Partner sexually attracted to every single pretty lady

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by MsKittyCat, Apr 13, 2016.

  1. MsKittyCat

    MsKittyCat Well-Known Member

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    My partner does not miss a pretty lady when we are out and about, he seems to be oblivious to me watching him majority of the time. He will follow women around, checking them out. I pulled him up on it as i felt rage building up inside and he denied it initially. He then said hes doing subconsciously and swore he couldn't even remember what women i was talking about.
    Its the same with tv, almost every other advert is some sexy lady promoting a product, he tries to look away when i'm with him, he gets uncomfortable. There was an advert on the other day and he practically had a panic attack cos i was next to him, and stopped looking at the tv instantly. I said "what are you doing, its just a woman, you're clearly fancy her that much to act like that..you've obviously seen the advert before have you? and clearly thought how hot she was".. he actually agreed with me! I said you're are sexually attracted to her, he said "no i'm not, shes just pretty, i don't want to have sex with her".. i replied "it doesn't mean you want to have sex with her..because you are in a rel, but you'd happily do so if you were single right?" and he said "yeah i guess so"... he then went on to say how he hates how he is and how he hates how it makes me feel.
    We have such an amazing relationship in every area ;) kids, family, its quite a dream... but then there's this... it makes me feel insecure but i'm trying to pick myself up now, I don't need to let his wandering eye make me feel any less of a pretty/sexy woman myself (although its hard, they're always blonde! i'm a brunette!), I also know he loves me very much. Even so, it's still painful and does make me paranoid everywhere we go, every bit of tv we watch (i hardly turn it on now), i feel anxious the entire time. We're happiest when just at home, no tv and kids and family together...

    Does anyone else struggle with this?

    Cat xx
     
  2. GF91

    GF91 Well-Known Member

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    It's not quite the same but my OH gets a lot of female attention, he doesn't go out looking for it- but he attracts it. He's a good looking man, drives a nice car & has his own business so girls fall all over him. On a daily basis I see women eyeing him up, flirting with him & ive even received messages from girls asking "do you know where your fianc√© was last night?" Funnily enough- he's always been with me. He goes to work & comes home, he doesn't go out so I know he's not doing anything wrong. He brushes it off, but it does drive me insane! I've lost my shit about it numerous times, but now I just let it slide. A couple of my friends husbands are forever liking/commenting on other girls pictures on Facebook & Instagram it actually makes me cringe! Their wives are so beautiful & kind I don't get it. Ones not on social media so she has no idea & I asked the other how she copes/deals with it & she said she trusted him 100000% & she'd rather him openly look than hide it from her. I guess you need to decide whether trust is an issue for you? I'm sure he loves You & thinks your the most beautiful, he just has a wondering eye. I think men notice things more than women. I don't tend to look at other men- but if I was single & bumped into Tom Hardy I wouldn't think twice about it 😏😏
     
  3. MsKittyCat

    MsKittyCat Well-Known Member

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    Its funny because i'm actually like your husband, i have had so many men falling at my feet and get come on to all the time, whistled at etc. where as my partner gets next to no attention and struggles to find even someone to date when he was single. His mates say he is punching above his weight lol. I just wish he appreciate what he has and not stare at every other gorgeous woman. I understand the science behind it though and why people look.
    Like your partner, I think when you've had a lot of attention most of your life it really doesn't mean anything, it has no depth to it, of course it always feels nice though. Whereas to someone that hasn't had it much and then suddenly get attention they are the worry. It seems the biggest cheaters are the most insecure ones.
    I need to get my confidence back, I don't want to be insecure anymore. Confidence is by far the most attractive thing in a human being after all. Insecurity can make anyone look ugly ay! :)
     
  4. GF91

    GF91 Well-Known Member

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    Maybe he's doing it because he's insecure with the attention that you get? It's not that he doesn't love you, but it makes him feel more like a man by looking at other women?

    It's not my husband that worries me, it's the other women. I know that he wouldn't do anything. He's totally devoted to me and our family- but the women that are attracted to him are known home wreckers that want what they can get. One once said to me that she'd make him more happy then I ever could, my response was- that's fine- you have him. But know that all he comes with is the shirt on his back, the materialistic things your attracted to are actually mine. He's 45 and can't even pick his clothes up off the floor- lol I'm sure the novelty would wear off soon enough!

    Your right, confidence is the most attractive thing. It is difficult to regain when you've had children though, just need to dig deep. At the end of the day if he was to do something stupid- would totally be his loss & your gain 😘❤️
     
  5. MsKittyCat

    MsKittyCat Well-Known Member

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    I think you're right! He isnt the most confidence, ive picked his confidence up massively, kinda a shame he squishes mine lol.

    I cant believe women would talk like that, do they say it direct to him? What a skank!

    I pick myself up by buying nice clothes and dressing up at home (as i work from home) I could easily sit around in crappy clothes but it makes me feel much nicer dressing up, putting my make up on, curling my hair etc. :)
     
  6. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    I always wonder why people think they have the right to say things like that? Very true, as much as some of ask / tell our husbands or show them how to do simple tasks they just seem never to get the hang of it. Same with me, my husband owns some video games, a PS3 and a Wii U so good luck with anyone wanting anything from him!

    The closest experience to that I have got was when I was studying A Levels my boyfriend at the time was doing work experience in a science class at our school and this year 7 kid (seriously she was 11 years old) had taken a shine to him and kept writing notes putting them in his bag saying how she would make him so much happier than I ever could and she is prettier then me etc- she actually said to his face if he didnt go out with her she would tell the head teacher that he had touched her inappropriately. What an unwelcome shock insight into the minds of some children- this was 16 years ago now but even then there were rumblings of how to 'make' a man do what she wanted by using force effectively.

    Does your OH understand that looking at other women could decline your interest in him and possibly consider starting to look at other men? Not that I am suggesting you would ever do anything, nor him- but just that its not a complimentary thing to see. My ex was like that, he would see a woman who he considered to have a good arse and would regularly should BUM even when with me. That did wonders for my self esteem given that I am overweight. Eveyone needs a little boost from their partners from time to time
     
  7. MsKittyCat

    MsKittyCat Well-Known Member

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    Hiya,

    Yeah he does know how much it can affect our relationship. It seems most men don't actually realise something until its completely spelled out to them. His wife left him, their relationship declined over time. I said to him 'we have such an amazing family, love life etc. youre going to kill it by carry on like you are' and that does he seriously think i want to jump on him when i see him eyeing up someone else when im standing right next to him, like im not good enough for him. He is quite devastated when i open his eyes to it, he wants to make me happy and have a long happy life together, hes looking into hypnotherapy.. hes obviously done it since hormone kicked in and now is more of a jerk reaction, not realising how inappropriate it is in a relationship... x
     

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