Private fertility help?

[MrsS15]

Just wondering what you all think if you have any help or advice!

We're on month 15 of ttc with 2 early losses and I feel so utterly low. I've cried every day this week, I'm feeling like I'm in a deep dark hole I can't get out of and it's affecting me so much. I'm shutting myself off from the world because I'm actually scared of pregnancy announcements they're causing me huge amounts of anxiety I've become so bitter with everything, I blame myself all the time. That I must be a horrible terrible person for this to happen to, when so many other people seem to have 1 accident and get given a baby they don't even want

I know I probably feel worse because I've had an awful last 18 months. I had huge fall outs with my family after they treated me terribly in the run up to my wedding, my dad had an affair, I didn't speak to my family for a year and I was moved department in my job with 2 weeks notice and no say in it at all. Our son (nearly 8) also has adhd and undergoing autism diagnosis too, we have no family support and although we love him to death, he's a very difficult demanding non stop child (who doesn't like sleep!). We waited a long time to ttc due to struggles with our son, we waited till we moved to a quieter area, bought a bigger house and got married in the hope we'd be more settled and secure. I looked forward to having another baby as my saving grace I suppose, it was something I longed for for years but waited, and I've found this journey so so hard to accept. (Sorry I know I waffled, just trying to give some background).


Anyway, I was talking to a friend today who knows our situation and is trying to be there for me. I just cried and cried to her that I feel I need to give up for my own sanity. I know it's causing me to become emotionally and physically unwell. But then never getting to be a mummy again feels like a stab in my heart she asked about us going down the root of private treatment in the hope of helping us and maybe shortening this journey, something I'd never considered. Do you think there is anything they would be able to do for us? I've had the minimal tests and everything seems to be okay and as far as I know I ovulate every month. Would it be pointless seeing someone do you think? If any one has any experience I would really appreciate it!

Well done if you got this far. I feel a bit better even just getting this out! Xx

 

[PeanutButter]

If you can afford it go for it! They take more time in trying to identify the problem. I've not been private because we can't afford it but I'd love to! They actually care. Even if it's just one appointment I'd better you'd get more info then 10 appointments on the nhs. Xx

 

[Lucyboo]

It's worth doing your research into private clinics if you can afford to. Don't just necessarily go to your local one as they aren't always the best choice. We were under the Lister in London as seemed the best for our situation. Even the consultation can make you feel better. These places also offer more in depth tests although they cost money it's worth it. Good luck x

 

[phonixgirl]

You know my story honey and they always tell me I ovulate every month so there shouldn't be an issue despite the pcos. Clearly that's not the case. It's possible my nk cells are preventing implantation and undiagnosed endometriosis could prevent natural conception (but not IVF). I'm not sure what to advise really - might be worth it if you can afford to to see if you get any answers? I know you've had a couple of mcs so you could do the tests I had - they're really good, costs £360 and it's uterine nk cells too (not many clinics offer that).

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to add me on Facebook as I totally understand xxx

 

[Mar_15]

I haven't read your full story before MrsS though I've followed you a little on the forum. It sounds like you're having a terrible time. In my own experience the pain and frustration of long term ttc comes in waves - sometimes a few months will go by and it doesn't bother me too much and then I'll have months where I'm crippled by it.

I can't give any advice on private healthcare in the UK. We started off going through private health insurance here in Spain and then our number finally came up with public health care, which we've been lucky with. Private healthcare got us started off though and it was especially positive to do diagnostic tests. I think the sperm analysis was 100 eur but I've seen offers on groupon.

I think Phonix is right, if you can afford it, start with testing. Put yourselves in control and be strong with the doctors - they don't know everything. Try to find out what all the tests are before you agree to pay for them, and don't let doctors waste time sending you away to temp/do ov tests/have sex on the right days - go prepared with your tracking app as proof to the first appointment.

Also, don't let anyone (or yourself) make you feel bad that you aren't pregnant yet. It isn't because you're stressed, or because you don't deserve another baby, or because the timing isn't right or because they are having better sex than you or any of the crap which people somehow think is helpful advice. It's just bad luck (and possibly medical issues) and you will get there soon.

Hugs x

 

[Sugarpop]

I'm for sure going private when my funds are there. The NHS keep telling me I am ovulating but I really am not I don't think. With the NHS it's always a battle of will with them.

 

[MrsS15]

Thank you so much for replying lovely ladies. I appreciate your replies and support so much!

I've spoken to my hubby and he's happy to go ahead with this, he knows we are and will get nowhere with the NHS. My GP's response before was 'it took me almost 3 years to conceive my son, just continue to have sex every 3 days' - I thought wow so helpful, especially when I'm telling you my mental state is at an all time low. Hubby is a bit worried about funds, our house needs renovated so we're supposed to be saving for that, but I'd rather look into this than have a shiny new kitchen. We've agreed to save for another couple of months and in the mean time just relax about it all and look into all our options first.

I agree Ashleigh, I think we're get more help in just a few appointments than months and months with the NHS. I know you pay for what you get but isn't that the point?

Lucy, I read your advice and looked further afield than I probably would have and already found a difference in not just going to my most local clinic. Thank you!

Katie, I always follow your journey. I'm so glad you now have some answers and can see some light now! Thank you for the example of price too, that was helpful to put to the hubby when discussing it. I deleted my facebook as it was just another source of upset for me but I have whatsapp if you ever want to exchange numbers, I'd love to chat more

Mar, that's exactly how I usually am, waves describes it perfectly. This time around seems to be a constant low, the longest I've taken to climb back out of this! All your advice is brilliant, thank you. I'm taking note of everything you girls say! You're absolutely right about the stress, with the first m/c I had numerous people telling me I was 'too stressed' it honestly nearly broke me thinking I was to blame. I do beat myself up all the time so that's something I really need to work on!

Sugarpop, I hope you get the funds soon and get some help. Everything crossed for you!!

Thank you again ladies, and if you think of anything else please send it my way! xxxxxx