Please help, I'm not coping.

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Sammis, Oct 4, 2016.

  1. Sammis

    Sammis New Member

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    Hi everyone. I really need some help, advice (and a probably a virtual hug too).
    I'm crying out (literally) to anyone who will listen. I feel so alone and upset and i don't know what to do with myself- apart from cry, I'm good at that!!
    Me and my husband have been together for 7 years and married for 3. We didn't start TTC until me were married because we wanted to 'do it traditionally'. We had the fairytale meeting, wedding, house and everything was going great until we tried to start trying to concieve!
    We had nothing for a year but eventually became pregnant, but lost it at about 11 weeks, how my heart bled for that. Our fairytale was officially shattered! After another year and lots of tests and a treatment of clomid, i became pregnant again, only to lose that one at 12 weeks. That was in February, 2 days after my birthday!! I feel like my world is closing in on me.
    So now I feel completely lost, my life is on pause, I HATE all of my friends who are having babies, every announcement is torture, especially the 'honeymoon babies'!
    We have had the last course of clomid and I've just started my period so know that it's not worked. Every month I feel like a failure! And the waiting around from month to month is destroying me. My husband really tries to be supportive (bless him) but I know it's my fault, it's my body not working properly (even though I have a period each month, I don't ovulate-who knew that could happen?!) and I am so full of guilt because I know how much he wants a baby too. My closest friends don't really understand, im sick of people saying "you've been pregnant before, it will happen again soon" and if my grandparents,bless them, telling me that don't have long left and would REALLY like a grandchild soon!
    I've never felt more alone than I do now. Sorry for th giant essay, but even writing it down has helped in teeny smidge. Please help 
     
  2. miamia

    miamia Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry for your losses. I recommend that you discuss reasons why you can't get pregnant with yr doc. Definitely your should dig deeper and undergo additional tests, as there are various reasons why mc occurs. Docs usually recommend doing karyotype, vit D testing and others. A friend of mine was in the same board, and it occurred she couldn't get pregnant coz of chromosomal issues. She combined ivf with PGS NGS (here more info) and gave birth to a healthy child. Good luck! x
     
  3. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Hiya, big hugs from me. I totally understand how you feel, our stories are very similar. We also wanted to be married before ttc and to enjoy some couple time. We have now been married over 5 years and over 4 ttc. Our problems are mine, stupid body not ovulating properly. We have also had two mcs, one in 2014 and one in 2015 (on my birthday, the joy).

    How many rounds of clomid have you done? Is it making you ovulate? I originally had 6 rounds, it was making me ovulate so I asked for more rounds and was given three more of clomid and three of letrozole. Our next step would have to be IVF, is that your next option? I wasn't ready for our one NHS attempt after our first 6 clomid rounds (it seemed too final and with our mc history I was terrified if I got pregnant I would lose it and that would be game over). On our 7th clomid round I got a bfp, I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant so not in the clear yet but I'm trying so hard to be hopeful that this could be the one. If it is they will be due on our 6th wedding anniversary. Sadly in the time we have been ttc all our grandparents have died, and my husbands mum which I have felt guilty about but what can we do? It isn't for lack of trying!

    I was considering trying the implantation clinic in Coventry, as I was wondering if we had problems with that. Have you been given any reasons why it isn't happening for you?
     
  4. Trina

    Trina Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for your losses and sending you lots of hugs.

    I am in a similar boat - we waited until we got married so we will have been ttc 3 years at Christmas and nothing - no mcs, mmcs or chemicals. We have just had nothing for all this time.

    We did get referred to the clinic, saw the consultant who basically said my DH's sperm count is a bit on the low side and would we want ivf or would we just want non-surgical options. We said if it gets to the point and we need ivf then yes and he basically said to us we don't qualify until I lose 3 stone so let them know when I do!

    If it was that easy I would always have been slim (only in a letter we got copied into from the surgery did I find out I was diagnosed with PCOS). I have tried all sorts to lose the weight and tried to get the doctors to offer clomid or metformin but they said if the consultant didn't mention them then no, but we were in front of the consultant for less than 5 minutes.

    I completely understand how alone you feel and it is the most heartbreaking thing to want a baby and not have one. My cousin has had two in the time that we have been ttc and we just want one. A friend of mine has just lost her dad and my DH said to me that at least he got to know his grandchildren which breaks my heart as our parents are the same age and are waiting.

    Gotta go now before I start crying again. Send you lots of hugs and know you are not alone as there are a lot of us who understand your heartache and pain xxx
     

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