Please help!

[eminasya]

My baby boy is 14 weeks old. I used to rock him to sleep and he obviously got used to it now but I've also got a 20 month old to take care of and I can't spend so much time rocking him to sleep.
So a few days ago I started putting him to sleep in his cot and leaving...and every time he cried for about 2 hours before he fell asleep. I am coming in every 10 minutes, stroking him, putting the dummy back in. I even take him downstairs every now and again and try 15 or so minutes later but he keeps screaming and screaming blue murder and I don't know what to do any more. I can't be spending so much time putting him to sleep, I've got another child to take care of. I think that because of that I'm starting to get depressed , can't be bothered tidying up or cooking, haven't washed my hair for almost a week because I have both no time or energy to do it, I'm shouting at both of them because I'm so helpless
Please does anyone have any advice??

 

[bobkat]

Hi hun, sounds like you're having a right time of it bless you. Please look after yourself first so if you can get someone to watch the children while you take an hour for yourself, relax in the bath, paint your nails, eat ice cream, whatever it takes to get you some time out then please do.

Is the sleeping problem at naps or bedtime or both?

 

[eminasya]

I could probably get somebody to come and watch the kids but I feel embarrassed. I don't want them to see that I'm not coping

The nights are fairly ok ( he wakes once for a feed ) although the last few nights he's been up a lot because of gass which I don't understand because he's been fine for weeks now ( he was a little gassy when he was a few weeks old ).

So it's mostly naps, especially the afternoon one.
He goes down for the morning one pretty easily. Then the next one is when my DD has her nap so I take DS to bed and let him sleep in my arms ( he still cries with his eyes closed for abut 10 minutes before falling asleep ).

But the next one is just a nightmare. I'm trying not to miss when he becomes sleepy and I put him down right away but still he just won't sleep. I can see how tired he is, his eyes are half closed but he screams blue murder

 

[kumber]

He's gar too young to be left to cry imo. Does your eldest self settle? I stagger my two so my eldest goes first and he gets his kisses and cuddles. If it's the daytime nap I'll leave my youngest in the living room while the eldest hops into bed. At nighttime I'll bring the youngest into the bedroom and he just potters about while I do story time and get the eldest sorted. Only then will I take the youngest into our room ans rock him to sleep. He had horrific reflux, made worse by tongue tie and a refusal to get off boob for longer than 2 hours so we've had to rock him to sleep and still do at almost 11 months. Only now are we able to start the transition to him self settling. My boys have a 14 month gap between them, my eldest turned 2 last month and my youngest turns 1 next month so I know exactly how you feel.

Your baby will settle but leaving him to cry won't help him self settle. At 14 weeks he still needs his mummy. If you stagger bedtimes, it will make things easier. Chin up chick

 

[El1en]

I agree with kumber that your lo is too young to be left to cry, methods like this shouldn't be tried until 6m at the earliest.
Have you considered using a sling? That way you could get things done and baby is still close and will hopefully drop off
Or maybe have a walk?

If you're so stressed you're getting upset and angry you need to ask for help. There's nothing wrong with someone helping out

 

[eminasya]

Bed time is fine. My DD and DS have a bath together. Then we have some quiet play time on the bed and then my husband takes DD to her room to give her her milk and brush her teeth while I take DS downstairs to feed him. Then I hold him untill he falls asleep.

It's the afternoon nap that is the problem.
I'm watching for signs that he's tired and take him upstairs right away. When I put him down he closes his eyes and you can tell he's sleepy but a few seconds later he will start screaming. So I sit with him for 5 or 10 minutes stroking him but he's still screaming ( with his eyes closed of half closed ). At that point I need to go downstairs because my daughter is either screaming for me or she's too quiet which means she's up to something.
Then I go back upstairs again and stroke him for a few minutes. After about half an hour of going up and down the stairs I take him back downstairs but a few minutes after I put him in his bouncer or on his matt he can barely keep his eyes open so I take him upstairs again and the same happens. He closes his eyes and I think "Oh he's going to fall asleep" but no, few seconds later he starts screaming.
So altogether it takes about 2 hours before he finally falls asleep. And then sometimes he will sleep for an hour or like yesterday he will wake up screaming after 20 minutes.

I'm not trying to do controlled crying. I just simply can't spend so much time putting him to sleep ( rocking him can take anytime from 15 minutes to an hour and it seems that it's gradually taking longer and longer ).
I've tried rocking him before I take him upstairs but my daughter keeps screaming so every time he drifts off she screams and he's wide awake.

I've tried a wrap but he hates it, screams every time I try putting him in

I just don't know what to do anymore

 

[El1en]

Could you maybe put him a bed together downstairs and when he's tired maybe put on a DVD for your daughter just for half an hour so you can sit and cuddle him until he's in a deep sleep then transfer him into the cot/crib and the same level of noise is present?

 

[bobkat]

I think a little bed/nest for him downstairs sounds like a great idea, it may be that because he's starting to drift off then all of a sudden is moved that's upsetting him, so hard to understand though that its just that nap in the afternoon and others are ok. Maybe if allowed to nap downstairs he wont feel like he's missing out???? I have a wrap for my 9 week old, he always wimpers/cries a bit when going in but after a few minutes is fast asleep so maybe try again with the wrap if you can, at least if he's crying in there he knows your close and he's not been left alone. Another idea might be to go to a sling library and see if there is another type of wrap/sling they prefer, or get advice on how you can encourage your lo to enjoy this one.

Really don't be embarrassed about asking for help, I'm really bad at it too and its only when my oh forces me upstairs for a nap that I'll go. We are our own worst enemies. And who's not coping??? You have 2 children you are looking after brilliantly, you've written this post because you care about them. You have what sounds like a great bedtime routine - if we have one as good as that when Joe is 14 weeks I'll be well happy.

Another thought is - does any of this tie in with timing of vaccinations, mine has just had his 8 week ones and he wasn't himself for a fee days after and quite constipated.

 

[T84]

I feel like 14 weeks is still very young to be putting upstairs and expecting to nap at times. My lg is 17 weeks and if I catch her at the right time/mood I can get her upstairs, otherwise she's down in the living room with me on her swing chair or mat sleeping. These things all fall into place in my opinion and he's maybe just not ready. I also have a just turned 2 year old so it's hard going but I know it's not forever - please God lol!

Try and get your OH to take over even for an hour each day that you can look after yourself, even if it's to just chill in a room by yourself and take a breather. It's not not coping, it's helping you be the best you can x

 

[eminasya]

Thank you all for all your replies

He used to sleep downstairs but my daughter is just too loud and he won't sleep there any more. I think "the terrible twos" in her case started a lot earlier :/


And no I don't think it's the vaccinations. It just gradually took longer and longer to rock him to sleep so I decided that I just needed to change it and I started putting him down and stroking him insted. But since he got used to rocking he just doesn't take well to the new method.
I think that the morning nap goes so well because he's maybe not had enough night sleep. The second nap...well he sleeps in my arms so he loves it.

My husand helps as much as he can but he evenings are usually very hectic. He comes back from work at 5pm, we have dinner, then I go for my bath. When I'm back downstairs we tidy up and then we give the kids their bath.
I can have a little nap on the weekends when he's home. And it's all quite easy when he's home, it's just when I'm by myslef I don't cope so well

I think I might try a different wrap/sling but I need to sell mine first as it wasn't the cheapest:/

 

[Fruity01]

I used to rock / cradle my 14 month old to sleep then at Christmas time last year when he was 8 months I thought I cant do this anymore coz as soon as I put him down he'd be awake. So I placed him on my sofa cushion (it's a large one). Sat right where his feet were so he was safe and held his hand till he nodded off. Th is allowed me to carry on with other things in the house as he wasn't disturbed by me getting up and transferring him. I still do this now for morning and afternoon naps and it's worked wonders especially now I have a 5 week old to deal with.

F.