

    I had a 2nd degree tear and episotomy and we have been dtding regularly since 4 weeks so, I would say go with you if you think it's not right it might not be?

    Also I think to have a long winded chat with OH and explain your worries because he has to understand why it's maybe boring it's not good for you either as your in pain! The pressure of OH (not that he's meaning to) and the fact your worried is putting a whole let more pressure on something that should come natural to you both.

    Hope u get it sorted love xxxx
     
  4. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

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    Thanks so much ladies!! I'm gonna make a gp appt as we dtd again and it was really sore still in certain positions. But I've had a good talk with hubby and he supports me thanks so much x
     
  5. Robyner

    Robyner Well-Known Member

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    Thanks brilliant. Hope it goes well at the docs Hun. X
     

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