PND, and MIL !!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by KarolinaMoon, Jul 22, 2013.

  1. KarolinaMoon

    KarolinaMoon Well-Known Member

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    I have recently been diagnosed with a mild form of pnd. Didnt even know there was a range of different levels of pnd, but hey there you go! Anyway, Im having problems with my mil...nothing unusual there for me tbh, but this is really getting difficult. She doesnt know I have pnd, and there is no way I will ever be telling her...but every time I go over to visit her with my husband and daughter Lanna, I end up coming away feeling horrendous! For example, At the weekend we were at her house, and I had only walked through the door, when she was straight in telling me she had a magazine for me which gave advise on how to bring up your baby!!! I immediately felt my blood boil. Then the whole time we were there, she quoted 'facts' from the magazine that she had read...she asked me what sounds Lanna made, beacuase apparently if a baby makes lots of bababab noises it means they are unhappy!!! Well, Lanna has lately been saying babababa non stop!!! So imagine how this made me feel!!! Then she went on about how I have to talk lots to Lanna, and sing to her etc etc.....honestly, I came away feeling like the most useless mother ever!! But because I am not really feeling 100%, I keep thinking maybe I am over reacting....but her comments were just continual, focused on how to be a good mother (and making me feel like such a bad mother!!). Anyone else experience this kind of thing?
     
  2. Gayle30

    Gayle30 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry your having troubles.
    she sounds a bit mad and has nothing better to do. My baby says babababa noises too and I can assure you shes a happy wee girl. Just not today right enough haha. Think if it was me id avoid her for a while. Concentrate on you and getting yourself feeling better. Lanna is your number one priority and your MIL needs to back off. Can your husband maybe have a word? Its hard for them I guess as they are between the 2 most influential women in their lives. But he needs to tell her to back off and let you be. Im pretty sure your a wonderful mother to Lanna. Please try not to let her rile you. Easy for me to say I know. Bug hugs xxxxx
    tapatalking
     
  3. AmyQ

    AmyQ Well-Known Member

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    MILs are a pain in the arse. I had to bf Evan twice in an hour and a half and I was told to switch to bottles cos it's so much easier and that's what she did. The second feed was more to get out of the room lol! It's easy to "backseat parent". It's also easy to say ignore her, but even though my MIL was spouting rubbish it still rubs me the wrong way. Poor DH did get an earful on the way home though...
     
  4. Chezza

    Chezza Well-Known Member

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    First of all, there must be a heck of a lot of parents with unhappy babies on here!! One of the first sounds a baby makes is ba ba ba...totally natural and not a sign of an unhappy baby at all!

    I'm probably the worst person to ask at the moment (having my own MIL problems!), but if I were you, I would avoid her until you are feeling better. Happy mummy = happy baby and she is your priority right now xx
     
  5. Leah04x

    Leah04x Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you're having such a hard time! My MIL drives me up the wall too. She always feels the need to comment on Ethan's appearance. I obviously do my best to keep him clean and tidy, but Ethan's into everything and always getting mucky. Her usual comments are: 'ooh you're finger nails need cutting' 'mummy needs to buy you some more clothes, you're trousers are too short' 'mummy's not cleaned you up properly, looks like you've had something orange for dinner' the list goes on! Lol. She used to really grind my gears, but I've just learnt to ignore the stupid comments!

    I'm sure you're a fab mummy! Hope you feel better soon xx
     
  6. KarolinaMoon

    KarolinaMoon Well-Known Member

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    Oh gosh, well looks like I am def not alone in the troublesome mil affliction! I usually just grin and bear it, but its funny, since I havent been 100%, she seems to have got worse!! I dont know if she thinks she is helping, or if she thinks I am useless, or maybe a bit of both! I find her a bit interfering and as someone rightly picked up on...she really has nothing else to do! We were thinking of going on a holiday to Spain, and my husband happened to mention it to her in casual conversation....at the weekend when we were over with her, she starts going on about 'the lost children of spain', paedophile rings, and how we might be better holding off on going on holidays. Talk about making me feel even more cr*p and anxious than I already was!!! Deep breathes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  7. Chezza

    Chezza Well-Known Member

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    Wow...I think our MIL's must be related :lol: You are definitely not alone! (I know that doesn't help you directly, but take solace that you aren't suffering alone!

    In fact, here are some pearls of wisdom from mine - this might cheer you up:

    I needed to buy a new car as my gearbox had gone and it wasn't deemed financially viable to do fix it. MIL told me I didn't need a car..."in her day", she walked EVERYWHERE...apparently I should be able to get LO to nursery (eventually), then walk to work...and also walk to my mums (she lives approx 15 miles away)

    She announced our pregnancy on facebook (I was only 7 weeks gone - and we had asked both sets of parents to keep quiet til after our 12 wk scan), before we had even told siblings that we were pregnant...and then refused to take it down when asked...

    After a massive falling out with them, we de-friended on facebook (as she kept writing derogatory messages on my homepage!) - she then proceeded to write offensive messages on her facebook status and continues to do so...I thought only children acted like this.

    On one of these statuses, she moaned she hardly ever see's her grandchild (who she often refers to as "it" (grrrrr) - we take JJ up - but she shows no interest! Doesn't pick him up, doesn't talk to him...in fact, the last time we took him up, she went off to do some dusting in another room.

    On holiday 2 years ago, she (who is at least 4 stone overweight), told me I shouldn't be eating pudding if I was trying to lose weight. I told her I wasn't - her response (looking me up and down) - "well, you're not getting any younger..." :wall2: :wall2: :wall2:

    The list is endless though lol - these are just a few off the top of my head :)

    Feel free to share your MIL comedy gold!!! Could be good therapy! xx
     
  8. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear your having a bad time. But it does kinda sound like she was trying to be helpful.

    TBH, I think it would be better if you told her you have PND, or at least get your OH to. I'm suffering with antenatal depression just now, and telling my MIL was one of the best things I could have done. She's not 'changed' but at least she is aware that 'little' things might be a problem.

    Lets face it MILs are damned if they do damned if they don't. Too much "help" and they are interfering, too little and they don't care.
     
  9. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Its a balancing act isnt it. My MIL doesnt seem interested in.my children but when they do visit, she only asks if i have potty trained my eldest (he is turning 2 in September) or commenting that my baby doesnt need feeding anymore.
    There are positives though - she dorsnt interfere as she is too busy with her own life

    Tapatalking so cant see signatures
     
  10. AmyQ

    AmyQ Well-Known Member

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    The other thing was MIL telling DH and I what we should do about Evan's hand. We haven't even seen the specialist yet and does she not think any decision we will make will be fir Evan's benefit.

    Btw this is coming from a woman who has gad 3 children, 1 went to live with his grandma as soon ad he could, DH who went to live with his dad at 8 cos she didn't bother fighting for him (apparently an 8 year old can make these decisions) and her other son who she let live with his mentally unstable dad.

    Sorry for the rant, feel a little better now!
     
  11. littlemonkey

    littlemonkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm similar with my MIL, she likes to be what she would describe as helpful, but I would describe as sticking her beak in where it's not wanted! I'm just too much of a different person to my MIL, I'm too independent and she is one of these who likes to do everything for everyone so she's in control of what they do, whereas I just say I'll deal with it myself. It is hard cos I've got PND too and I am quite sensitive towards people's comments, especially those regarding my parenting choices. The problem is with raising kids, it's something very close to people and if you do something different to your parents,it is automatically seen as a criticism of that. All I ever get off the MIL is 'I did raise four kids you know'. Yeh four kids who are all fussy eaters, two of them don't speak to her, one who is a benefits cheat and then my OH who is the only decent child she has! On the other hand my parents have raised four kids, who all work, who all went to uni, who all go to their parents house to see them every weekend. Thing is my parents don't feel the need to offer me advice unless it's asked for! And even then my mum tells me I'm best talking to my sister cos it's all changed since her day!
     

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