Really tired

[dani200420052000]

Hi All!

I have not been on here for a while as all I have wanted to do is lie about or sleep ( if so i do this before 3pm ) so hopefully it dont affect my night time sleep. Im sitting here now and I feel like I am drifting off.. lol

I also wanted to complain about my partner, dont get me wrong I love him to bits but he was really horrible to me the other night.. so here goes...

He started going on about as soon as the baby is born he wants me to get a P/T time job. which is fair enough, but he does not want me to get a P/T job n e where he wants it to be a good job and he wants me to make something of my self. So he wants me to study at college p/t and work P/T AS WELL AS LOOK AFTER A BABY. How can I manage all this straight away when he works ridiculus hours about 55- 65 per week and he cant reduce them as thats the trade he is in, he never gets a set 2 days off its really arkward. He always complains about money, I dont know y! I have not been working since july but been getting benefits and saying that i am living alone so we can afford to get buy..hE WAS SHOUTING AT ME FOR ABOUT 1 FULL HOUR ABOUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO COPE and get by, and saying that I need to decide what I want in life and decide what career I want to take ( which i dont know at the mo ), and start getting the ball rolling..
But at the mo all i am worried about is the birth as i have 6 wks left and I am worried about how i am going to cope emotuionally as he is always at work and I will have to do maily everything alone...

I took this abuse from him for an hour then just it all got to much and I just burst out crying saying that I am finding things so hard.. yeah he might work F/T but hes tea is alweays on the tabkle ,the house is always clean, hes shirts are always washed and ironed for work, I do everything like that. I have never nagged at him whilst I have been pregnant as I knew that he was finding it hard to come to terms with.

But eventually when i started crying about all this, he said that all he wanted was me top shout at him as he has wondered why i have been pregnant but been emotionless. bearing in mind i was like this because iof him, trying to be nice and treading on egg shells as i wanted this experience to be as easy as possible for him!

But then I look back at the other night and think why could he be so cruel as to do that to me it was awfull I was so upset and hurt I was in real bad tears sobbing, and he done it just so i would nagg at him.... i just dont understand it..

n e advice on y he done this ppl. sorry to go on i just dont understand!
Love Dani x

 

[emma1976]

Hey honey. Hope you are feeling a bit better. Sounds to me as though he is scared really. It's not long till babe is born and he is probably shitting himself and worrying about all sorts of things. He's obviously bottled all this up and just suddenly had a blow out which is what he may have needed. You might fond he is a bit calmer now. Sit down and talk to him when you are both calm.

If I was you just wait and see how things are when baby arrives. There's no way you can decide things like that until you have a routine going with the baby for a start - well I wouldn;t have thought so.

take every day is it comes honey and like I said just see what happens when the baby is born and make decisions there. As for money and how you will cope. You will, people do.

As for you being tired - tell me about it! I am a lazy git now, or try to be

Em xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[futuremum]

hI dani!!!

I am a bit in the same situation but the other way round. I am the full time worker and my partner does not work.
It is scary when you think about finances, we just had a serious talk about this with my partner as I wonder how we are going to feed the kid!!!! I have a lot of debts, roughly £10 000 and it is getting worse every month. My partner smokes which does not help as it costs us £240/month but he pays with his money. We live in a house where bills are high and the rent too, we tried to move but when you tick the boxes: pet, smoker, DHSS, children, you can forget about renting and buying, there is nothing good for what i can afford. I think about money all the time, my partner complains because i only buy second hand stuff or cheap new stuff. But he does not understand how stressful it is to see your money going away so fast. As soon as i received my salary, and once the overdraft and the bills come, i am already overdrawn!!!! And i am telling you i am shitting it!!!! I am not even sure he will look after the baby full time and unlike you he does not do the cooking, washing etc... but he helps, still.
Anyway, i need to go Dani but PM me if you want to talk.
Take care
Nathalie

 

[Tineke]

Hello mums and mums to be,

This is a really tough time for everyone now. We naturally going into 'survival mode' in order to cope with the realities life is putting before us. Here we are all in different situations money wise, job wise and our pertnerships.

The men use to be the hunter and providers of the family and the mothers were the nurturers of the family. Things have changed a great deal in a short amount of time, even from when I was younger.

I have had dissagreements with my partner about things like work, where he expected me to go back to work after 3 months (as Carribean men expect) and I have been brought up believeing that the men should provide for the family, and the mother nurtures the nest (so to speak). My partener and I now find ourselves in a situation where we are moving to a different country ( back home to Australia, for me) and he is unable to work for 2 years in order him to obtain residency. Only today, things changed as we had planned on leaving Australia 6 months after the baby was born and now I will be the provider. I will go back into teaching children and he will be raising our child.

I wonder, what this will do to him AS A MAN. I wonder, if this will make him feel less worthy as a provider and I am scared to death that this may change the relationship. I have always been the kind of person to achieve what I set out to do. I personally don't have to work as I have properties which I rent out. AND even though I want to work, I have always had it in my head to stay at home and raise my child. But the last thing I want is for my pratner to be reliant on me and my income. It will become confortable and believe in me the time will come where I tell him GET BACK TO WORK NOW HONEY!!! It is easy to become dependant on others and I am dreading the effects this may have on our future, such as his self confidence as a man, and my opinion of him in general.

I guess these are the obsticals we all go through in order to se how things will work out. They are the stepping stones to our future plan. Still, we have to keep in mind what our personal expectations are of both ourselves and our partners.

In the case of you Dani, I totally agree with Emma and Futuremum as your partner is scared and worried how he will provide for you and the baby. Again, these are natural feelings and as long as you have a plan at the end of the day and be sure to stick to it things will work in your favor. Even if your plan is a 5, 10 year plan, make sure you set out to have achievements and set yourself obtainable and realistic expectations. If you can't manage to do all of those things, then that's just how it goes. Remember that life has to include being happy and being together. It will be easy to get caught up in a rat race and lose the idea of what you want to achieve at the end of the day. The relationship between you and your partner remember is the the most important. It needs to be kept strong. My partner and I have made an effort since we started dating to go out to dinner 1 night a week. The fact we are getting dressed up and going out on a date makes me feel special and we know we are putting the effort into what we want to be strong - US.

OH MY GOD.... I HAVE WRITTEN A BOOK HERE!!! LOL

Anyhow, it's going to be tough and there will be times it will get tougher. Don't let the tough times take over your life too much. There will be sacrifices to be made just taking you to the next chapter of your life. We (me especially) need to keep that life plan in mind and in active gear, in order for things to be achieved.

I wish you guys the best with everything and hope these words helped out in one way or another.

Tineke oxoxox