Ready to give up

[MelH]

Daughter is 6 days old. Nothing is working. Breast feeding hurts like mad. She won't keep still to latch on and even when she does she constantly wriggles and comes off. Tried nipple shields with not much success.
I can't get her wind up at all and it is virtually impossible for me to manage to put her down in the cot successfully. She will immediately wake.
I just don't know what's wrong with hermost of the time - feel a failure.
I feel really low and want to cry all the time.i don't feel any love towards her at the moment and wish shed never been born.
Help

 

[Clairexx]

Oh hun, it's so hard at the beginning and we all struggle so don't feel like a failure! It's completely normal to feel down, but also really important to ask for help if you feel like you're finding things really hard - that's what it's there for. Speak to your health visitor to get some advice re latching and breast feeding, and consider combi feeding or formula feeding if its something that could work better for yourself. You need to tell them exactly how you feel to be able to get all the help you need, and also share with your other half. Does he know how you are feeling?
You're doing really well stop beating yourself up xxxx

 

[Alleig]

First, have you spoken to your midwife about this? You sound very low and you need to get some support for that.

Secondly, have you tried lying down with your little one to feed her? I did this a lot in the first few days and I still do it a lot now at 7+ weeks to be honest. They can nearly always get a good latch and they get the idea. They wriggle less in this position too.

If you feed her into a lovely deep sleep and make sure the cot she's going into is warm, she'll be more likely to go down.

You're still very new at this but remember, your baby only has three physical needs at the moment that you can provide: food, winding and nappy change. Four if you count cuddles! It will always be one of those three, most likely anyway.

You're not a failure. Not even close. Your job is to provide for your child and keep her safe. As long as you're doing that, however you do it, you're a success. Breast milk is ideal but that's all it is: an ideal. It's like getting AAA at A level. It's the best but it doesn't mean that you'll do better in life than someone who got BBB or even someone you dropped out of study altogether. Motherhood is much more than just what you feed them in the beginning, so don't despair over it.

The important thing is to love your baby and provide for her. That's all she needs. Just find the best way to do that. And do get some help if you need it.

 

[Colourmeblue]

Hi hun, really hope you are ok. I'd advise that you speak to either your doc or HV about how you are feeling, as they will be able to provide you with help and support. Do you have anyone close who can help with day to day things whilst lo is still so small? - do you have a support network? It's normal to feel helpless when baby cries and cries and nothing you do settles them, but it does get better, promise. Soon you'll be able to suss out what each of her different cries mean. Also speak to HV for breastfeeding advise, and if it's really making you feel so low and you feel you cannot persevere, its not the end of the world, lots of mums bottle feed and have perfectly lovely and healthy babies. Good luck hun xxx

 

[Lynds77]

oh hun i cried for the first 2 weeks after baby was born! I just felt like a pair of boobs to her. I couldnt soothe her or settle her with my voice or a cuddle, just my boobs. And that was a blooming nightmare as her latch was bad and I got bugger all support for breastfeeding

the low mood should pass. Your milk will be in now and thats when hormones start settling and letting you feel a bit more normal. If it doesnt pass then see your GP

do tell your midwife of HV though, or even call a breastfeeding peer support worker? Just talking will make you feel better.

good luck! x

 

[Nicnax]

It's so hard in those early days! No one tells you how hard breastfeeding is to begin with- they always say it won't hurt if the latch is right, but I don't know anyone who didn't find it excruciating in those first few days. Baby wants to feed constantly, your nipples are so sore, your body is wrecked from giving birth, and you are sleep deprived. And neither you or the baby know what you are doing. Talk to someone- I wish I'd taken advantage of a breastfeeding advisor (not health visitor) in those early days- it would have saved a lot of tears. I am 6 months in, and used them recently, and the advice was amazing. I spike to Breastfeeding Babes- not sure if they are a local thing, but they were fab.

Hope you get some help- vent on her as well- writing stuff down is helpful too.

 

[l_maclean]

you need to speak to someone about how low you are feeling.

See if there are bf groups near by, and get someone to check her latch. The beginning tends to be 'toe curling'. But should hurt like made

Winding takes practice, and as for the cot don't stress about it just now. She's only tiny and just wants to be near her mummy. Unfortunately both of those are problems that could be completely unrelated to BF.

infact bf babies generally have a lot less wind - does she seem in pain, as its possible she just doesn't have wind at all!

 

[MelH]

Just to update. Decision was made today to bottle feed and the difference has been amazing. My daughter took to the bottle straight away and seems so much more content. I feel a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders and as a family we are all feeling a lot more positive. I've been able to hold my daughter today and actually start to get to know her properly without feeling she's ruined my life.

 

[Becky1]

Just to update. Decision was made today to bottle feed and the difference has been amazing. My daughter took to the bottle straight away and seems so much more content. I feel a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders and as a family we are all feeling a lot more positive. I've been able to hold my daughter today and actually start to get to know her properly without feeling she's ruined my life.

Just reading your posts - so pleased that you made that decision. People always go on about breast is best etc but for so many mums and LO's this isn't the case. Great to hear you're doing well now and getting to know little one

 

[Colourmeblue]

Hope things continue to go well x

 

[MelH]

My daughter has just been weighed for second time and has put back on 12.5 oz in one week. Don't think me breastfeeding her would have been able t keep up with her demand lol. All so much happier here - believe it or not she did a 7 hr sleep on Tuesday night - shocked us all. Hasn't happened again though

 

[Colourmeblue]

Good to hear things are better - and good one lo for sleeping so well! x