pissed off and disappointed with my MW

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by petchy, Feb 1, 2006.

  1. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    i had a MW appointment yesterday, and it has left me feeling pissed off and extremely disappointed. apologies in advance for what will be a long post, and it may not make much sense as i am still very upset. got up at 5am today after not being able to sleep - that's how angry and upset i am. you'll need the background to the story to get the whole picture, so please bear with me girls.

    as some of you may know i have a phobia for hospitals and anything to do with medical staff, be it doctors, dentists, MWs - you name it. hence i get nervous when i have to see anyone within the medical profession, and my BP tends to be raised to just below 140/90 during appointments. (according to the british hypertension society, a reading of above 140/90 is classed as high, so mine's not THAT bad even when i'm stressed). to rule out the possibility of my BP being constantly high, i had a 24 hr BP monitoring session when i was about 20 weeks pregnant, and surprise, surprise - the results were perfectly NORMAL with an average reading of 115/65.

    so since then my MW has been saying she is happy for me to go ahead with my home birth plans and said she doesn't have any major concerns re my HB as long as my BP does not go any higher than the level it's constantly been at throughout my pregnancy, and of course my urine sample is OK and there's no swelling. her only other concern would be that "the MW attending the birth may not feel confident with my situation", bla bla bla... then at my appointment yesterday this happened:

    my BP remained at its usual level (was 140/88 ), urine was normal, no swelling or other signs of pre-eclampsia. i thought "great!". but then she started trying to talk me out of a HB, and even rang the consultant at the hospital who "advised against HB and would recommend a closely monitored hospital birth" - exactly what i know will be the most stressful environment anyone could put me in - yet after saying this he said he saw no reason to do another 24 hr monitoring tape?! so he was in fact refusing to allow me to give them more evidence that my BP is usually within normal range.

    so i said this to the MW, and explained that i would like to avoid at all cost having to go into hospital, as i feel it will cause me to become stressed, and especially if i have to be on a bed with continuous monitoring unable to walk around to help labour progress. i expressed my concerns this would lead to me tensing up (and BP go even higher!) and the "fight or flight" instinct to set in and slow labour down, leading to a "snowballing" effect of a syntocin drip, clock-watching, ventouse/forceps or even a c-section.

    she was reluctant to listen to me and kept saying well what if..... i stood my ground and she eventually "agreed" that i could remain "on paper as a HB", but that the likelyhood of transfer to hospital would be extremely likely and i would probably not get my HB after all. she then proceeded to say she would arrange for her supervisor to come and "talk to me" so i could get another MW's view on things (i could tell she meant "so i could be persuaded out of this silly idea of mine"). she kept trying to make me feel like i'm putting my baby at extreme risk. i agreed to meeting with her supervisor. i know i have researched well and that my arguments are sound. i will make her very aware that i *know* it is my choice and that i can make an informed decision not to take their advice, but that of course i am not stupid enough to compromise the safety of me and my baby. but i *will not* be manipulated into going into hospital just because it is a more comfortable and "safe" situation for the MW.

    so immediately after my MW appointment today i went and invested £30 in a home BP monitor. i am planning on monitoring myself regularly at least 3-4 times a day, then at least i can prove to the MW and her supervisor that there really is no cause for concern, and that i am taking responsibility for my own health.

    i took 3 BP readings yesterday afternoon/evening (the two first ones whilst cleaning the spare room and making the bed for my mother who arrives tomorrow, hence the heart rate is not a resting heart rate, and also bearing in mind that i am still very upset about earlier) and the readings were:

    4pm: 119/71 (pulse 115)
    5pm: 123/70 (pulse 117)
    7pm: 120/72 (pulse 94)

    and i took another reading this morning:

    6.30am: 102/66 (pulse 99)

    can any of you see these readings being problematic? any MWs reading this: would you be concerned and not comfortable attending a HB under these circumstances?

    i just can't see why they are trying so hard to get me into hospital for a very closely monitored and possibly interventive birth, when it is so crystal clear that it is the clinical environment and the presence of medical personnel that causes my raised BP?

    please give me your opinions, i was so upset yesterday i was in tears. i'm slightly more in control of my emotions now, more determined to prove them wrong, and will ring the head of midwifery today, as well as AIMS.

    sorry again for the extremely long post, and thanks to anyone who managed to read it through to the end without giving up on me.
     
  2. Lucy

    Lucy Well-Known Member

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    Hi Petchy

    Your midwife appointment sounds like a nightmare, from what I read in your post I can't understand why she is being so insistent at you having a hospital birth.

    I don't have any advice hun but good idea to get the BP Monitor, keep the records to present to the consultant/senior Midwife which not only shows that you're taking what the midwife said very seriously (to back up that of course you don't wan tto put you or baby at risk) but to also prove that your BP is fine when not in the stressful environment of hospital/medical profession personnel!

    Good luck with it Petchy, let us know how it goes.

    Lucy
    39 + 1
     
  3. jennyr1985

    jennyr1985 Well-Known Member

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    OMG!! I can't believe she didn't listen to you! My mum is exactly the same, when she knows she is going to have to go to the doctors to have her BP done it goes sky high....BUT her doctor and all the nurses know about it because it's in her medical notes and they understand. She does readings at home and takes them in with her. How can your midwife tell you to have a hospital birth when she knows it will stress you out, and may cause birth complications? It is completely unnecessary. I can understand if your BP was constantly high, but you would be in hospital now, and monitored closely.

    My midwife is the total opposite, she hasn't discussed anything with me. She just does her checks and that is it. Hence why Ive missed antenatal classes, I had to ask her about them, and even then she didn't tell me much! Im sure there are very good and brilliant midwives out there, but at the moment Im losing faith in the system.

    If hospitals, doctors etc. stress you out, then the only place where you will feel relaxed is home. I hope you get what you want, it makes the most sense!! Your BP readings at home are perfectly normal! Try not to get too stressed about it though.

    Love Jenny

    xxx
     
  4. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    I would change your midwife. Her attitude towards you is obviously not helping your stress levels, it is up to YOU and don't forget that!

    Home births are extremely safe, as you know, I'm sure a home birth would be a lot more beneficial to you due to your phobias. I wonder why she can't see that. See her supervisor and don't just explain your position, explain about her attitude and request a new midwife who is more sympathetic to your situation.

    Good Luck!
     
  5. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    thanks you guys, it was so reassuring to read your replies. thanks for taking the time to read my looooong post. i'm still pretty upset, but determined not to let this stop me. it's not as if i'm going to refuse to be admitted to hospital if a REAL medical situation arises, but i know myself and my body well enough to go with my instinct on this one.
     
  6. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Blimey Petchy, what a nightmare!!

    No wonder you didn't sleep last night. You MW sounds awful. Just look at it this way - her supervisor has got to that position because of her experience, so hopefully she will be able to see how this is affecting you, and that the stress of going into hospital will do you and the baby more harm than good.

    There is always the other possibility that maybe you will go into labour before they can do anything about forcing you to go to hospital!!

    Is your mother a forceful lady? If she is (as most mothers are when protecting their daughters!), can she be with you when you have your next appointment to back you up? Or maybe your OH or someone who knows about your phobia? Your MW sounds like she is praying on your emotions and a bit of extra muscle behind you may sway it your way.

    Good luck hun, and keep us informed. Try and get some sleep today, you're going to need the rest!!
    xxx
     
  7. pips

    pips Well-Known Member

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    that's terrible petchy! you shouldnt have to be put through this (especially now!!! noticed your ticker...)

    i agree you should change mw if you can and if the current one does not explain why she is currently behaving like she is
    in the meantime you must try and relax and rest :D
    try not to get too upset and remember that all this is for the wee person inside you which will be coming out shortly

    good luck and keep us informed of any changes
    take care pip xx
     
  8. MrsG

    MrsG Well-Known Member

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    OMG! Im stunned you were treated like that by your midwife. I was going to suggest the same as tankett and take someone else with you next time for moral support, so the midwives are not ganging up on you.

    Brilliant idea about the home BP tests! that should show them. Good luck!
     
  9. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    Did you know that it has been proven that pregnant women loose their will to fight at around 37 weeks pregnant, it is normally around this time that your midwife will try and talk you out of a home birth as she knows she has more chance of you backing down and giving in to HER wishes.

    Stand by your wishes, you have a legal right to a home birth and they have a legal right to provide a midwife to attend - I would not say your current situation is a good enough reason for you to go to hospital, especially as you have proven that if you stay at home for the birth your blood pressure will remain lower than if in hospital.

    Home births are again statistically safer and shorter. Going into hospital to have your baby 'just in case' is like having all your teeth taken out 'just in case' you get tooth decay!! It makes me so cross!!

    If you need any legal advice when the time comes, try looking at

    www.aims.org.uk

    There it tells you your rights and the correct things to say to get your point across etc. It's a really helpful site - I am a member and have been for a while and its a great place to learn what you rights REALLY are.

    Anyway, if you need any help I have a great book by AIMS called 'Am I Allowed' so I can always look stuff up for you.

    Good luck xx
     
  10. hels

    hels Well-Known Member

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    Petchy your BP readings are 'text book' the evidence shows exactly how nervous you are in a 'clinical' setting from the times your BP has been taken in that environment.
    You are an individual, you have choices. If you want a HB then i can only see good reasons for you to have one. It is silly to put you through unnecessary stress, but even more so if the baby is at risk of becoming stressed too whilst in hospital.
    like you say you have done your research and got your evidence lets hope the supervisor can see the sense in your decision. If not ask her for her reasons IN WRITING When are you going to be seing this supervisor, letds hope its soon....could be any day!
    Good Luck, and dont let them bully you any further.
     
  11. kellysomer

    kellysomer Well-Known Member

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    I had the same reply to my request for home birth and i'm clinically 'low risk'!!! The only reason i could be told was because it was my first child...and so what?????

    The only reason that i have agreed to go to a local birthing centre is because OH is genuinally concerned about me giving birth at home. He is the father and i have to respect his wishes.

    If i were you i would state catagorically that you are having a home birth but willing to be transferred if a genuine emergency arises.

    Good luck and stick to you guns.

    PS I have low BP all the time so couldnt tell you about yours but the reading you did at home look fine.
     
  12. veryfluffybunny

    veryfluffybunny Well-Known Member

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    Hey Petchy,

    I can't believe it, the midwife is their to help you, not to make your life worse, especially at this very important time. l cant understand why she won't agree for you to have a home birth, l mean there has not been any reason why you should have a hospital birth has there? Otherwise she should think what is best for you and let you have a home birth, as it would cause you and even baby distress if you don't,...is that what they want???....l don't think so! :evil:
    I can understand people having a phobia of hospitals,... l think some hospital staff and midwife's these days should be made more aware of this and come to their senses and do whats best for their patients. Im lucky and have 2 very nice midwife's, and yes l agree, l think you should change your current midwife if she is going to be like that.

    All the best and l sincerely hope everything goes right for you, let us know what happens hun,

    Love Fluffy. xx :lol:
     
  13. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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  14. *saulino*

    *saulino* Well-Known Member

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    Hi petchy

    Oh my sounds like your not having a good time, i really hope the home birth works out for you i know what it feelslike ot be trapped in a hospital bednot able to get up unless you have to pee, thats what they did to me, because i was induced and was hooked up to everything, i ended up just saying i had to pee just so i could get up for a few minutes.
    Best of luck and let us knwo how your next appointment goes.
    Katrina
     
  15. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    thanks you guys, i love you all for your kind words of support!!!

    kerry - i was on the AIMS website until 1am this morning, along with other websites, and i have drafted a letter which is going to the head of midwifery at my local hospital, with a copy to AIMS as well. i have friends in HR at my local hospital (i temped there for 6 months and have remained good friends with the people there) and they got me the HoM direct line number and e-mail address (with 1 day till EDD i'm not sure i trust good old royal mail to get the letter there in time! lol)

    i'd post the letter on here for your comments, but it's a whopping 5 pages long! outlining in detail the whole situation as well as the research that supports my decision . i've still got to write a small intro paragraph though.
     
  16. Guest

    Go for it with posting the letter if you want to, I'd sit and read it :) I can't beleive the way they are treating you. It is outragious. No medical staff have the right to pressure you into doing something you don't want to, and they have to go with you wishes at the end of the day and provide a willing midwife for the birth of your baby. Don't give in - stand your ground girl - let them preggo hormones come out to play!

    xx
     
  17. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    sami - instead of posting the entire 5 page letter on the forum i have uploaded it here: http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=16039 so anyone can download it and read it. just need to click the link to download and it will give you the word document! :D
     
  18. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    peetchy i totally understand where u r coming from with your nervousness with hospitals i am the same but mum said from the start i wasnt allowed a home birth lol.
    i also know where your midwife is coming from i didnt have high blood pressure for my pregnancy till i got t 37 weeks then had a week of high blood pressure then it calmed it self down, wen i went in to labour it was ll good BP was just slightly above average but was ok then all of a sudden my BP went so high i was in serious danger of a stroke and as my BP went up B/s heart beat dropped to 60 if i hadnt delieved as quickly as i had i dont know wot would have happened to B or me.
    i am sure you will be fine but take ur MW advice on board i would h8 for u to be on here in a week or so saying wot a rough time u had of it becoz of your BP
    sorry if i have upset u in any way
    love sarah and braydon
     
  19. feenix

    feenix Well-Known Member

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    ?
     
    #19 feenix, Feb 1, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2009
  20. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Wow!! I've just read your letter Petchy. You have done your research haven't you!!!!

    That is a fantastic letter, backed up with loads of evidence, and I can see no reason at all why they would not let you go ahead with your planned home birth.

    I wish you all the luck in the world, and can't wait to hear their response to that letter.

    Oh, and if ever I need to write a letter of complaint to anyone, I know where to come!!! :wink:
     

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