So I don’t know if I have the January blues/ post natal depression/ anxiety or what it is. I had a last minute Caesarian 2 months ago and gave birth to my amazing little boy. Labour was awful and the days after in post natal ward were awful as a midwife was really abrupt and mean to me as soon as I arrived with baby. She convinced hubby to go home first night and his parents agreed so the first night was beyond awful, in pain trying to cope with baby and failing miserably to breastfeed. Fast forward two months and I’m in a routine with little one and feels ok now but am still bleeding which docs seem unconcerned about. I feel anxious still when looking after him though, nervous about holding him wrong etc. But I think I’m doing ok. But I’m beyond exhausted, hubby does his share but most nights it’s all me as he works. Haven’t been anywhere yet with little man apart from walks as he hasnt had his jabs,so nervous to take him out. Also nervous in general about taking him out in case he’s upset and I can’t calm him. So feel a bit trapped most days and it’s starting to get to me. Hubbys not keen on taking him out properly yet either so feel stuck. I love little man but I feel like days are passing me by and I’m not doing enough. Anyway long story short anyone else struggling? How did you cope? To top it off everyone keeps commenting how great a father my hubby is and I just feel no one ever says anything to me despite me doing lions share. And the in laws are q overbearing and have opinions on EVERYTHING! Just would appreciate everyone’s ideas, thoughts on how they coped with the madness!!
Postnatal Depression/anxiety? How did you cope?
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MoominGirl
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So much of what you're saying sounds all too familiar so first off what I will say is that things have got better. My little boy is now 8 weeks old so very similar stage to you.
We also had a pretty tough time in labour which ended in a forceps delivery and a postpartum haemorrhage which meant a stay on the postnatal ward. Thankfully only for one night as despite everything that had happened, this was the worst part of the whole experience for me. Like you OH was sent home leaving me in pain trying to cope with a new baby and struggling to breastfeed on top of the fact I was physically and mentally exhausted. I realised they were short staffed but I just felt like an inconvenience and as I'd had no further medical issues I was probably the fittest one there since all the others had a section so I just felt ignored. Because of that, I just can't understand why they wouldn't allow my husband to stay seeing as he's the only person who genuinely wanted to support me to do all the things I was struggling with that they clearly didn't have time to do!! Once we were home, it was the community midwives that actually sorted things out as we were struggling with feeding so much the little man was jaundiced by this point, none of which was picked up while we were in hospital despite me raising concerns about feeding many times.
I've stopped bleeding but it was around 6 weeks before it stopped for me.
As for the exhaustion, I was truly awful with it to begin with. Like really didn't cope at all in the night to the point I felt almost psychotic but would then be back to my usual self in the morning. Sounds pathetic but it really was a big issue for me. How we have cracked it is I go to bed alone around 9ish and can sleep solid until about midnight as OH has LO so I don't need to worry about him. It has made such a huge difference and basically sets me up for the night so I can do all the feeds without any of the stress. OH can then sleep the rest of the night before work.
As for going out, I know exactly where you're coming from. I felt fine going out with OH as it just felt safer and I was so anxious about doing things on my own. Trouble is I'm not the sort to sit around doing nothing so I was starting to get a bit crazy so last week I bit the bullet and started going to groups. It is getting easier. Some days go well, others are a disaster but what really helps is seeing other mums going through exactly the same thing and knowing it's totally normal and not just you!! So many things that worried me a month ago I'm totally over now as it just isn't worth the stress.
Hope some of that helps.
We also had a pretty tough time in labour which ended in a forceps delivery and a postpartum haemorrhage which meant a stay on the postnatal ward. Thankfully only for one night as despite everything that had happened, this was the worst part of the whole experience for me. Like you OH was sent home leaving me in pain trying to cope with a new baby and struggling to breastfeed on top of the fact I was physically and mentally exhausted. I realised they were short staffed but I just felt like an inconvenience and as I'd had no further medical issues I was probably the fittest one there since all the others had a section so I just felt ignored. Because of that, I just can't understand why they wouldn't allow my husband to stay seeing as he's the only person who genuinely wanted to support me to do all the things I was struggling with that they clearly didn't have time to do!! Once we were home, it was the community midwives that actually sorted things out as we were struggling with feeding so much the little man was jaundiced by this point, none of which was picked up while we were in hospital despite me raising concerns about feeding many times.
I've stopped bleeding but it was around 6 weeks before it stopped for me.
As for the exhaustion, I was truly awful with it to begin with. Like really didn't cope at all in the night to the point I felt almost psychotic but would then be back to my usual self in the morning. Sounds pathetic but it really was a big issue for me. How we have cracked it is I go to bed alone around 9ish and can sleep solid until about midnight as OH has LO so I don't need to worry about him. It has made such a huge difference and basically sets me up for the night so I can do all the feeds without any of the stress. OH can then sleep the rest of the night before work.
As for going out, I know exactly where you're coming from. I felt fine going out with OH as it just felt safer and I was so anxious about doing things on my own. Trouble is I'm not the sort to sit around doing nothing so I was starting to get a bit crazy so last week I bit the bullet and started going to groups. It is getting easier. Some days go well, others are a disaster but what really helps is seeing other mums going through exactly the same thing and knowing it's totally normal and not just you!! So many things that worried me a month ago I'm totally over now as it just isn't worth the stress.
Hope some of that helps.
These things to me seem like new mother feelings. When my wee boy was born 3 months ago I was anxious about everything. I worried I hadn’t wrapped him up enough when we went out. I worried about driving him places.. how to use car seat.. how to feed him. To this day I still worry. Today was the first time I sat in the coffee shop with him on my own.
My husband is away working and I’m even more worried but it because I’m new at this. So are you. They are so tiny at this stage your constantly afraid of doing something wrong. But your not.
Same as moomin I had to do things or I was going mad. When I first took him out in the car it was somewhere close by. Then it got further and further the more I did it.
I think it’s normal to be anxious. As my mum always asks me how I’m feeling. I’ll say I’m worried about this and that she’ll tell me your a new mum and it’s all normal. As long as your not feeling down all the time. If you feel sad all the time and can’t seem to pick yourself up it’s always good to go speak to someone. I bet you your doing so much better than you think you are. Xxx
My husband is away working and I’m even more worried but it because I’m new at this. So are you. They are so tiny at this stage your constantly afraid of doing something wrong. But your not.
Same as moomin I had to do things or I was going mad. When I first took him out in the car it was somewhere close by. Then it got further and further the more I did it.
I think it’s normal to be anxious. As my mum always asks me how I’m feeling. I’ll say I’m worried about this and that she’ll tell me your a new mum and it’s all normal. As long as your not feeling down all the time. If you feel sad all the time and can’t seem to pick yourself up it’s always good to go speak to someone. I bet you your doing so much better than you think you are. Xxx
Ah Moomingirl sorry to hear you had a bad experience in hospital too. Sounds like you were in horrendous pain, I don’t know how you coped with that. I was made to feel like an inconvenience too. It’s horrible isn’t it? Awful experience.
Thank you so much you’ve made me feel better with your advice . I really think having such a stressful start with little man didn’t help my confidence at all. The midwife was downright rude to me to the point on day 2 I called my husband crying at 7am begging him to come back as I wasn’t coping. I don’t kno why they tell husbands to go home?!! I gave up breastfeeding in the end due to lack of support with it as little man really wasn’t latching on no matter what I tried. So I was disappointed about that and felt judged. And formula feeding is such a stressful faff.
Totally agree with you on feeling psychotic . The first few weeks I felt I was losing my mind with exhaustion and constantly getting up making bottles in the night. Still do a bit! I like your idea of sharing the nights but hubby always wants to b in bed earlyish or he’s nodding on the sofa.
I’m hoping to feel more comfortable going out with him but I don’t drive so I’d b reliant on public transport to go a distance. There’s not much local stuff but there are baby classes so I’m waiting for his jabs then might give them a go. I like having visitors but a group of friends want me to bring him to their house for a get together as it suits their older kids but the thought of bringing him over with everything he needs fills me with dread. Their kids are all primary school age and I feel judged as they seem so relaxed and can’t understand my worries. Really hope I’ll improve.
Thank you Liz85 you’ve reassured me, sometimes I feel like I’m the only one struggling so much and everyone else seems so natural. I think you’re amazing coping with your husband away. I am relieved when he comes home so I can get at least a few minutes to myself. I’m going to push myself to try some classes. I don’t feel down all the time but anxious quite a lot and I feel emotional if I’m particularly tired or little ones been crying more which seems to b the last week. He still gets hungry every two hrs so don’t feel like we’ve progressed at all yet. I don’t think it’s helpful that I’m usually fed up in January anyway but usually I’d get out and about to cheer up but feel somewhat restricted what I can actually do.
I love him more than anything but I just don’t feel myself at the moment and hubby is struggling with it a bit too so I think I’m worried about how this will affect us as a couple too. How are both your other halves with the new lifestyle?
I just keep hoping it will get better. Sometimes I miss my old life and just want to run away but other days I’m fine. I’ve never been so emotional and up and down! So not sure if that is normal? You’ve reassured me that it does get better so I hope it will.
Thank you so much you’ve made me feel better with your advice . I really think having such a stressful start with little man didn’t help my confidence at all. The midwife was downright rude to me to the point on day 2 I called my husband crying at 7am begging him to come back as I wasn’t coping. I don’t kno why they tell husbands to go home?!! I gave up breastfeeding in the end due to lack of support with it as little man really wasn’t latching on no matter what I tried. So I was disappointed about that and felt judged. And formula feeding is such a stressful faff.
Totally agree with you on feeling psychotic . The first few weeks I felt I was losing my mind with exhaustion and constantly getting up making bottles in the night. Still do a bit! I like your idea of sharing the nights but hubby always wants to b in bed earlyish or he’s nodding on the sofa.
I’m hoping to feel more comfortable going out with him but I don’t drive so I’d b reliant on public transport to go a distance. There’s not much local stuff but there are baby classes so I’m waiting for his jabs then might give them a go. I like having visitors but a group of friends want me to bring him to their house for a get together as it suits their older kids but the thought of bringing him over with everything he needs fills me with dread. Their kids are all primary school age and I feel judged as they seem so relaxed and can’t understand my worries. Really hope I’ll improve.
Thank you Liz85 you’ve reassured me, sometimes I feel like I’m the only one struggling so much and everyone else seems so natural. I think you’re amazing coping with your husband away. I am relieved when he comes home so I can get at least a few minutes to myself. I’m going to push myself to try some classes. I don’t feel down all the time but anxious quite a lot and I feel emotional if I’m particularly tired or little ones been crying more which seems to b the last week. He still gets hungry every two hrs so don’t feel like we’ve progressed at all yet. I don’t think it’s helpful that I’m usually fed up in January anyway but usually I’d get out and about to cheer up but feel somewhat restricted what I can actually do.
I love him more than anything but I just don’t feel myself at the moment and hubby is struggling with it a bit too so I think I’m worried about how this will affect us as a couple too. How are both your other halves with the new lifestyle?
I just keep hoping it will get better. Sometimes I miss my old life and just want to run away but other days I’m fine. I’ve never been so emotional and up and down! So not sure if that is normal? You’ve reassured me that it does get better so I hope it will.
MoominGirl
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Although our labour would happily fit in the 'traumatic' category, I got over the physical side of it pretty quickly. I remember saying to OH if I can handle that I can handle anything!! Everything that could have gone wrong did but I sort of just accepted it as we were both safe and that was all that mattered. I recovered really well physically as well which I think helped. The emotional side was so much different though and very unexpected. I just felt like such a fragile flower which really isn't me at all. I blamed the fact that as I'm a nurse we generally make very poor patients but since speaking to loads of others who stayed on the same postnatal ward, not one of them had anything positive to say about it. I think I basically sobbed my heart out behind the curtains from the minute my husband left until he got back the next morning. Then multiple times while he was with me until we finally left that evening. Considering I was only there to monitor further bleeding, I'd have been better off being discharged and going back in if I'd needed to.
We have managed to continue breastfeeding which was incredibly difficult with all the problems we had. I truly believe if I'd spent even one more night on the ward, we wouldn't be though. I was so determined to do it as it was the only thing left on my birth plan that I could actually still achieve. As the labour really didn't go to plan, I still felt like delivery suite acknowledged that and I did appreciate that they made an effort to help me have what I could even if it wasn't much by this point! By the time I was on postnatal, it was like none of that mattered any more. I really think I'd have struggled to cope with us not breastfeeding if I'd had to give up as I really felt like it was all we had left.
It's funny you should mention about your OH coping. Mine struggled much more than both of us expected in the early weeks. To start with, I think he found my physical recovery really daunting as I was so much more dependent than both of us expected. We don't have local family to call on so he was just so genuinely worried about how I'd cope. Add the exhaustion and the fact that establishing breastfeeding was just so so hard, we were both emotional wrecks by the time he finished paternity leave. I think he still misses our old life more than I do (mainly because it was easier!) but I think I see the positive changes more quickly as it's me that's with LO all day and noticing the difference in how I feel compared to a month ago. Of course we get very little quality time as a couple and have slept separately a lot of the time in favour of more sleep and maintaining our sanity!! We are focusing on the small things though. Like the other week we went out for pizza and managed to eat it in a restaurant before little man had had enough!! That felt like a victory!! We know it will get better.
I've given up my car while I'm on mat leave as it saves money and gets me fitter for free!! I tend to prefer walking to places and to be honest other than the extra time needed to walk, I don't think it's any harder than going somewhere in the car. Only benefit of the car is being able to go further.
Honestly though, get to some groups as just being around others who are going through what your going through just helps so much. A lot are drop in but I've block booked a few organised classes. They are more expensive but I figured I was less likely to come up with an excuse not to go and also it tends to be the same group of mums in the block so you have a better chance of getting to know each other.
I still have the odd wobble but generally I've found that the crazy emotions have passed but I definitely think it's linked with my confidence growing and just accepting the good days with the bad.
We have managed to continue breastfeeding which was incredibly difficult with all the problems we had. I truly believe if I'd spent even one more night on the ward, we wouldn't be though. I was so determined to do it as it was the only thing left on my birth plan that I could actually still achieve. As the labour really didn't go to plan, I still felt like delivery suite acknowledged that and I did appreciate that they made an effort to help me have what I could even if it wasn't much by this point! By the time I was on postnatal, it was like none of that mattered any more. I really think I'd have struggled to cope with us not breastfeeding if I'd had to give up as I really felt like it was all we had left.
It's funny you should mention about your OH coping. Mine struggled much more than both of us expected in the early weeks. To start with, I think he found my physical recovery really daunting as I was so much more dependent than both of us expected. We don't have local family to call on so he was just so genuinely worried about how I'd cope. Add the exhaustion and the fact that establishing breastfeeding was just so so hard, we were both emotional wrecks by the time he finished paternity leave. I think he still misses our old life more than I do (mainly because it was easier!) but I think I see the positive changes more quickly as it's me that's with LO all day and noticing the difference in how I feel compared to a month ago. Of course we get very little quality time as a couple and have slept separately a lot of the time in favour of more sleep and maintaining our sanity!! We are focusing on the small things though. Like the other week we went out for pizza and managed to eat it in a restaurant before little man had had enough!! That felt like a victory!! We know it will get better.
I've given up my car while I'm on mat leave as it saves money and gets me fitter for free!! I tend to prefer walking to places and to be honest other than the extra time needed to walk, I don't think it's any harder than going somewhere in the car. Only benefit of the car is being able to go further.
Honestly though, get to some groups as just being around others who are going through what your going through just helps so much. A lot are drop in but I've block booked a few organised classes. They are more expensive but I figured I was less likely to come up with an excuse not to go and also it tends to be the same group of mums in the block so you have a better chance of getting to know each other.
I still have the odd wobble but generally I've found that the crazy emotions have passed but I definitely think it's linked with my confidence growing and just accepting the good days with the bad.
