i had a MW appointment yesterday, and it has left me feeling pissed off and extremely disappointed. apologies in advance for what will be a long post, and it may not make much sense as i am still very upset. got up at 5am today after not being able to sleep - that's how angry and upset i am. you'll need the background to the story to get the whole picture, so please bear with me girls. as some of you may know i have a phobia for hospitals and anything to do with medical staff, be it doctors, dentists, MWs - you name it. hence i get nervous when i have to see anyone within the medical profession, and my BP tends to be raised to just below 140/90 during appointments. (according to the british hypertension society, a reading of above 140/90 is classed as high, so mine's not THAT bad even when i'm stressed). to rule out the possibility of my BP being constantly high, i had a 24 hr BP monitoring session when i was about 20 weeks pregnant, and surprise, surprise - the results were perfectly NORMAL with an average reading of 115/65. so since then my MW has been saying she is happy for me to go ahead with my home birth plans and said she doesn't have any major concerns re my HB as long as my BP does not go any higher than the level it's constantly been at throughout my pregnancy, and of course my urine sample is OK and there's no swelling. her only other concern would be that "the MW attending the birth may not feel confident with my situation", bla bla bla... then at my appointment yesterday this happened: my BP remained at its usual level (was 140/88 ), urine was normal, no swelling or other signs of pre-eclampsia. i thought "great!". but then she started trying to talk me out of a HB, and even rang the consultant at the hospital who "advised against HB and would recommend a closely monitored hospital birth" - exactly what i know will be the most stressful environment anyone could put me in - yet after saying this he said he saw no reason to do another 24 hr monitoring tape?! so he was in fact refusing to allow me to give them more evidence that my BP is usually within normal range. so i said this to the MW, and explained that i would like to avoid at all cost having to go into hospital, as i feel it will cause me to become stressed, and especially if i have to be on a bed with continuous monitoring unable to walk around to help labour progress. i expressed my concerns this would lead to me tensing up (and BP go even higher!) and the "fight or flight" instinct to set in and slow labour down, leading to a "snowballing" effect of a syntocin drip, clock-watching, ventouse/forceps or even a c-section. she was reluctant to listen to me and kept saying well what if..... i stood my ground and she eventually "agreed" that i could remain "on paper as a HB", but that the likelyhood of transfer to hospital would be extremely likely and i would probably not get my HB after all. she then proceeded to say she would arrange for her supervisor to come and "talk to me" so i could get another MW's view on things (i could tell she meant "so i could be persuaded out of this silly idea of mine"). she kept trying to make me feel like i'm putting my baby at extreme risk. i agreed to meeting with her supervisor. i know i have researched well and that my arguments are sound. i will make her very aware that i *know* it is my choice and that i can make an informed decision not to take their advice, but that of course i am not stupid enough to compromise the safety of me and my baby. but i *will not* be manipulated into going into hospital just because it is a more comfortable and "safe" situation for the MW. so immediately after my MW appointment today i went and invested £30 in a home BP monitor. i am planning on monitoring myself regularly at least 3-4 times a day, then at least i can prove to the MW and her supervisor that there really is no cause for concern, and that i am taking responsibility for my own health. i took 3 BP readings yesterday afternoon/evening (the two first ones whilst cleaning the spare room and making the bed for my mother who arrives tomorrow, hence the heart rate is not a resting heart rate, and also bearing in mind that i am still very upset about earlier) and the readings were: 4pm: 119/71 (pulse 115) 5pm: 123/70 (pulse 117) 7pm: 120/72 (pulse 94) and i took another reading this morning: 6.30am: 102/66 (pulse 99) can any of you see these readings being problematic? any MWs reading this: would you be concerned and not comfortable attending a HB under these circumstances? i just can't see why they are trying so hard to get me into hospital for a very closely monitored and possibly interventive birth, when it is so crystal clear that it is the clinical environment and the presence of medical personnel that causes my raised BP? please give me your opinions, i was so upset yesterday i was in tears. i'm slightly more in control of my emotions now, more determined to prove them wrong, and will ring the head of midwifery today, as well as AIMS. sorry again for the extremely long post, and thanks to anyone who managed to read it through to the end without giving up on me.