Pregnant. Not sure what I'm going to do??

[Snidy]

So I was with my ex for a year &7 months &then we broke up a couple months ago. I went into depression while starting nursing school. I started talking to someone else but just off & on. He didn't know what he wanted. While we stopped talking I would feel lonely&regrettably I'd hook up with my ex. Well after that &him telling me he didn't ever want to be with me again, I hooked up with the guy I was talking to off &on. Well just a week ago I found out I was pregnant&I do not know who the father is but I have a good guess. I think it's the guy I was talking to because he went inside of me. I took the plan b pill afterwards thinking it would work but two weeks later I was pregnant. Me &my ex had sex a couple times but he pulled out. I started hanging out with my ex again before I knew I was pregnant&quickly after discovered I was. I told him I was pregnant&I can't get myself to tell him that it might not be his. He wants me to keep the baby &have a family with me but I can't do that to him hiding the fact it could not be his. So initially we both were thinking abortion. He set up an appt and I went to it. Now I have my next one scheduled to take the pill but my ex doesn't want me doing that &now I feel like I want to keep the baby&it's breaking my heart. At first I also told the guy I was talking to that I was pregnant &getting an abortion &that it was prob his. Well I told him now I wasn't sure of the abortion &he's very for it bc he knows it could be his. I'm just lost I feel ashamed of myself and miserable. While there's so much going against having this child and not knowing who the father is I already feel like I have some bond with this baby and it's heartbreaking to think about abortion. I just don't know?

 

[Sparklegirl]

If you are feeling a bond, I would suggest you think very carefully before a termination. That cannot be undone and the bottom line is there is no doubt that the baby is YOURS, so dont feel pushed into a decision. Think about telling both they could be the father and get work out the dates together if possible. You cant make a massive decision alone while hormones are everywhere. Dont act in haste and live to regret it, so many ladies would love the chance to have a baby- dont throw yours away without proper thought. I hope you make the right decision for you

 

[Snidy]

Thank you for your response! Ive never had such a difficult time in life. I never thought I wouldn't know who the father was...so it's shocking to myself. I will really put a lot of consideration into everything before Thursday comes.

 

[Sparklegirl]

If the first one pulled out and the second one didnt but you took the morning after pill, I wonder if the first one is likely to be the father because pregnancy can still happen even using withdrawl method as it can be ineffective. Either way whichever it is, would both of them be there to support you? Have a little think, let your mind wander about a little baby, a toddler, a kiddie and years later- how does it feel to have the little one with you? Can you envisage your life changing in such a wonderful way? Are you coping with the changes? Are you happy? Think about it all and rearrange the appointment if it gives you more time

 

[Snidy]

Thank you for responding. I was wondering about that. From reading about the pill it said it could be up to 95% preventative if taken within 24 hours which I did. So I was surprised I was pregnant. And with my ex he could've went inside me a little bit but I'm not sure. I know my ex would be there. He told me he would want a family with me and that he actually really wants to be a father but the circumstances just aren't ideal at all. With the other guy, he would not want to be a father at all. He told me he's not ready. The main issue is telling my ex it could possibly not be his and then having a test done and it not. I feel as if he would hate and resent me. If it wasn't his it'd be very difficult to have this child. If I knew it was his, I would for sure keep this baby.

 

[Sparklegirl]

I might still be his though, I am not sure about where you might be able to do a DNA test in utero because if the ethical implications, I have found this link for you (assuming you are in the UK?) http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/what-is-a-prenatal-paternity-test.aspx?CategoryID=61&SubCategoryID=615

It might be worth considering so you know which one the father is

 

[Snidy]

I actually live in the US. I read that they do it at about 8 weeks but I also saw that it was very expensive which I wouldn't be able to afford right now. So I don't think there is really any good outcome from this. It's pretty upsetting to me. Thank you for finding that site for me though!

 

[Sparklegirl]

No problem. Would you consider raising the baby alone if needs be? Hopefully you have a support network of family or friends who will be there for you

 

[Snidy]

I believe I could but I'd much rather not. I would love to be a mother though. I've always been excited for it but I just wish the circumstances were better, obviously.

 

[Wilson28]

Firstly big hugs, 2nd stop beating yourself up.

We all do things we arnt proud of at times however its how we learn from it.

I think from your posts you want this baby, however you need to be honest with your ex and say you had a one night rebound with a chap and a bit unsure of the father, however you will do a full dna once baby is here.

If it doesnt work out with your ex or the guy im sure youll be an ace mummy on your own, its tough work however the joy of your child andvwhat they bring will out shine this situation, you have nothing to lose

Xx

 

[Wilson28]

You also might have been pregnant before taking the after pill x

 

[Snidy]

Thank you for your optimism because I could use that right now! I think everything you're saying is right and I'll just have to be honest and really hope for it being my ex's. I know it's very hard now, but I'm sure things will work out how they are supposed to in the end.

 

[Wilson28]

Feel free to pm me for advice xx

 

[Wobbles]

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While Pregnancyforum.co.uk tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations.