partner doesnt want the baby

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by lulu, Mar 24, 2005.

  1. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Hi I am 26 yrs old and have only been 'seeing' my partner for 6/7 months now, most of that we lived together as friends and things developed between us. It is not even a stable relationship but I have just found out Im pregnant. I am 6 weeks pregnant. He does not want the baby and says if I dont have an abortion I will ruin his life and he thinks I am silly to think about bringing a baby into an unstable environment, and says I wont cope financially. I never would have thought of having an abortion, I feel very pressured by him. One day I decide to keep the baby, the next I think it would be easier to have an abortion and move on, but I know that I will find this very difficult. Having a baby excites me, and I just want to be happy about it, but it also scares the life out of me. Infact both options do. I have suffered from depression in the past which worries me also. I am very mixed up emotiinally and feel very lonely. I really need some help and advice!!! :(
     
  2. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    Hi Lulu

    Please think very carefully about having an abortion it has to be what you really want and you will most definately regret it if you do it for someone else. It may also affect having children in the future. I have been trying for a few months and would do anything to be pregnant, so I would say you are very lucky to have this gift. If the father isn't interested he may come round, if not you will find the love inside of you to be mum and dad to the child, it may not be easy but you will cope. The decision is entirely yours but if you are prone to depression, the wrong decision may not do you any favours. Think carefully before you do anything, and if you need to chat, you are welcome to e mail me privately at [email protected], I will be happy to chat to anyone who needs someone to talk to.

    Good luck and take care.

    Kim xx
     
  3. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    please think very carfeull before having an abortion, this guys isn't thinking of you he is only thinking of himself - it takes two to make a baby and ha can't drop the fact that he is also responsible, abortion for him is the easy way out - he can carry on with his life - mentally you may never get over it - a close freind of mine was pregnantand the boyfreind decided he didnt want it - and wanted her to have an abortion - she didnt and the baby is the best thing that has happened to her - yes it has been hard, but there are alot of tax rebates, low earner benefits you can claim.
    please contact me if you want to chat.
    [email protected] i am 20 wks preganat with my first baby - it is scarey but am looking forward to it - i am lucky to have a loving husband.. don't give in to the guy - talk to samaritains or anyone
     
  4. michymouse

    michymouse New Member

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    i have a pretty good understanding of what your going through, it was like reading my own words. i have a bad history of depression and i had the same problem with a man. he threatened everything if i didn't get an abortion. in the end i got it but not for him. i look back now and i am glad i did it then. i am not saying get an abortion by any means but if abortion is something you believe in then you really need to take all options into concideration. can you financially take care of this child, do you have a good supprt group for which ever road you take. can you do it alone concidering your depression. if this is all possible then you won't have regrets by having this child. and if the support and the financial responsability is in question and you know you will love this child no matter what ,you still won't have regrets on having the child. no body is ever truley ready for the experience untill it happens. if you have an abortion you truley won't know what your missing so the effects might not be so bad and if you keep it you will probably feel like you didn't relize what you were missing. its a catch 22.
     
  5. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Hi, and thank you to everyone that has replied to my dilemma.
    Just an update - I decided to keep the baby, my partner has come round to the idea, still not 100% happy with our situation but admitted he would be devistated if anything went wrong now and he is geting excited.
    The only thing I am worried about is the amount of stress I have had, at home and at work, I have not been eating properly and I get alot of pains in my tummy. I am also worried about the financial sides of things so any help or advice on this would be great.
    Agian, thank you for your advice it really helped with my decision! :D
     
  6. elle

    elle Member

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    Hi Lulu,
    I'm preg with 3rd child. When I was 18 I had a termination at 11 weeks due to pressure from others. It changed my whole life and not for the better. My friend also went through the same thing and was pretty cut up but coped alot better than I did and for her it was the right thing to do. Anyway I'm not trying to confuse you... the right thing to do is whats in YOUR heart. Only you know what your capable of. Ask yourself what youd do following all your options, would you cope better with ending youre pregnancy and move on, or could you be a single mum on limited funds? go with what your heart really wants and the rest will sort itself out. I don't envy you your decision but my thoughts are with you so good luck,
    Elle. :)
     
  7. sasha715

    sasha715 Well-Known Member

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    hi,
    i also had an abortion when i was 18 because my boyfriend( of 3 months at the time!) became really aggressive even thou he wanted the baby. i decided to do it because i wasnt financially stable or had any where to live if i became a single parent. i thought it was the right thing to do at the time but regreted it after what i had done sunk in. im 4 months pregnant now with my very stable partner and what ive learnt is u can never have THE perfect enviroment or finacial stability for children, uve got to do the best with what youve got and if you do that, your children will grow up and look back and realise what u did or gave up for them to be happy and that will bring you even closer than u already where. thats the way i feel about my mum. she didnt even want a partner she just wanted a child that was hers and thats what she did. her and my dad are still friends now but me and my mum are sooo close we are inseperable. and its becuase she taught me it doesnt matter how "normal" everyone else thinks your family is but whether you work hard for each other and look out for each other. my mum sacrificed alot for me and im going to do the same whatever situation i end up in, my children will always come first. if this guy doesnt want a baby then just tell him u dont need him coz beleive me hun as long as youve got your family and friends you'll be fine. some people look at having kids like theyve got to stop everything they are doing but just think of it as a clean slate a new life and u'll have some one who needs you and loves you and thats better than the guy u were "seeing". dont worry about it hun. and i know im waffling now (lol) but dont worry bout your mixed feelings, even women who have tried for babys for years feel like that, just remember theres nothing you can do bout anything that ur worried bout till the babys born....so wats the point in worrying about!!!
    xxxsashaxxx
     

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