Ready to quit

Maud

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2013
Messages
1,728
Reaction score
0
I can't take it anymore :-(

The screaming, the intense pain of latching on, the constant backache, the super tender damaged nipples that can't even stand being in the shower let alone the flailing arms and grabby fingers.

I always intended to breast feed and hate the idea of feeding her formula. But at 3 weeks and after a dreadful night and feeling like it's one step forward , two steps back, I really don't know how much longer I can put us through this, especially with OH back at work today. :-(

Life revolves around feeding her. I'm either fighting to feed her or dreading the next feed. I can't leave the house for more than an hour in case she gets hungry.

I feel like a dreadful mother and a failure. If I switch to formula I will hate myself and probably regret it for ever. Am between a rock and a hard place and really don't know what to do anymore.

:-(
 
Last edited:
I am in tri 3 with my first so I don't have any brilliant experience of my own to enlighten you with. However, I am very scared of getting to this point. I am told by friends that have persevered that it is worth it. Have you got the gel stiff for your nipples? I've been told its a life saver! Sorry. Not much help but hope you can get through this bit. If not and you move on to formula you haven't failed! Not at all! :)
 
Last edited:
Hun have you been to your local breastfeeding support group? They can help and check babies latch for you. Have you got ansinoh nipple cream? Literally smother it on before and after feeds and it really does help if you religiously use it. It really is so tough in the beginning but worth it. The first 6 weeks are the toughest. I also had to latch my first with her body almost behind me (hard to explain) but different positions can help. Xxxx
 
Firstly, don't beat yourself up over it. You've persisted for 3 weeks which is a lot more than many! And those early weeks are the most important. If, however you do want to try to keep going I think you should get in contact with your nearest lactation consultant who should be able to help you find positions that are better for latching on. Also perhaps try expressing for a while to give your boobs a break. The Lansinoh gel is excellent and id also consider using nipple shields. The midwives, bf experts don't like them but at the end of the day if it's a choice between using them and giving up I'm sure most would say try them. Some of my friends swear by them.

I know just how you feel as my LO is often feeding every hour and I've been at the point of giving up countless times, I feel such guilt for even considering formula. But formula isn't the devil and vast numbers of babies grow up perfectly happy and healthy on it.

Good luck with it xx
 
You are not a failure - BF is singly the hardest thing I have ever done. You are a massive success for getting to 3 weeks. I found it went in cycles, we could have a couple of days where he was screaming and not want to latch and then it would just stop and he'd feed beautifully.

Have you tried putting on lansinoh then covering your nipples with cling film in between feeds? I found this stopped anything rubbing on them and kept them moist.

Certainly seek help - if you are determined to BF you can get through this (although it probably doesn't feel that way just now). xx
 
Hang in there :) it is the hardest thing in the world and it is bloody painful and like you say you spend all your time feeding or dreading feeding. All I can say is that you have done the hardest bit now and for me it started getting better around now.

Get yourself some lasinoh nipple cream it's expensive but I couldn't have continued without it!

It does get better and you have done the hardest part but don't beat yourself up about not breastfeeding if that's the option you chose 100's of babies do just fine on formula!
 
Thanks forthe support. I knew breastfeeding wasn't easy, but I never expected it to be this hard. I love my daughter completely, but I'm not enjoying her at all at the moment and I really don't know what to do anymore.

We've had help from midwives, health visit and a feeding clinic, but my resolve is dropping with each and every feed. People keep reassuring me we're doing great but it doesn't feel like it when you're afraid of your child. The pain is just so bad. I've been applying lanolin creams to the damage (although midwife told me to use less as it was making it harder for her to latch on due to greasiness) and letting them air dry with milk on them, but one is so badly damaged I fear it's never going to heal.

Sorry for going on, I hate being so pathetic but the idea of formula feeding her upsets me so much I just feel totally confused about what is best for her as switching to formula would be because I can't cope not because she's better off on it or even that I want her on it so I'm never going to feel good about the decision. :-(
 
have you tried nipple shields, ive never used them but alot of people seem to use them. I was like this with my first baby, i would cry at every feed and just felt like a milk machine, your nearly past the hard part it gets so much easier and enjoyable but if you choose to stop dont beat yourself up about it youve done amazing and given your lo the best start ff will not do her any harm, you need to do whats right for you aswell xx
 
I tried a nipple shield once on midwife suggestion, but it was even more painful than without it. Our problem is that I have quite small nipples and my baby has a small mouth and a very shallow latch. The shield seemed to make this worse as she was just crushing my nipple inside the shield.
 
Have you tried going to a breastfeeding support group? If the latch is correct it shouldn't be sore or hurt. (That's what i was told.) I had a couple of days where it felt a bit sore and i don't think i'd got the position right but it seems fine up till now (fingers crossed it carries on that way!) I went to a support group before giving birth as i had no idea how to do it and same as you i really didn't want to go down the formula route at all and i wanted to make sure i didn't get into bad habits by not doing it right. I found it really useful, they were so helpful.

My doctors have a drop in session every week for support and guidance. Might be worth checking locally and popping along for some help?X
 
Last edited:
I had a one on one session with a feeding counsellor. She didn't think the latch was all that bad but she didn't experience the screaming fit we get at home. I had intended on keeping going to the clinic and maybe to some of the others in the area, but having just had another battle to get her to feed and she gave up after 5 mins I am currently expressing with intention of introducing a bottle when she wakes back up and I guess we'll have to go to the shops later to get formula, bottles etc as I doubt I can express enough to satisfy her. Am not happy at all with myself and already feel like a failure but I just can't keep battling my daughter like this. Have spent most of today in tears; really don't know if this is the right decision.
 
Awww hun sorry you're having such a tough time. :( :(

Can you not feed her exclusively expressed milk from a bottle so it doesn't make you feel as bad, she's getting the goodness of your milk but with no pain for you? I'm not sure how it works with expressing but if you were to use an electric pump surely you could produce the amount she needs?x
 
I'd prefer that but have read that supply drops when you express as it's less efficient than baby. She just latched back on to pumped breast so really don't know what to do now. I never thought feeding would cause me such stress :-(
 
awww shame :( wish I could help more but I'm pretty new to this too :( Maybe try one more meet with a councellor, they may have some last things you could try before switching. x
 
Expressing makes my supply go nuts!

I've got a friend who went from breast feeding to expressing and her supply went up aswell

It may be worth a shot to buy a pump if you really don't wanna quit breast milk Hun? it will give your nipples abit of grace if they need it

I'm 3 weeks in feeding and can get 4oz out of my boobs in 5 mins with my double breast pump

Hope you find a solution but don't get yourself down about it - you've done great xx
 
I just want to say that I could only breastfeed my lo for 2 weeks due to meds I had to start taking, and beat myself up for feeding her formula, but she's fine! Formula isn't the devils blood or anything! I'm personally sick of seeing people and myself who were made to feel shit because of it!
 
Aww hun, I can relate, not so much this time round but I really struggled when my eldest was a baby. Even this time I've cried when Josie needs a feed due to the pain. I can tell you it does get easier and it does stop hurting but I know that doesn't make it any easier for you right now.

Whatever you decide, don't beat yourself up. You are not a failure at all, breastfeeding is the hardest thing I've ever learnt to do and if switching to formula is going to make looking after your lo easier and make you both happier then there is no need to feel bad about it.

Hugs xxx
 
You are definately not a failure hon, 3 weeks is amazing! I hit that wall really quick as dd wouldn't latch at all so went almost straight away to feeding about 50% of the time and pumping the rest, best decision I made! For me it wasn't about how she got the breast milk just that she got it. We are so much happier now and don't feel the same pressure. I have the medela swing mini and it's amazing, I'll cry if it breaks down. Good luck :hugs: x x
 
Thanks again guys.

We have decided to express and bottle feed and hopefully get her back on the breast once my nipples have healed a bit. We've bought some tommee tippee closer to nature bottles as they are supposedly good for combo feeding. Have just tried her on her first bottle. Not sure if I was doing it right but she took in 30ml which is a start and no screaming or pain.

Am feeling bit calmer although still very sad. Going to have to start pumping like mad now!
 
3 weeks is amazing really dont beat yourself up. For everyone who says it's the most natural thing I would totally disagree!! I'm 12 weeks in and just start combi feeding this is my second day. I felt awful yesterday about giving my LO formula but today he's like a different baby settles to sleep better and more content and he went nearly 4hrs between a feed which is amazing. He's normally such a frequent feeder in the day and recently every hour and a half.
I also feel so much better today no where near as tired.

We struggled so much a first and what I found was he wasn't emptying my boobs and this was making my nipples super sore I didn't realise this was the cause until I pumped. He had expressed milk from a bottle and the next time I went to feed he latched on better as my boob was softer and I wasn't in so much pain.

The cream is amazing and the tip with the cling film saved me. I always wiped the cream off before feeds as I found he had a hard time latching on as it was so slippy.

Also as he has grown it's got easier maybe because his mouth is bigger so easier to latch on or he's sucking better who knows!

It took us to 9 weeks till we cracked it and the pain was gone and it was easy.

I would say stick with it as it is amazing and even 3 weeks you've given your LO a great start. But please if you go to formula don't feel bad about it. Happy Mum = Happy Baby.

Good luck xx
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Threads
473,572
Messages
4,654,624
Members
110,012
Latest member
lauramayne90
Back
Top