Rant - OH/breastfeeding!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Rachel1509, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. Rachel1509

    Rachel1509 Well-Known Member

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    Arrghh! I'm so mad right now! My OH is being so pathetic at the moment.
    Just had health visitor come round about infant feeding. She was really friendly and as expected, just tried to encourage breastfeeding. I've been adament I wanted to formula feed throughout my pregnancy because of some stories that I've been told by friends and relatives who work in childcare settings.
    Now I know this lady came here to encourage breastfeeding, but she told me a lot about it that I wasn't aware of, and its opened my eyes to it. I'm now sat here not knowing what I want to do! But all OH can say is 'Well if you breastfeed then there's no point me even been around at all, I'm sick of how men aren't seen as important and the mums are always fussed over and seen as the most important'. To which I replied with 'I'm terribly sorry that I'm female, and have been chosen to carry this baby for us'. Followed by a big argument and me storming off upstairs!!

    I'm fuming!!!


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  2. poppypd

    poppypd Well-Known Member

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    I'd be ranting too if I were you! Thats unacceptably selfish of him (in my opinion!) He can change nappies and bathe baby, play with baby, read to baby! You are absolutely in the right to do whatever you think is best for baby!
     
  3. Nurse 26

    Nurse 26 Well-Known Member

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    I agree hes being selfish, there are plenty other things n do with the baby other than feeding, after all we are the ones with the equiptment and we cant help that :) if he wants what is best for baby then he should be happy with how you chose to feed. xx
     
  4. mummy2b19

    mummy2b19 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to be so blunt but how pathetic can he get, breast is best for baby (not that I am against formulae but its just a fact) surely he should want what is best for his child, tell him to grow up and stop throwing childish strips! Maybe it is a lot about the mum and what's good for her, that's because its our bodys that have been used and abused for the past 9 months. Sorry if I've been a bit harsh but I think he is really out of order xx
     
  5. Maybe_mummy

    Maybe_mummy Well-Known Member

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    Im gonna sit on the fence a little bit on this one.

    Ohhh hun dont be upset, I think men feel pretty useless during all this pregnancy thing and when the LO comes it comes their opportunity to shine and share responsibility. I know feeding is just a small aspect of it but its like taking that away. I dont particularly want to breast feed either cos I want him to share the job and so does he. But obviously you can always express if he wants to feed as well that way he gets a bit of the bonding time.

    My husband says that he cant wait till she comes out so he can take care of her and its not all on my shoulders. They want to be involved too just think your OH has been insensitive about the way he put it but Im sure he didnt mean it the way it has come across, i think what us women have to go through during pregnancy and labour we deserve a bit of fussing over!!

    Big Hugs!! XX
     
    #5 Maybe_mummy, Jan 30, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2012
  6. Rachel1509

    Rachel1509 Well-Known Member

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    I can see his side, and have done throughout the pregnancy. I've shared his feelings about how dads are sometimes pushed to the side and not seen as important, but on the other hand, I can't really help this can I! Sometimes he says things like this as if I'm meant to apologise that I'm a female and that I've been chosen to carry the baby and be seen as his main provider.
    Reason I chose formula was for him to be as involved as possible and share the duties, and also because I've had people telling me that breastfed babies tend to see their mums as 'milk machines' and not as a real mum for cuddles and kisses. So this put me off. I told the health visitor that too and she said that can be quite true yes but depends on the temperament of the child.
    She went through lots of reasons why breast is best, and even though I know she's there to encourage and pursuade me to do it, it really did open my eyes to it, and for the first time I actually thought maybe I could breastfeed afterall!

    I just don't know how to deal with the OH at the moment. I've left him downstairs to sulk, don't even want to be around him at the moment! I'm stressed enough with money and housing issues, worrying about labour and providing for my baby - but now I've got a big kid to look after aka him!

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  7. Maybe_mummy

    Maybe_mummy Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I get what your saying not your fault he cant carry the baby for 9 months although I wish sometime they would try LOL!! Soon shut them up. He is being over the top and hopefully when things have calmed down then he might have a more rational head on it, especially if you feel its the right thing to do for your baby. My reasons for not wanting to do it sound similar to yours i would probably try the first few but cant see me doing it for long really.
     
  8. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    I think sometimes men get a bit "hormonal" as well. - like maybe he just needed a bit of a rant - not nice for you to hear, but im sure he'll get passed it.

    At the end of the day breast is best (same as m2b - im not having a go at formula) - but this is why the health visitors and mw's encourage it - but it doesnt have to be a be all and end all - doing it for a little while is better than not at all, after the first few weeks you can express to let OH help with feeding, and as the others said - there are other jobs - babies need plenty of work.

    our midwife suggested letting dad be responsible for bath time if people were worried about bonding - then if you are exclusively responsible for feeding, he has a time thats exclusively for him. xxx
     
  9. Mrs. KM

    Mrs. KM Well-Known Member

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    He obviously feels a bit left out and was probably looking forward to having time to feed the baby. Maybe you an suggest he does something else with LO that is just his 'job' like bathing the baby? That is our plan. OH wanted something that the baby would know is special time with Daddy.
     
  10. Bunnykins

    Bunnykins Well-Known Member

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    I'm lucky in that my hubby positively encouraged me to breast feed our son, we decided it was best for the baby, best for our finances and ease of late night feeds lol! It was bloody hard work and personally took me 5 weeks to get into the swing of it, I found it painful and time consuming, I swore I'd only do it for the first few weeks, but I tell you what I wouldn't have done it any other way, my baby is thriving and I now love bfing him so much I was recently told I had to stop so I could take some medication I needed (which would be passed thru my milk and be dangerous for baby) I couldn't bare the thought of stopping and my baby no longer needing me, I love our little feeding times where he strokes my arm and gazes at me whilst he feeds, so I've delayed taking the tablets until he's 6 months and weaning onto food. It is very time consuming and we can be sat feeding for long periods of the day but most of that time hubby is at work so he gets his bondtime during evening cuddles, bath time & bedtime story, I do express and a couple of nights a week he gives him a bedtime bottle and the odd Saturday he takes a bottle and him and Lo have a day out just the 2 of them. So it can work for both parents, infact my Lo was a terrible cluster feeder so he was barely off my boobs and he has bonded lovely with his daddy, huge smiles for him when he gets in from work, also he doesn't see me as just a milk machine he laughs when I smile at him and screams for cuddles from me if I leave the room too long!!!
    You've got to do what's best for you, bfing isn't for everyone, some pick it up easily, for me I struggled and could have given up but I'm so glad I didn't, you should be able to make that choice without arguments, your oh will bond just as well regardless!!
     
  11. Coolbeans2010

    Coolbeans2010 Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, i totally feel for you as my hubby is exactly the same, he has this major hang-up about not being able to feed his baby. I was all for bottle feeding as we could share the responsibility, but I want to try breast feeding (I don't want to express though) I've just ignored comments OH has made about how there is no way he is not feeding his baby for 6 months! This has to be what is best for baby and for mum so if I want to try breastfeeding that is what I will do and by the time the baby is here he will realise there are lots of things he can do with the baby. I've already said that bath time etc can be daddy and baby time.

    Men can be very insensitive at times but at least it's because they want to be involved - I'd rather have that then him not caring.

    Try and sit down with him and say that you want to try it and you need him to respect your decision. Tell him all the other things he can be involved in.

    Big hugs xx
     
  12. lyndsey_28

    lyndsey_28 Well-Known Member

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    oh hun, try not to get too upset u not what men are like :eh: shout there mouth off before thinking!!
    i formula fed only my first baby never even tried b/f and totally regretted not even trying,
    2nd baby OH encouraged me to go for it b/f wise and totally supported me i was slightly worried bout him feeling left out with feeds etc!! but why iwas in hosp the mw gave my LO a bottle of formula to top him up as milk doesnt come in properly for a few days!! so over the next few days when i was home i b/f during the day and my OH gave him a bottle of formula at night to help settle him to sleep better

    on the 3rd day my milk came in properly and i expressed a bottle for my partner to carry on giving that bottle before bed, and encouraged him with bathing etc and they have an incredible bond :) so maybe he can get involved although not as he hoped, but least its a compromise!!

    good luck with ur decision making and i hope ur OH calms dwn soon and looks at it from ur side too xxx
     
  13. Princess81

    Princess81 Well-Known Member

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    Breastfeeding is such a wonderful thing to be able to do. In the first few weeks I thought I'd go mad with tiredness but you get through that stage. Your o/h needs to appreciate how good it is for the baby and make that his priority. You could express and he could feed baby that way with a bottle? My o/h has done that a couple times although he can see how much l/o loves feeding directly from me so the bottle feeding doesn't happen that much. There are lots of other things he can do to bond with baby x
     
  14. shootingstar22

    shootingstar22 Well-Known Member

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    I am sure he will have a different opinion after the baby is born. Seeing you in labour should open his eyes and see that womens feet should be kissed for all they go through in a year...then the months after.x
     
  15. jojo_2012

    jojo_2012 Well-Known Member

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    Wait til baby has his 6 week growth spurt then let him give night feeds with ur expressed milk, see how keen he is then.

    In fact to shut him up why not run that by him now :lol:

    * trying to tapatalk from my bb but tapatalk is RUBBISH!! *
     
  16. BevG

    BevG Well-Known Member

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    lol id have laughed at him and said if that was the way he saw it then he could do everything else for baby but feeding if he felt useless. id rather be able to have bathtime and changes and playing with baby and cuddles than be the on demand milk machine im sure at 3am he will be glad he dosent have to get up!
     
  17. Bee7

    Bee7 Well-Known Member

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    This does seem like a bit of an over-reaction. I can see why men can potentially feel a little pushed out at times, but at the end of the day we didn't make the laws of nature! My OH has been very supportive. He's happy for me to breast feed but i know he wants to be involved in other things and will just do what he can to help.

    Your bloke is probably feeling a bit stressed with the pregnancy as well so give him time to get the sulking out of his system, then calmly remind him that you can't help having a womb and boobs! xx
     

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