Position of a mother

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Kerry, Dec 2, 2005.

  1. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    MUM - JOB DESCRIPTION

    This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!

    POSITION:
    Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Ma

    JOB DESCRIPTION:
    Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

    RESPONSIBILITIES:
    The rest of your life: Must be willing to be disliked, at least temporarily, until someone needs money. Must be willing to bite tongue r epeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zips. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

    POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
    Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

    PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
    None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

    WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
    Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

    BENEFITS:
    While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

    Forward this on to all the Mums you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated
     
  2. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    excellent kerry

    x
     
  3. Guest

    That's brilliant - sounds like the best job in the world to me.... :D
     
  4. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    lol Sami

    wait to your little one turns 12 / 13. My nephew is going through puberty and he is a nightmare.

    you might change your mind then.

    x
     
  5. Guest

    My little sister is 13 just - I tend to stay as far away as possible :wink: so I know what you mean!! She does my head in! We were all like it once though.
     
  6. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    no, not me, never Sami :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  7. Skidoo

    Skidoo Well-Known Member

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    My OH's son, who lives with us, is turning 13 in a couple of weeks and he's lovely!!! I mean he's not always good - last night we found him playing his playstation at 11pm! - but he is a sweetheart!!

    Is something terrible going to happen when he hits the teen years proper?
     
  8. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    my sil is always saying that she wishes that her 12 year old would have a period to relieve all that pent up teenage angst that he is keeping within. lol.

    talking of which. my niece is 9 and she has started spotting already. how scary is that.
     
  9. Guest

    Poor love - that's far too early to rob her of her childhood. I started all that fun at 12 :roll: my sister however is 13 and still showing no signs of womanhood.
    I remember being told once that you're normally a year before your mum. Dont think there is much truth in that though.

    When my brother was in the early teenage years (he is 18 now) he never had a stressy teen phase neither....wierd.
     
  10. kellysomer

    kellysomer Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for that Kerry its brill!

    Cant beleive you are nearly 30 weeks already, wheres the time gone?
     

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